Venting Feel trapped inside my sick mind

[astamyr]

I am terrified and constantly anxious, every day waiting for the night time to fall asleep from my thoughts.
I'm waiting for the delivery of my SN and drugs, just to know that I have the option to leave at any time.
I don't remember what happened to me a couple of days ago, I can't remember feelings, existence is concentrated in the "now" point, filled with anxiety, pain, hopelessness and guilt
Can you imagine a therapist who offered to be in touch, but just says that "it will pass" for several months while I fall deeper into this sh*t hole.
Nah, this may sound dramatic and silly but I've lost faith in outside help and lost all will to change my condition on my own.
I have no one else to share this with.

I want to wish at least someone to find happiness or at least peace, I don't think I'll ever feel it

Sorry for this incoherent message
It was partly googletranslated

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really awful feeling so trapped in that situation, for me personally peace could only ever exist in the absence of everything and non-existence is what I see as being the only relief in this world filled with endless suffering. But anyway best wishes.