Feeling like I’m just looking at other people’s lives and just…

[never]

Feeling like I'm looking at other people's lives and I just feel like they're doing a lot better relative to me. Everyone is being successful and I'm wondering if everything isn't happening because I've given up. I don't want to be successful in this life. I say this because it's so hard to even be positive and know how things are. I take what I get and I'm kind of just autopiloting now. I feel like I'm close to the end. I ordered my SN a few days ago and it'll be here in a few days. Once it's here, I'm gonna try and pick a day and just do it. I think my time is coming. I can definitely feel it.

 

[justwannadip]

I understand. I automatically and uncontrollably compare myself relentlessly to others, especially former partners. Its comparison trauma from being constantly belittled and compared to an overachieving older sister. I even got a plaque that said "underachiever and proud of it" with bart simpson on it for christmas by my mom a few years ago. It was weird cus I'd never gotten a physical representation of how they'd belittled me, it was always just constant verbal criticism. Anyways man, I get it. My ocd took my comparison trauma and low self worth to exponentially high levels to where every single behaviour I do, every thought that I have, every emotion I have, is compared to others—and I'm always losing. Hope you find peace somehow, I know how difficult things can get.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best, I understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence.