Feeling isolated...

[Broken Buzz]

Forgive me for posting this, I know there are many similar threads from those of us sharing the same pain... I realised recently that I've become super-isolated. I'm a natural extrovert, an entertainer who loves social interaction, and yet since my latest trauma around the turn of the new year, I've completely cut myself off from the world, and it from me.

Some of my family blame me for the overspill of a trauma I experienced a few years ago that triggered a catastrophic chain of events. They sent me a series of letters shaming me and telling me I was an awful person. If they knew the full circumstances, they'd be radically more supportive; contrary to their belief, I've done nothing wrong. I should tell them, but PTSD has other ideas... I spent a couple of years campaigning, giving speeches about what I'd gone through to survivors groups, I even produced a documentary for television to give other survivors a platform to speak. It gave me great strength, but then the PTSD struck - turns out that bastard can creep up on you after a delay of years.

I completely withdrew, stopped going out and socialising, cut down on my lectures and stopped doing podcasts. I knew it was bad when people started sending me those "are you still alive?" messages. With the advent of lockdown, it's got worse since then. I stopped speaking to my best friend and lost contact with a lot of casual friends, professional colleagues and acquaintances too. I also gave up my clinical work to pursue research, and with that lifestyle change, I went from speaking to several people each day to barely one person a week. Honestly, I've isolated myself for so long that I'm not even sure I have anything to offer socially anymore.

So I'm just wondering, and again, I hope you can all forgive me for asking... I was wondering if anyone else out there who might be feeling a little isolated too, would like to have a chat with someone a little rambly and eccentric, but thoroughly well-intentioned; I also come with an Anti-Gravity Belt and OFF switch... It doesn't even have to be anything regular, I'd just really love to try and push myself out of this isolation and enjoy some social contact again and maybe someone else would benefit from the same.

Anyway, so sorry for rambling; if you've made it this far then my goodness you have more patience than most!

Buzz

 

[WornOutLife]

Well, I'm quite isolated.
I haven't seen any people face to face, except for my dad, since the very beginning of this year! (that's if going to the supermarket doesn't count lol)

 

[Broken Buzz]

Well, I'm quite isolated.
I haven't seen any people face to face, except for my dad, since the very beginning of this year! (that's if going to the supermarket doesn't count lol)

I dare admit I can relate to that more than I wish... Can I ask how you cope (?) if indeed you do. I read in your other threads that you do a lot of teaching (I'm passionate about that too), do you find that helps? Anyway, thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply, sending hugs

 

[avoid_slow_death]

This is weird for me. I interact with people all day. Often strangers. I have never been an extrovert, this is a very recent development. I am friendly, funny, deep and thoughtful and most people really like talking to me. Yet.....I still feel empty and alone. Not close to anyone at all anymore. Very touch averse and constantly want to burst out into tears or just ctb at any given moment. No idea what's wrong with my mind....

 

[WornOutLife]

I dare admit I can relate to that more than I wish... Can I ask how you cope (?) if indeed you do. I read in your other threads that you do a lot of teaching (I'm passionate about that too), do you find that helps? Anyway, thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply, sending hugs

Of course you can!
Yes, teaching keeps me busy!!
I am isolated but I don't feel alone because I talk to lots of people online such as my students, you all, my dear fellows of SS and some other guys/girls on different platforms such as OMEGLE.
Also, my hobby, studying japanese, really helps me to clear my mind.

Hope you can deal with isolation somehow!!

Feel free to pm me if you need to talk! :)

 

[Broken Buzz]

This is weird for me. I interact with people all day. Often strangers. I have never been an extrovert, this is a very recent development. I am friendly, funny, deep and thoughtful and most people really like talking to me. Yet.....I still feel empty and alone. Not close to anyone at all anymore. Very touch averse and constantly want to burst out into tears or just ctb at any given moment. No idea what's wrong with my mind....

Ah yes, I know that feeling. I was actually very introverted as a child and through my early teenage years, I rarely spoke although people still seemed to like me; I'd jump and recoil at being touched as if pounced on by a spider. I seem to be the opposite these days, not quite sure what changed. I'm sorry you feel that way though, it's horrible to feel like we're talking to ghosts.

I know this is an obvious suggestion but do you regularly get to take time out for yourself in your own private space? I suffered crippling social anxiety back when I was more introverted and regularly taking some time to myself in my own safe space, knowing it was never long before I could retreat there for a moment to recharge if I needed; that's probably what kept me sane. It would have been very overwhelming otherwise. Sending virtual hugs your way

Of course you can!
Yes, teaching keeps me busy!!
I am isolated but I don't feel alone because I talk to lots of people online such as my students, you all, my dear fellows of SS and some other guys/girls on different platforms such as OMEGLE.
Also, my hobby, studying japanese, really helps me to clear my mind.

Hope you can deal with isolation somehow!!

Feel free to pm me if you need to talk! :)

Thanks again for your thoughtful reply, I'm glad that you're staying busy and productive - I've read many of your posts where you talk about being a NEET in your thirties and pulling yourself out of that despair, it's an inspiring read :) I used to have lots of virtual interactions too and I think that's what I'm really missing; I'll have to check out OMEGLE.

I'll definitely drop you a PM a little later if that's alright?

 

[WornOutLife]

I'll definitely drop you a PM a little later if that's alright?

Of course it is alright!
Thanks for your lovely words.
See you there :)

 

[Celerity]

Yep. I feel so alone. I get along with people better online now than IRL. The people I want don't want me. The few who remain have these expectations of me I cannot meet, so I lie and pretend to be someone else for them.

 

[Broken Buzz]

Yep. I feel so alone. I get along with people better online now than IRL. The people I want don't want me. The few who remain have these expectations of me I cannot meet, so I lie and pretend to be someone else for them.

This hit me pretty hard, I do this a lot with my parents and family in particular. I used to experience severe attacks of pain and sometimes it would cause seizure-like spasms; my father distanced himself from the situation and my mother would scream at me to stop - I know she wasn't being abusive, she was screaming at the 'pain', the 'illness', but I learned very quickly to close up and allow them to project their own expectations on me which although I could never fulfil, I vowed not to challenge.

It's a tragedy that we're scattered all across the globe - one of life's bitter cruelties is when the people we get along with best, the ones who genuinely care the most, are the furthest away from our actual lives. Sending hugs