BillyBob
Student
- Jun 14, 2018
- 179
With in the next 2 weeks I will be admitted to an eating disorder clinic and I am getting stressed out about it due to the fact that I will be stuck there for 1 month plus from what my guess is. I have anorexia nervosa and it has been a struggle with life, lost my job to it and I have nothing left anymore. Failed at life, failed at being a normal every day person.
Don't fit in anywhere in society at all.
It was a voluntary admission only because I somewhat had no option from my bad health and vitals not being to well that it was either that or get sent to the mental ward for awhile.
Can not make up my mind if I go to it or CTB before going to just stop all the pain I am suffering from from my eating disorder and many other mental illnesses. I know this time around it will not do anything for me but may stop the binge eating side of the eating disorder but the anorexia side will take over big time when I get released like it did last time.
There is a chance that I can not take my laptop with me and if that is the case I will tell them there would no no way in hell I would go. Will find out next week what is happening with that.
If I go I will be forced to eat food as well which scares the living heck out of me, as currently I only eat once a day and it is just a binge/purge and I have not kept a meal down in 2 years now.
This will also be my third time going to the clinic and I have no doubt I will be completely segregated again because I am a male and older, which I guess is fair since they treat younger people most of the time and they are almost always females. It gets very lonely there like you are shunned and are nothing.
The whole thing feels pointless to me and I have no clue what option to take anymore. Will have to weigh it up over this weekend as I have t put the final touch up on all my notes and instructions on what to do after my death.
Don't fit in anywhere in society at all.
It was a voluntary admission only because I somewhat had no option from my bad health and vitals not being to well that it was either that or get sent to the mental ward for awhile.
Can not make up my mind if I go to it or CTB before going to just stop all the pain I am suffering from from my eating disorder and many other mental illnesses. I know this time around it will not do anything for me but may stop the binge eating side of the eating disorder but the anorexia side will take over big time when I get released like it did last time.
There is a chance that I can not take my laptop with me and if that is the case I will tell them there would no no way in hell I would go. Will find out next week what is happening with that.
If I go I will be forced to eat food as well which scares the living heck out of me, as currently I only eat once a day and it is just a binge/purge and I have not kept a meal down in 2 years now.
This will also be my third time going to the clinic and I have no doubt I will be completely segregated again because I am a male and older, which I guess is fair since they treat younger people most of the time and they are almost always females. It gets very lonely there like you are shunned and are nothing.
The whole thing feels pointless to me and I have no clue what option to take anymore. Will have to weigh it up over this weekend as I have t put the final touch up on all my notes and instructions on what to do after my death.
