Feeling inferior to “normal” people

[Water-Lily]

My definition of "normal" refers to people who have lives without the struggle of childhood trauma or severe mental illness/suicidality. I carry much shame and anger towards myself over the events of my life. I know I am not at fault of the abuse perpetuated against me. I was failed by my abuser and enablers who did nothing or gaslit me into carrying the responsibility of caring for myself

However, when I see my friends who have had lives of happy childhoods and close family, or trauma but still manage to be high functioning, I feel inferior. I feel self hate, and I find comfort in those who I can relate to. Those who know what the struggle is and so it won't be awkward. Coupled with jealousy, I find it hard to be around my friends and people who had it "better" than I did

It's likely that I'm still grieving and processing everything I was robbed of, which is going to be an on going process. I don't wish my suffering on anyone, and I am glad there are people who can feel happy and self assured in themselves

It's just in these moments I like to self isolate and blend in with those who can relate to my suffering

Is this weird?

 

[Marine]

I get that feeling. But the truth is you're not inferior to priviledged people. This world simply isn't fair. Those who truly overcame trauma (not just live in denial and pretend that everything is ok only to blow up later) have all in common one thing : they found a healing relationship (a good reference : Judith Herman, C-PTSD specialist and survivor). You have one thing that makes you stronger than most people though so far : you didn't succumb to the temptation of putting all of that violence outside of you like psychopaths do thus repeating the abusive cycle. You kept it in while trying to find the love that only can transcend and heal it. That's something to acknowledge. It also made you more compationate, loving, understanding of humans and the world as a whole, trying, self reflecting and resilient. All of this hard work has to pay off 100 times since you've put in that much more work than priviledged people just to stay alive. That's how I want to think about it at least. I also think we're here to remind people about how vital love is, and undo the lies of this society. We just have to figure out how to break that damn curse that keeps life from us, and I think uniting with people who know what this is like is a good start. Finding people who can help you out (through love of some kind) is kind of the objective I suppose.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

My definition of "normal" refers to people who have lives without the struggle of childhood trauma or severe mental illness/suicidality. I carry much shame and anger towards myself over the events of my life. I know I am not at fault of the abuse perpetuated against me. I was failed by my abuser and enablers who did nothing or gaslit me into carrying the responsibility of caring for myself

However, when I see my friends who have had lives of happy childhoods and close family, or trauma but still manage to be high functioning, I feel inferior. I feel self hate, and I find comfort in those who I can relate to. Those who know what the struggle is and so it won't be awkward. Coupled with jealousy, I find it hard to be around my friends and people who had it "better" than I did

It's likely that I'm still grieving and processing everything I was robbed of, which is going to be an on going process. I don't wish my suffering on anyone, and I am glad there are people who can feel happy and self assured in themselves

It's just in these moments I like to self isolate and blend in with those who can relate to my suffering

Is this weird?

Nope, it's totally understandable. I envy those people. I wish I could be somebody else.

 

[Water-Lily]

Nope, it's totally understandable. I envy those people. I wish I could be somebody else.

I hope that when I die, I can do a version of my life where I had a healthier upbringing and see what that path lead me down. Even though I do my best to heal, starting off with trauma does hurt you long term

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I hope that when I die, I can do a version of my life where I had a healthier upbringing and see what that path lead me down. Even though I do my best to heal, starting off with trauma does hurt you long term

True

 

[Water-Lily]

I get that feeling. But the truth is you're not inferior to priviledged people. This world simply isn't fair. Those who truly overcame trauma (not just live in denial and pretend that everything is ok only to blow up later) have all in common one thing : they found a healing relationship (a good reference : Judith Herman, C-PTSD specialist and survivor). You have one thing that makes you stronger than most people though so far : you didn't succumb to the temptation of putting all of that violence outside of you like psychopaths do thus repeating the abusive cycle. You kept it in while trying to find the love that only can transcend and heal it. That's something to acknowledge. It also made you more compationate, loving, understanding of humans and the world as a whole, trying, self reflecting and resilient. All of this hard work has to pay off 100 times since you've put in that much more work than priviledged people just to stay alive. That's how I want to think about it at least. I also think we're here to remind people about how vital love is, and undo the lies of this society. We just have to figure out how to break that damn curse that keeps life from us, and I think uniting with people who know what this is like is a good start. Finding people who can help you out (through love of some kind) is kind of the objective I suppose.

Yeah. It's something those who've been through it, get it. I do honestly wish I had the lives my friends had. I wish I had a home where I left safe, and not one where I was violated and abused consistently for years over and over and over. I didn't deserve it, I deserved love and compassion. I deserved to come home and be met with love. Not threats, abuse, witnessing violence, not being allowed to express myself, etc etc

Even if having had a better childhood would've resulted in me being a different person, at the cost of having a healthy childhood, I'd start over in a heart beat

 

[Al Cappella]

It would be nice, really nice. To at least have a shot at success, family. So ya, I totally feel damaged and useless. Oh well, I'm not nearly as badly off as some others…