huxIey
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
- May 25, 2023
- 11
I really haven't done anything the past days due to being sick and also my mental state. My head hurts and I also relapsed. I just wonder why when everything seems to be going decently I start to feel like this again.
I have friends and a girlfriend, but still, I'm miserable. I understand that my friends joke a lot around me but sometimes it would be nice to just ask how someone is doing or just consider what you're saying. My girlfriend too, I get her humor but why can't you be nice for a bit? It's not like I can fully blame her. I don't know if I love her, maybe it's just an attempt to feel less lonely, but still I feel like all of this has been what is making me decide to attempt again.
I sometimes wonder if I'll truly be happy. Yes, I can try therapists, medicine, etc but it's been like this for years. Why must I keep trying? Why do people let others live after an attempt? Isn't it cruel?
I read somewhere that if you still have something to say before attempting, you still have reasons to stay, but this time I don't think I do. I honestly just want this to end. It's the same as always, feeling good for a bit then the worst comes after.
It's nice to be able to say how I feel on the internet freely, but why couldn't it be the same with people around me? Especially with my family. It really feels like I ruined their lives along with mine.
I'll attempt tonight, I know pills aren't the best method but if I wake up in the morning, hanging will have to be the next thing.
I have friends and a girlfriend, but still, I'm miserable. I understand that my friends joke a lot around me but sometimes it would be nice to just ask how someone is doing or just consider what you're saying. My girlfriend too, I get her humor but why can't you be nice for a bit? It's not like I can fully blame her. I don't know if I love her, maybe it's just an attempt to feel less lonely, but still I feel like all of this has been what is making me decide to attempt again.
I sometimes wonder if I'll truly be happy. Yes, I can try therapists, medicine, etc but it's been like this for years. Why must I keep trying? Why do people let others live after an attempt? Isn't it cruel?
I read somewhere that if you still have something to say before attempting, you still have reasons to stay, but this time I don't think I do. I honestly just want this to end. It's the same as always, feeling good for a bit then the worst comes after.
It's nice to be able to say how I feel on the internet freely, but why couldn't it be the same with people around me? Especially with my family. It really feels like I ruined their lives along with mine.
I'll attempt tonight, I know pills aren't the best method but if I wake up in the morning, hanging will have to be the next thing.
