Feeling guilty about wanting to ctb

[Are you lost too?]

Do any of you feel guilty about wanting to ctb?

I mean, I have no physical health problems. I read lots of people here who want to ctb because of physical health problems/ injuries.
It's the first time I'm clinically depressed. I just don't see the point of being alive anymore. I don't have the will to do things again.

At the same time, I feel really bad, cause I think that if those people had health they would ding a way to go on. And I simply don't feel like doing it. So I feel guilty. But this doesn't give me the strength to go on either.

Anyone else feels like this?
Maybe deep down I don't want to ctb? But like I can't find joy in things anymore. I no longer know what's the point of being alive.

 

[Bathsheba]

Do any of you feel guilty about wanting to ctb?

I mean, I have no physical health problems. I read lots of people here who want to ctb because of physical health problems/ injuries.
It's the first time I'm clinically depressed. I just don't see the point of being alive anymore. I don't have the will to do things again.

At the same time, I feel really bad, cause I think that if those people had health they would ding a way to go on. And I simply don't feel like doing it. So I feel guilty. But this doesn't give me the strength to go on either.

Anyone else feels like this?
Maybe deep down I don't want to ctb? But like I can't find joy in things anymore. I no longer know what's the point of being alive.

Yes I feel bad when I read about people on here with conditions which cause them physical pain or disability. It feels like my reasons are less valid. The only thing fucked up about me is my mind. But choosing to ctb is such a personal thing at the end of the day.. everyone has their own reasons.. you can't really compare your suffering to other people's when considering your reasons to end your life.

 

[Fragile]

any reason is valid, we all suffer in different ways so even if you are phisically abled and healthy it doesn't mean that you have to endure a life of mental issues. your suffering is valid and the choice is yours to make.

i would definitely trade my shitty disabled body with a healty one if i could, i would use it to do stuff that i can't do with mine, but in the end, i know that i will eventually get back to a depressed and suicidal state of mind. there is way more to this life than the body we are born with. don't feel guilty about something that is not your fault.

 

[Girobatol]

Mental disorders are no joke. I have bipolar disorder and thats the reason I want to ctb.

 

[Are you lost too?]

Mental disorders are no joke. I have bipolar disorder and thats the reason I want to ctb.

I know. I'm really sorry if I gave the impression that I thought it was less - that's not what I meant. It's not.
Thanks everyone for the words. Everyone is so kind here.

I know it's a decision and everyone we take is hard. I just wish everything was easier. But this is real life right. As tough as it is, unfortunately .

I just wish I didn't feel so hopeless and with no will to go on. I just miss when I felt there was joy and a point to being alive, going to work, putting up with this shitty world.

 

[Sweet emotion]

No I don't think it's selfish and this is coming from a person who has a very painful condition. There are all kinds of pain. Mental, physical, emotional. This physical pain has given me depression and I've often said I wonder what hurts more the mental or physical pain. For me it's the physical but the !entsl is right behind it. So no, no one knows what you're dealing with or how badly your despair is. Don't feel guilty. Nothing to feel guilty about.

 

[Jean4]

Did you try to get help for the depression?

 

[mediocre]

The only thing I feel any guilt about is my mum finding my body and causing her shock or stress. But this can't be avoided.

I dont feel guilty for wanting to cbt. The way I look at it it's my life and the way it ends is up to me.

 

[Are you lost too?]

Did you try to get help for the depression?

I'm sorry!!!! I really didn't see this post before. I guess it was one of my first ones here, so I was even noobier than Im now. I am Not this rude!! Hahahaah

yes. I have being doing psychoanalysis for 1 year and 7 months now ( English is not my first languished so I hope what it means it's the Freudian Line, analysis)

I'm taking two anti depressants ( bupropion and trazodone) , lithium ( just inscreased to two pills/night) and eszopiclone for sleeping) for two months now.
I know these damn meds take time but I haven't felt a positive single change from those fockers, only the damn side effects.

I was low key honest with the psychiatrist that I wasn't feeling any better and that I thought frequently about suicide. So of course he suggested That I took part on the "hospital day", a clinic where you spend the day but go back home at night , cause he said I would be more accompanied from docs and therapists. And do talk conversations with other paciente and all that. This sent huge red flags I said no ticking way, then he can't force me. Anyway that is written in my file - probably to protect him if I end up ctb lol

things got worse for me in April. I changed jobs, because this company chased me, and then they fired me one month later, at my birthday!!!
I was kind of an over achiever and I kinda lost it . Was in denial for a long Time, saying I don't even care I lost this job, then decided to try new and impossible things( also kinda denial). Now I'm stuck , paralyzed... but not even sure what is the point of being alive at this time. Like so much suffering and for what? Like what is the meaning of going to a fucking job every day ? Get your pay at the end of the month? Buy stuff? Then get old and have no place to work and if didn't sabe enough money is fucked ? And relying on the retirement money that is ridiculous with the new reform in brazilv?
ive abandoned everything. gym, family(except my mother cause I live with her ), friends.

Last year there was a period I was really sad but didn't take the anti depressants. My therapist really tries to use them only as a last resource, because getting over stuff without meds make you stronger than with the help from meds (that's her opinion don't shoot the messenger)

well the length of the post as proporcional to the time i took to see it

 

[Jean4]

I'm sorry!!!! I really didn't see this post before. I guess it was one of my first ones here, so I was even noobier than Im now. I am Not this rude!! Hahahaah

yes. I have being doing psychoanalysis for 1 year and 7 months now ( English is not my first languished so I hope what it means it's the Freudian Line, analysis)

I'm taking two anti depressants ( bupropion and trazodone) , lithium ( just inscreased to two pills/night) and eszopiclone for sleeping) for two months now.
I know these damn meds take time but I haven't felt a positive single change from those fockers, only the damn side effects.

I was low key honest with the psychiatrist that I wasn't feeling any better and that I thought frequently about suicide. So of course he suggested That I took part on the "hospital day", a clinic where you spend the day but go back home at night , cause he said I would be more accompanied from docs and therapists. And do talk conversations with other paciente and all that. This sent huge red flags I said no ticking way, then he can't force me. Anyway that is written in my file - probably to protect him if I end up ctb lol

things got worse for me in April. I changed jobs, because this company chased me, and then they fired me one month later, at my birthday!!!
I was kind of an over achiever and I kinda lost it . Was in denial for a long Time, saying I don't even care I lost this job, then decided to try new and impossible things( also kinda denial). Now I'm stuck , paralyzed... but not even sure what is the point of being alive at this time. Like so much suffering and for what? Like what is the meaning of going to a fucking job every day ? Get your pay at the end of the month? Buy stuff? Then get old and have no place to work and if didn't sabe enough money is fucked ? And relying on the retirement money that is ridiculous with the new reform in brazilv?
ive abandoned everything. gym, family(except my mother cause I live with her ), friends.

Last year there was a period I was really sad but didn't take the anti depressants. My therapist really tries to use them only as a last resource, because getting over stuff without meds make you stronger than with the help from meds (that's her opinion don't shoot the messenger)

well the length of the post as proporcional to the time i took to see it

I am on Wellbutrin. Recently added medical marijuana, and that takes the edge off more than any anti depressant. I tried them all.

 

[Are you lost too?]

The only thing I feel any guilt about is my mum finding my body and causing her shock or stress. But this can't be avoided.

I dont feel guilty for wanting to cbt. The way I look at it it's my life and the way it ends is up to me.

Oh that's gonna be terrible here too. I think it might destroy her. I try not no think Too much about it. My father would suffer too but he is stronger., I'm sure he'll get over it l.
Besides from love and all that stuff, Other shit is that they are too religious. Daddy thinks I'll go straight to hell and mom to a terrible place called limbo where you stay there for a long time suffering.
My mom also cares too much about what other people think and that she will be a failure.

I am on Wellbutrin. Recently added medical marijuana, and that takes the edge off more than any anti depressant. I tried them all.

That's a commercial name for bupropion !!. We're anti depressant twins.

I tried another one before that too.

how was it for you, Did it take a long time for you to see improvement with thiS anti depressant ?

I had no ideia medical marijuana helped with depression. I'm glad you found something that helps !

oh that is no lt allowed on my country . And only if people get smarter and don't re-elect him, there would be medical marijisns

 

[charlie_z]

Recently added medical marijuana, and that takes the edge off more than any anti depressant. I tried them all.

Same here.

 

[Are you lost too?]

Only by committing crime and probably getting looooooots of stuff added to the marijuana lol

 

[MisanthropicLycan]

I feel guilty about wanting to ctb because of the grief it will cause to my family. That guilt seems to lessen day by day though. I think if they understood how tortured my mind is and how emotionally destroyed I am they would understand why I chose to leave this world.

 

[BlueWidow]

I'm taking two anti depressants ( bupropion and trazodone) , lithium ( just increased to two pills/night) and eszopiclone for sleeping) for two months now.
I know these damn meds take time but I haven't felt a positive single change from those fockers, only the damn side effects.

You seem to be having the same experience with the antidepressant meds that I am.
I was put on Wellbutrin (bupropion) back in August and I went through several weeks of very very severe dizziness. Sometimes it would be to the point that I would be sitting in a chair and it would seem like the entire room tilted sideways, like I was on a roller coaster or something! For the first several days that I was on the medicine I was so dizzy I was bumping into walls! Then after suffering through that side effect for several weeks, it started to slowly become less, but never disappeared. Then I started getting severe nausea to the point where I would literally have to lay in bed all day without hardly moving or else I would feel like I was gonna throw up. I did this for two weeks straight with it not getting even the tiniest bit better.
Finally, I just couldn't take it anymore because I had stuff to do and I couldn't lay around in bed anymore, so I had to just quit taking it. I just quit taking the pill cold turkey without my doctor's permission. My original intention was to just quit for a short period of time so that I could get all of my stuff done, and then I was going to go back on the pill. However, that's been several weeks ago and every time I even think about going back it, I get extremely ill. I think my body knows that if I start taking it again it's going to make me feel sick and so my body doesn't want it. I don't even know if I'd be able to get the pills down at this point.

I am on Wellbutrin. Recently added medical marijuana, and that takes the edge off more than any anti depressant. I tried them all.

That's a very interesting idea. I actually live in a state where marijuana is legal, so I wonder if I took some marijuana with the Wellbutrin if that would alleviate the nausea? Did you have any side effects from it when you first started taking it? The Wellbutrin, not the marijuana. I have never taken marijuana in any form, but I'm not opposed to it. If I thought it would help me I would most certainly use it.
Incidentally, I can relate as I've been on just about every antidepressant pill that there is too. The Wellbutrin is actually about the only one left that I haven't tried. I'm starting to fear that my depression is drug resistant.

 

[Are you lost too?]

You seem to be having the same experience with the antidepressant meds that I am.
I was put on Wellbutrin (bupropion) back in August and I went through several weeks of very very severe dizziness. Sometimes it would be to the point that I would be sitting in a chair and it would seem like the entire room tilted sideways, like I was on a roller coaster or something! For the first several days that I was on the medicine I was so dizzy I was bumping into walls! Then after suffering through that side effect for several weeks, it started to slowly become less, but never disappeared. Then I started getting severe nausea to the point where I would literally have to lay in bed all day without hardly moving or else I would feel like I was gonna throw up. I did this for two weeks straight with it not getting even the tiniest bit better.
Finally, I just couldn't take it anymore because I had stuff to do and I couldn't lay around in bed anymore, so I had to just quit taking it. I just quit taking the pill cold turkey without my doctor's permission. My original intention was to just quit for a short period of time so that I could get all of my stuff done, and then I was going to go back on the pill. However, that's been several weeks ago and every time I even think about going back it, I get extremely ill. I think my body knows that if I start taking it again it's going to make me feel sick and so my body doesn't want it. I don't even know if I'd be able to get the pills down at this point.



That's a very interesting idea. I actually live in a state where marijuana is legal, so I wonder if I took some marijuana with the Wellbutrin if that would alleviate the nausea? Did you have any side effects from it when you first started taking it? The Wellbutrin, not the marijuana. I have never taken marijuana in any form, but I'm not opposed to it. If I thought it would help me I would most certainly use it.
Incidentally, I can relate as I've been on just about every antidepressant pill that there is too. The Wellbutrin is actually about the only one left that I haven't tried. I'm starting to fear that my depression is drug resistant.

Oh, too bad it made you so sick :(
When you stopped cold turkey did you have any side effects ?

 

[BlueWidow]

Si

Oh, too bad it made you so sick :(
When you stopped cold turkey did you have any side effects ?

Not that I can tell. The only thing that happened was that my nausea went away and I wasn't quite as dizzy. I still have a low-grade dizziness that is constant because I have severe thyroid issues that my doctors can't seem to fix, but when I was on the Wellbutrin it was a million times worse.
I was bumping into walls because I was so dizzy. Then when the dizziness started to go away a little bit, then I started getting nauseous. This seems to happen with every antidepressant I take, and I've been on quite a few different ones in my life. Everyone of them has given me horrible side effects, but no relief of my depression symptoms. In fact, a lot of the medicines have made my depression symptoms worse.

 

[Are you lost too?]

Not that I can tell. The only thing that happened was that my nausea went away and I wasn't quite as dizzy. I still have a low-grade dizziness that is constant because I have severe thyroid issues that my doctors can't seem to fix, but when I was on the Wellbutrin it was a million times worse.
I was bumping into walls because I was so dizzy. Then when the dizziness started to go away a little bit, then I started getting nauseous. This seems to happen with every antidepressant I take, and I've been on quite a few different ones in my life. Everyone of them has given me horrible side effects, but no relief of my depression symptoms. In fact, a lot of the medicines have made my depression symptoms worse.

I'm so sorry to hear that BlueWidow.
At least you're off them now and can feel a little better.
peace

 

[http-410]

No, I would never feel guilty about wanting to ctb because I don't owe anyone my life.