Venting Feeling like shit

[0Minx0]

This isn't the first time that I've lied and said I was sick when I really wasn't for work and every time it leaves me with an incredibly guilty conscious. Plus I was supposed to get my shrooms today, I was hoping if I ended up having a bad trip I'd do some crazy shit like stab myself beyond repair but I realize that's unrealistic. My partner would be with me the whole time and I don't want to traumatize her. But we bought them already, she's trying to tell me I can't have any until I am in a good headspace but I don't think that day will ever come. As time passes on I just feel more and more desperate for a way out.
I wonder if me lying about my health to my workplace makes me damned for eternity?
Anddd to top it off my partner just came into the bathroom and rolled my sleeves up to make sure I didn't cut myself. This day couldn't get any better. :)

 

[TransMagical]

Be happy you have a partner who cares for you, even if its unwanted.
Infant be happy you even HAVE a partner
I am always salty on not having one, and all my friends always talk about there amazing partners and all that and it annoys and sickens me to to core that they know I have no partner but chat about theres 24/7.
So just be happy that you have someone that loves you. Ok? Im not saying the partner is not annoying for checking your wrists but just be happy they care.

 

[0Minx0]

Be happy you have a partner who cares for you, even if its unwanted.
Infant be happy you even HAVE a partner
I am always salty on not having one, and all my friends always talk about there amazing partners and all that and it annoys and sickens me to to core that they know I have no partner but chat about theres 24/7.
So just be happy that you have someone that loves you. Ok? Im not saying the partner is not annoying for checking your wrists but just be happy they care.

I'm not saying I'm not happy they care for me but it's incredibly demoralizing to constantly be checked like a child. I feel like a helpless baby that constantly needs her hand held. She'll get upset and yell and it'll just push me further into a bubble. Yes I know she loves me and yes I appreciate her so much for that but that doesn't mean that either of us are going about this 'issue' perfectly.

 

[TransMagical]

I'm not saying I'm not happy they care for me but it's incredibly demoralizing to constantly be checked like a child. I feel like a helpless baby that constantly needs her hand held. She'll get upset and yell and it'll just push me further into a bubble. Yes I know she loves me and yes I appreciate her so much for that but that doesn't mean that either of us are going about this 'issue' perfectly.

Tell her how you feel, and maybe agree to follow her concerns on you cuttings, maybe when you first see her every day or two keep your sleeves rolled up, and then roll then down. Tell her how that you know you wont be in a good mental state to try shrooms for awhile, if not forever, and tell her that you know Its a bad idea to try shrooms in a bad mental state, but how you want to try them while you can as your mental state might get worse.

I dont know your situation or gf well but thats my tip to help you out