Discussion Feel like I'm doing life in prison for a crime I didn't commit

[lostangel]

I'm stuck here. I can't leave, I never asked to be here. I was forced here. I suppose there are a few differences between actual prison and this but mentally I feel locked up. I can't do the smallest thing without feeling like dying.

I'm saddened that I had no control over something that is very important for the development of me as a person. Emotional neglect and touch deprived. Every time I think of getting better or trying to better myself those things creep up and remind me of things I have missed out on.

Hugging and loving my dog many times during the day is helpful but it can never be a replacement for human touch. I'm not talking about sex with a human just a hug or handshake. I would even take a punch from someone in the arm or something but not the face.

I try to rationalize this tragedy of missing a very important piece of development during my childhood which has screwed me up and turned me into a robot who can't function properly with the reason that this will all be worth something and that the purpose of all this is beyond my understanding and there is some sort of ''justice'' for being robbed of something that I am not obliged to be given (as people always say the world owes you nothing) but need to be a functioning human.

 

[WornOutLife]

I wish I was there to hug you and talk about random stuff while we have some booze.
Life sucks and I agree, it's like we're in prison for a crime we didn't commit: to be born

 

[itachi of death]

That was my life till I was 20,so I understand how unbearable your situation, I was sentenced to lfe and I never wanted any of it,so im hear to lend a ear to anyone.

 

[woxihuanni]

The world owes you nothing is a reddit line to defend criminals.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I try to rationalize this tragedy of missing a very important piece of development during my childhood which has screwed me up and turned me into a robot who can't function properly with the reason that this will all be worth something and that the purpose of all this is beyond my understanding and there is some sort of ''justice'' for being robbed of something that I am not obliged to be given (as people always say the world owes you nothing) but need to be a functioning human

The world owes you nothing is a reddit line to defend criminals.

It is interesting because those who use this phrase will get very upset should we choose to end our own lives. They "owe us nothing" but somehow we "owe" them our lives? This is hypocritical and unfair.

 

[BridgeJumper]

I get where youre coming from

My situation is kinda different because I was loved as a child (I think), but as I got sick with this bipolar crap and steadily declined, everyone up and left. Im all alone, and lockdown is making it even worse.
I cant even put in words how much I crave actual human touch.
My parents treat me like a thing that inconveniences them, they are totally burned out, and my 'friends' are always 'busy with some other things' unless I agree to sex.
Im an object.
My dog passed 2 years ago while I was in German psych ward for trying to jump off a bridge yet again, I didnt even get to say goodbye to him, and my birthgivers wont let me get a new one cause 'responsibilitieeez'. So I hug and kiss my paintings as a substitute of emotion.
Tried hanging out with random people on the street, then I text them and theyre clearly not interested but I keep doing it anyway because Im desperate.
I feel like they can smell the desperation and thus keep away from me.
Disposable.
I even started researching those companies that offer to have a person hug you for some time in exchange for money. Im so desperate for a hug


Sorry I made it all about myself again but GAAAAH
T.T T.T T.T

 

[jing]

Hey mate, I wish I could hug you over the internet. If we were nearer we could just sit together and talk.

Anyway, what you described reminds me of this performance artist's piece, potraying life as a life sentence. I rememeber going to his exhibit at the TATE and really emphatised with his concept that passing time or life, being a life sentence; that we are destined to suffer.

I hope you feel better and remember, the door to this horrible prison is always open.

 

[SelfLiberation]

I'm stuck here. I can't leave, I never asked to be here. I was forced here. I suppose there are a few differences between actual prison and this but mentally I feel locked up. I can't do the smallest thing without feeling like dying.

Same with me, I wouldn't be here if I had a choice.

Wish I could give a hug to you guys .

 

[lostangel]

I get where youre coming from

My situation is kinda different because I was loved as a child (I think), but as I got sick with this bipolar crap and steadily declined, everyone up and left. Im all alone, and lockdown is making it even worse.
I cant even put in words how much I crave actual human touch.
My parents treat me like a thing that inconveniences them, they are totally burned out, and my 'friends' are always 'busy with some other things' unless I agree to sex.
Im an object.
My dog passed 2 years ago while I was in German psych ward for trying to jump off a bridge yet again, I didnt even get to say goodbye to him, and my birthgivers wont let me get a new one cause 'responsibilitieeez'. So I hug and kiss my paintings as a substitute of emotion.
Tried hanging out with random people on the street, then I text them and theyre clearly not interested but I keep doing it anyway because Im desperate.
I feel like they can smell the desperation and thus keep away from me.
Disposable.
I even started researching those companies that offer to have a person hug you for some time in exchange for money. Im so desperate for a hug


Sorry I made it all about myself again but GAAAAH
T.T T.T T.T

Don't feel bad about making it about you. It's good to hear others are in a similar situation to me. I have definitely looked up a ''hugging or cuddling'' service in my country to get some sort of human touch as I needed it so badly. I'm sorry to hear about your dog. I hope you find something to make you feel good again.

 

[Painless_end]

I also didn't ask to be here. My crime was being born.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I understand this feeling. I feel like I'm trapped in a brain prison in a flesh suit can't I cant escape. I feel like life has punished me with all the trauma and bad that's happened to me. In my experience it seems like people don't care that we were deprived of love in childhood... people don't seem to understand that trauma in childhood greatly impacts the person as an adult. Society expects us to be "functioning" and never addresses the issues...and they never will. If "the world owes me nothing" then I'm opting out because I can't even participate in life due to trauma.

Sending you hugs.