feel like i shouldn’t be here

[potentialgone21]

there's a lot of people who have it much worse than i do. i had an okay childhood, besides a kinda messy divorce. some mental health challenges with my family too. i was studying psychology in school and wanted to make an impact on others. i felt grateful for my life and support system. my brother tried to cbt and it totally messed with me. my mom lost her mom recently which hurt my family a lot. my parents aren't rich i have been babysitting and working since 13, and i hated asking them for money. i got an apartment for junior year of college and worked a lot babysitting dog walking and my actual job. i got an internship working with homeless. all of a sudden everything fell apart? but like my own fault. i stopped going to my internship, showering, or leaving my room at my apartment. i quit my job for god knows why since i needed it to afford, the apartment? i stopped buying groceries besides dollar ramen and oatmeal and lost so much weight trying not to ask parents for more money. id never had any problems with my body, but all of a sudden my redeemable qualifies in myself (ass and tits) were gone. my skin started to be horrible. i didn't want anyone to see me in that state and it just kept going. i moved home with my dad and haven't really left my bed in months. i stopped talking to all my friends. it was all preventable though? i don't want to hurt my family but all of a sudden i have no future. i have watching on this profile since march but just made an account. i'm also so scared of pain but i just hate myself so much. my body and just me myself rotting. i feel like i had potential but just wasted it. it feels selfish to talk abt cbt and i know it is but i just can't stop thinking about it.

 

[jc2121]

I feel the same exact way. I had an ok childhood besides my mom dying at 13. I was always raised by my grandparents who loved me more than anything so I feel like others had it a lot worse. Everything that Is happening to me right now is my fault. I quit my job and i mostly just stay in my apartment crying all day. I just want to go already. As selfish as it is those are your feelings just like me and they can't be controlled. I keep thinking about all the hurt my family would go through if I went through with this but I also don't want to keep living just to keep my family happy.

 

[potentialgone21]

I feel the same exact way. I had an ok childhood besides my mom dying at 13. I was always raised by my grandparents who loved me more than anything so I feel like others had it a lot worse. Everything that Is happening to me right now is my fault. I quit my job and i mostly just stay in my apartment crying all day. I just want to go already. As selfish as it is those are your feelings just like me and they can't be controlled. I keep thinking about all the hurt my family would go through if I went through with this but I also don't want to keep living just to keep my family happy.

real!! i am nervous about repercussions like if other people in my family would take their life though. but i can't even socialize anymore and it just feels like the only way out. i'm scared of pain tho i haven't tried anything besides researching.

 

[CantDoIt]

God I know the feeling. Spent my entire college years messing around and being depressed about really stupid shit. Lost a lot of weight and now look like garbage. Skin is so sensitive past a certain age. Eat a poor diet, be stressed, loose weight, hormone issues, smoking, etc. Do it for a little while and your skin quality and structure just tanks! This is why functional people tend to have great skin.i even for a degree I'm not using and didn't even attempt to do any kind of internships....I am no one and I'm at the end of my rope. Hard to believe it happened to me but I guess there were red flags since childhood that I just didn't take care of before it was too late

I am so sorry you're going through this