Feel alone and hopeless

[Butterflyshadow]

I had a troubled and sad childhood. my parents abandoned me when I was 1 year old in my country of origin .. and they left me there for 3 years without ever seeing me ... when they came to get me they treated me like the black sheep of the family and I lived for years physical abuse and violence on their part ... I left home at 14 and I was in cimunity until I was 18 ... my parents have never changed, even if they have not beaten me since I am fed up with it they continue to treat me badly and manipulate, trying to inculcate the Muslim religion, now I am 24 and I hardly ever hear them ... I found love a year ago and we were together a year and now we haven't been together for 4 months ... it was a long distance relationship with a beautiful Dutch guy, never felt like this before ..I never really felt what love was, but it was a troubled relationship full of problems ... now we have not been together for 4 months ... I feel bad, I feel alone and although we both broke up with arguments and arguments .. I do not feel at all well .. he was the most beautiful boy I had ever met ... who in any case had pampered me in a way that no one had ever done .. here in Italy no one treats you the same way ... no boy I have ever seen as handsome as he ... having lost it ... it destroys me ... I don't even have the motivation to do anything, I feel lonely and abandoned by everyone ... I only see negative things ... I see my life and other heavy enough things that I can't tell you ... I see this poor country where I live, Italy, full of ignorant, racist and jobless people, full of cheaters and full of bigots, without him I have lost my motivation in everything ... I feel angry because we both drifted apart .. he promised me he would never abandon me even if I did it with the most sincere and sweet eyes I had ever seen .... I did not believe it would really happen ... Because I trusted what he said ... Now another person has abandoned me ... and here I fell to the ground again ... but this time I will not be able to get up again I think ... I am diabetic and I have not taken insulin since yesterday, I want to leave die ... because the person I loved most is now gone and doesn't even want me anymore and I can't believe it...

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Life is really unfair.

Hope you can find peace soon. You deserve the best.

 

[Lady black]

That´s really that you lost your big love. But are you sure there´s no chance to fell better in a few weeks or months? You are 24, so there´s enough time left to find the right person for your lifetime relationship. Please clearly think if it´s the right time to die, although I´m the last one that would say suicide is not good, but you should be sure if it´s the only way out

 

[seenthelight]

"As I walk this land of broken dreams / I have visions of many things / But happiness is just an illusion / Filled with sadness and confusion"

This classic was written in 1963 and millions (if not billions) of people since them empathize with these lyrics. You are not alone.

Partner issues? I got strong after every broken relationship. My way out was thinking "their loss". They lost this caring and sensitive person that I am. I moved on and found each time better partners , but life keeps on showing its unfair dark hand and keeping on knocking me down.

After many attempts I thought what the heck I am going to die anyway, so let nature takes its course and if there is an after life I am waiting to ask the people beyond "WTF did you put there (this world) for?"

I am an old man now, life for me is downhill everyday. I have a glass of whisky and a glass of SN in front of me, maybe when the bottle finishes and the whisky glass will be forever empty I will take the SN tonight, but like for the past 11 months I have been saying "not today" and I will also say that today.

If not I will open a thread "My turn" to let all the voyeurs salivating with my description of my last breath.

 

[Butterflyshadow]

That´s really that you lost your big love. But are you sure there´s no chance to fell better in a few weeks or months? You are 24, so there´s enough time left to find the right person for your lifetime relationship. Please clearly think if it´s the right time to die, although I´m the last one that would say suicide is not good, but you should be sure if it´s the only way out

I am living a difficult life in different areas ... there is not much positive ... before I was fighting ... but I had someone next to me and before I was with my ex I was talking to someone else or knew other people ... now I I feel guilty about him because I still love him. also when I wrote to others I felt guilty and in one way or another they did not seem to me at his level. the life I lead is too difficult to do it alone and I also miss her very strongly.

 

[Lady black]

I understand, so you think it´s the end for you cause you will never find a good partner

 

[seenthelight]

There is no point in fighting life. That is a lost cause. The Tao(or Dao) religion (the people of ying and yang) says you have to follow the flow - that is one way of seeing things. BTW I find all religions BS, but I like their thinking.
I am guilty of horrible things. There are children who grew up without their parents because of me. They are mistakes I made, I regret them every day but I can not go to the past and change it. I live with it. I know I did wrong and there is nothing I can do about it. I try to be a better person not to make the same mistakes again. I don't get it right all the time, but that is our fallible existence as human beings. I know I am guilty but I don't carry guilty if you know what I mean.
There is a psychology technique called "reframing" get the negatives and make them positives. Making jokes about it is a start.

 

[Butterflyshadow]

I understand, so you think it´s the end for you cause you will never find a good partner

I really bealived in this... i am tired of illusions... for me it is like a person who you really cared is death, because he is not with me anymore, he was the only one person who i was speacking with... i didn't have no one else.. not even good friends...i don't have people around me.

 

[Lady black]

I understand your problem cause there is also no one around me. And now it´s really shit cause of corona it´s not possible to get to know other people to be not alone. It´s really a shit period of time now. But I hope you won´t regret it if, if you die

 

[Butterflyshadow]

I can't think to every bad things happend between me and him.. after he was really the person who i felt so good with... i can't think on his words and his behaves..
I am sorry buy I wish to die soon to don't think on these things and suffer anymore.

 

[Lady black]

So you should have a look for a quick and easy method. So if that´s your wish, I hope you will be able to do it soon

 

[Butterflyshadow]

I know i did mistakes also with him...
Even if it was possible to go to him to him because he was standing to it and make peace, he doesn't stand to talk about something is not okey... fast he becames angry and hang out the conversation even if you talk in a normal way.
Also i don't know how to accept things are happend... and it is very bad when you still have feelings for someone... and you were thinking he was the true one...
Than... in my opinion i just think i should die..

 

[Lady black]

I can´t promise that there will come someone new in your life that makes you fell good. So if you think death is the best option for you, you should do that