Feel like i’m stuck between life and death

[moon_r4]

I don't feel ready to fully commit to suicide (mostly out of fear), but at the same time I'm just not functional enough to commit to living and improving. I'm just sort of stumbling along with a vague future plan of killing myself. I feel bad about people who are trying to help me and i want to recover, but it's just doesn't feel like a realistic option. I don't know how to commit to living, as I've been feeling like crap for so long.
Don't really know why I'm writing this. Just venting I guess.

 

[Rachel74]

Vent away Moon x

 

[Midnight]

I've felt somewhat the same way for nearly 2 decades. However i don't fear death nor do i think there is anything after it. The last year i've been tieing up loose ends and been going almost broke,losing people and things dear to me (not caused by depression). So i'm inching forward to the inevitable.

Anyway i can relate. Wish you all the best.

 

[alexithymia]

You've described exactly how I feel. It feels like I'm past the point of trying to improve my life and looking forward so now I'm just existing.

Point is, you're not alone. I hope you find some solace in being here with others who understand.

 

[Querry1]

Same man, I'm just fed up with all the bullshit happening, like you know, when everything's going so well and everything is going shit one after another.

I want to return to gym, I want to go to therapy, I really do, but on the second hand what's the point, if I'm going to die soon? I've set a date about 1,5 month from now, but idk, I'm going through hard times now, no support, life's gift.

I just can not be happy with myself, my parents fucked me so badly, I'd like to write more but when I type this I started to cry more and more, I just want to feel normal and I want everything to be normal m

 

[suffering]

Same...

 

[Xaphous]

Felt like that my whole life, however I've never lived unlike most others.

 

[Final Escape]

Yea I've been in this same state for a long time now. I'm thinking I'm so ready for it to be over. I can't continue in this limbo state. I just hope I don't back out or fail and then end up disabled or something.

 

[Nem]

Same, my life is just completely screwed. I'm barely existing and things are getting worse daily, I'm in sales and I'm losing sales left and fucking right. A customer just let me know that they're going with another company. SUICIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peace/hugs

 

[justanotherday]

You've described exactly how I feel. It feels like I'm past the point of trying to improve my life and looking forward so now I'm just existing.

Point is, you're not alone. I hope you find some solace in being here with others who understand.

Yes, I am just existing too. That is no way to live. I feel like a walking zombie...

 

[nothingleft]

You've captured my inner state perfectly. I've lost the will to get out of the deep hole I'm in. They say the more depressive episodes you experience in life, the more likely they are to reoccur with increasing severity. I've tried nearly every treatment possible, none of which have worked. I've lost contacts with my friends and now I spend my days in bed, trying to distract myself from my miserable situation. The only solution in my mind is to end it. But I'm not sure I'm capable of suicide. I don't think some people are.

I'm probably going to be one of those people that exist without truly being living for a long time. That's the part of this I hate and fear the most.

 

[morningdew]

Feel the same. Health issue are chronic and don't seem to be able to improve no matter what I do. Life was really good 4 years ago.

 

[SlackJim]

same here... just want the scales to tip in either direction, don't enjoy this empty space

 

[Élégie]

I've been feeling like this for the last decade... Stuck in a limbo; neither truly alive nor dead...

You're not alone.