Venting Feeling guilty for my boyfriend….not sure if I should.

[FlyAwayHoney]

So, we have been together about 2 years. In those 2 years, he hasn't been completely faithful to me for more than a few months. I use to work opposite hours than him, and found out he was cheating and bringing girls over when I was gone. I found this out a few months ago and have pretty much checked out the relationship emotionally since. I stay cause I don't have anywhere else to go. It has fucked me up pretty bad, honestly. I've felt suicidal forever, so it's definitely not the sole reason I want to go, but it doesn't help anything.

Even though he did this and has treated me like trash, there is a part of me that still considers his feelings when I think about CTB. He has dealt with two suicides in his life. His best-friend when he was younger, and his wife about 4 years before we met each other. He still deals with this emotionally and brings it up often when he drinks or something.

Anytime I have tried to talk to him about how I feel, he kind of dismisses it. He says how could I say I want to kill myself when I know what he's been through.

A part of me feels bad. A part of me doesn't, considering what he did to me. I'm not sure if I'm a bad person for this or not.

 

[tinyghost]

your boyfriend sounds like an absolute asshole. my husband cheated on me as well and i know how much damage that does. frankly, you dont owe him anything. he had betrayed your trust and he doesn't deserve your consideration of his feelings in the slightest. what hes been through gives him no excuse to do what he did much less to dismiss your very real feelings. youre not a bad person for how you feel. you wouldn't be a bad person if you left him be that by taking your own life or by walking away.

 

[piddincir]

Yeah I agree, he sounds like an asshole and doesn't deserve your respect. I know and can appreciate how you feel about not wanting to hurt someone, despite them constantly hurting you - probably a testament to the nice person you are and he's clearly taking advantage of that.

I lost my wife and soulmate of 10 years a month ago to suicide, I never or never would have cheated on her. More than that if I survive this, I will come out the other side a better person and want to be nicer to people so would never cheat.

it sounds like he is emotionally blackmailing you.

You sound like a nicer person than me, I would Ctb and blame them for cheating on me (even if that wasn't the whole reason for my decision) just out of spite for what they had done to me.

I hope you find peace

 

[Suicidebydeath]

He's a cheating asshole. You deserve better. He doesn't deserve any pity, he probably cheated on his ex-wife too and caused her suicide, then demanded pity for it afterwards. He's manipulative. He should be exposed so that he doesn't do it again.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

You feel bad because you're already deep into his manipulation tactics and can't see the picture clearly.
His suffering for your passing can live in the same reality as he being a bad person. He is a bad person and will suffer if you're gone I imagine, he would have to be incredibly cold to feel nothing.

Having said that, he doesn't deserve your pitty. Like others have said, he is an asshole who blatantly betrayed you and treats you poorly, he doesn't deserve you caring about his feelings since he clearly doesn't care about yours or your relationship.

 

[Rational man]

People in love dont cheat, like you say. Theres trust and openness about so many important stuff. My ex cheated and things were never the same. There was a sense of betrayal and the relationship ended. Im ill now and alone but feel better for being alone.

 

[R_N]

In short, you shouldn't. At least not for that kind of person.

If I was you I would focus on myself for the time being. His needs and emotions are not at all important unless it puts you in bad position.

But on the other hand it is easy for me to say this since I am not emotionally attached to that person. Whatever happens I wish you luck.

 

[FlyAwayHoney]

Yeah I agree, he sounds like an asshole and doesn't deserve your respect. I know and can appreciate how you feel about not wanting to hurt someone, despite them constantly hurting you - probably a testament to the nice person you are and he's clearly taking advantage of that.

I lost my wife and soulmate of 10 years a month ago to suicide, I never or never would have cheated on her. More than that if I survive this, I will come out the other side a better person and want to be nicer to people so would never cheat.

it sounds like he is emotionally blackmailing you.

You sound like a nicer person than me, I would Ctb and blame them for cheating on me (even if that wasn't the whole reason for my decision) just out of spite for what they had done to me.

I hope you find peace

I am sorry for your loss. Maybe I am too nice. I can't help it I guess. Lately it's something I can't help but think of when I am making my plans. I try to remind myself how much he didn't give a shit about me in those moments….

your boyfriend sounds like an absolute asshole. my husband cheated on me as well and i know how much damage that does. frankly, you dont owe him anything. he had betrayed your trust and he doesn't deserve your consideration of his feelings in the slightest. what hes been through gives him no excuse to do what he did much less to dismiss your very real feelings. youre not a bad person for how you feel. you wouldn't be a bad person if you left him be that by taking your own life or by walking away.

thank you. I'm sorry you have gone through it too.

You feel bad because you're already deep into his manipulation tactics and can't see the picture clearly.
His suffering for your passing can live in the same reality as he being a bad person. He is a bad person and will suffer if you're gone I imagine, he would have to be incredibly cold to feel nothing.

Having said that, he doesn't deserve your pitty. Like others have said, he is an asshole who blatantly betrayed you and treats you poorly, he doesn't deserve you caring about his feelings since he clearly doesn't care about yours or your relationship.

He is a very manipulative person… I know that. More-so now. I am not intentionally trying to make him feel bad, for CTB though. Like as in an act of revenge or something. I guess I should just stop caring how he will feel.

 

[piddincir]

Maybe I am too nice. I can't help it I guess. Lately it's something I can't help but think of when I am making my plans. I try to remind myself how much he didn't give a shit about me in those moments….

thank you. I'm sorry you have gone through it too.

Being too nice is a great quality and something you should never apologise for. It's a shame that people can sense this and take advantage of this good nature. You deserve better.

My wife was the same, she was too nice, to everyone, even people who treated her like shit, I know part of the reason she ctb was she thought my life would have been better without her, I was too good for her and felt like a burden - she told me this in the last month and I told her that was not true but I don't think she ever got right with it in her head (there were many reasons aside from this but it didn't help). it's really sad she was wired that way by all the people who broke her to that point. I would have died for her.

Whatever you chose I would say get away from this user, maybe you'll feel differently maybe you won't, but I imagine its hard feeling trapped with someone who doesn't respect you or value you as you deserve to be

 

[FlyAwayHoney]

Being too nice is a great quality and something you should never apologise for. It's a shame that people can sense this and take advantage of this good nature. You deserve better.

My wife was the same, she was too nice, to everyone, even people who treated her like shit, I know part of the reason she ctb was she thought my life would have been better without her, I was too good for her and felt like a burden - she told me this in the last month and I told her that was not true but I don't think she ever got right with it in her head (there were many reasons aside from this but it didn't help). it's really sad she was wired that way by all the people who broke her to that point. I would have died for her.

Whatever you chose I would say get away from this user, maybe you'll feel differently maybe you won't, but I imagine its hard feeling trapped with someone who doesn't respect you or value you as you deserve to be

It is heartbreaking how niceness is often taken advantage of in this world. I am truly sorry again. I hope you find peace in whatever way it might be.

And I appreciate your words. Honestly, being stuck with him is pushing me to ctb sooner, but I don't think it will change much about how I feel overall. It is a shitty situation I am in for the time being though.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Oh no I know u have nowhere to go right now but I really hope u get out of there somehow anyway. U are in a toxic situation and it won't get better until u do get away.

 

[FlyAwayHoney]

He's a cheating asshole. You deserve better. He doesn't deserve any pity, he probably cheated on his ex-wife too and caused her suicide, then demanded pity for it afterwards. He's manipulative. He should be exposed so that he doesn't do it again.

As far as I know, which is somewhat from him and somewhat from his family experiencing things first hand, she had mental health issues since she was young (bpd). But who knows. May she rest in peace.

I find it unfortunate how much loss he has had to deal with… or maybe odd that those things seem to gravitate around him.

 

[steppenwolf]

He's presided over two previous suicides, you're suicidal, and he obviously doesn't care. So fuck him. Fuck him in the ear. Fuck him in both ears. There are plenty of lonely men out there who would love to take you under their wing and make you happy. But you don't need them either.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

As far as I know, which is somewhat from him and somewhat from his family experiencing things first hand, she had mental health issues since she was young (bpd). But who knows. May she rest in peace.

I find it unfortunate how much loss he has had to deal with… or maybe odd that those things seem to gravitate around him.

If he's anything like my family, they probably just piled blame on her while ignoring his shortcomings. Which is why those things seem to gravitate around him, it's their story. You're just the next in line. I think you should get away, maybe you'll feel better. As said also, you deserve better, alone or with someone else.

 

[DeecyTee]

So, we have been together about 2 years. In those 2 years, he hasn't been completely faithful to me for more than a few months. I use to work opposite hours than him, and found out he was cheating and bringing girls over when I was gone. I found this out a few months ago and have pretty much checked out the relationship emotionally since. I stay cause I don't have anywhere else to go. It has fucked me up pretty bad, honestly. I've felt suicidal forever, so it's definitely not the sole reason I want to go, but it doesn't help anything.

Even though he did this and has treated me like trash, there is a part of me that still considers his feelings when I think about CTB. He has dealt with two suicides in his life. His best-friend when he was younger, and his wife about 4 years before we met each other. He still deals with this emotionally and brings it up often when he drinks or something.

Anytime I have tried to talk to him about how I feel, he kind of dismisses it. He says how could I say I want to kill myself when I know what he's been through.

A part of me feels bad. A part of me doesn't, considering what he did to me. I'm not sure if I'm a bad person for this or not.

It's only normal to feel some guilt, but if your bf wanted your respect he shouldn't of shat on you.