Fear of taking SN

[Catastrofe]

I do have SN and all medications needed. I have it all since almost two years now.
Still, I cannot find the courage to take it.

Does anyone else feel the same?

 

[depressedinsomniac]

fear is there but i am in a lot of mental pain...it's normal...what is your reason to ctb?

 

[Catastrofe]

fear is there but i am in a lot of mental pain...it's normal...what is your reason to ctb?

Sorry, I do not really wish to share it. But you can share yours if you like :)

 

[death_bed221]

I do have SN and all medications needed. I have it all since almost two years now.
Still, I cannot find the courage to take it.

Does anyone else feel the same?

Take only when u are 100% sure. But yea I feel u. I got sn a couple of days ago and have the benzos but I still cant take it. I am not ready yet

 

[Xanabby]

Is it the fear of physical pain?
Why not live for now? knowing that you have it "just in case".
When everything becomes absolutely unbearable the courage will find you.

 

[depressedinsomniac]

well like in my case my mental health took a dive. Physically i am ok. But like literally my brain is hurting. Like I feel physical soreness. I also have very deep depression. So no joy. Also insomnia. Not sleeping much. This did not develop until later in life. The reason I ask about reason to ctb is perhaps you can improve your conditions? Giving you reason to live? I am also facing homelessness. So like that impending fear of being homeless is on the table further pushing me. If you have had 2 years and managed through I just wonder what would it take for you to be truly happy enough to just live?

 

[Catastrofe]

Is it the fear of physical pain?
Why not live for now? knowing that you have it "just in case".
When everything becomes absolutely unbearable the courage will find you.

I am not sure what it is... it can partially be fear of physical pain, and I am also in general a pretty indecisive person so, it is also personality.
I just cannot take me to do it.
It is everything unbearable already :)

Thanks for your answer :)

well like in my case my mental health took a dive. Physically i am ok. But like literally my brain is hurting. Like I feel physical soreness. I also have very deep depression. So no joy. Also insomnia. Not sleeping much. This did not develop until later in life. The reason I ask about reason to ctb is perhaps you can improve your conditions? Giving you reason to live? I am also facing homelessness. So like that impending fear of being homeless is on the table further pushing me. If you have had 2 years and managed through I just wonder what would it take for you to be truly happy enough to just live?

I am sorry for what you have been going through, really.

I also have very heavy depression, I recently realized I cannot make it without medicine, so if I do not ctb I will start some antidepressant.

These past 2 years... I did not make it through I would say. There was no intention. I feel like I want do die every day, every minute... what I am saying is that it is not batteling, not enduring the pain, the reason I am still alive is that I cannot take myself to do it.

 

[kapa]

I got my SN 3 days ago and still haven't tested it yet. I won't be able to find antiemetic or benzos I was thinking for some weed. But suddenly I kinda feel afraid to die alone despite the fact that was all I ever wanted.

 

[Catastrofe]

I got my SN 3 days ago and still haven't tested it yet. I won't be able to find antiemetic or benzos I was thinking for some weed. But suddenly I kinda feel afraid to die alone despite the fact that was all I ever wanted.

I think that when we come face to face with having it, and have the real chance to ctb, it is all another story than just thinking about it.

I am sorry for whatever is your condition, and whatever suffering you are going through!

 

[soonnotkoei]

i am pretty sure this is what will happen to me too when i am ready to ctb. ill have my method all prepped, be ready to go and then i just know ill back out like a fucking loser.
well i am wishing you the courage if you decide to take the step.

 

[Catastrofe]

i am pretty sure this is what will happen to me too when i am ready to ctb. ill have my method all prepped, be ready to go and then i just know ill back out like a fucking loser.
well i am wishing you the courage if you decide to take the step.

It is not being a loser : firstly, no one is a loser. Secondly, it is only normal to feel scared. Thirdly, do not judge yourself so hardly : the world is hard enough.

 

[kapa]

I think that when we come face to face with having it, and have the real chance to ctb, it is all another story than just thinking about it.

I am sorry for whatever is your condition, and whatever suffering you are going through!

It is you're right.

I'm sorry for you to I you find your peace

 

[areyousafe??]

I have SN, all the supplementary meds except for the benzos. I was going to do it over the New Years, but felt it was too soon and I didn't feel ready. I have moved it to end of January, or possibly in March, but it will be hard to gather up the courage to swallow the SN when the time comes.

 

[divinemistress36]

Yes damn SI

 

[lnlybnny]

I'm scared of even buying it so you can imagine lol

 

[Anonymous_A]

That's probably the main thing with this method, or any method tbh.

You find this place in hopes of finding the perfect ctb method. You find SN, you get exited because it first seems good. But then you spend too much time looking into it and get hit with the paralysis by analysis. Like with any method.

Just gotta get one method, reach absolute lowest point (I've not reached that yet, since still here) and just go for it. As blunt as it is, that's the only way. Yeah a few people had figured it out, the posters in here who have done it successfully and logged it. But they're rare.


Kids, I'm talking young children hang themself. Without thinking too much into it. They're kids. Like 10 year olds you hear ctb.

 

[Catastrofe]

That's probably the main thing with this method, or any method tbh.

You find this place in hopes of finding the perfect ctb method. You find SN, you get exited because it first seems good. But then you spend too much time looking into it and get hit with the paralysis by analysis. Like with any method.

Just gotta get one method, reach absolute lowest point (I've not reached that yet, since still here) and just go for it. As blunt as it is, that's the only way. Yeah a few people had figured it out, the posters in here who have done it successfully and logged it. But they're rare.


Kids, I'm talking young children hang themself. Without thinking too much into it. They're kids. Like 10 year olds you hear ctb.

Yeah, I hae also been realizing that the problem is overthinking.
It is not even about reaching the lowest, because even there you get feelings of fear and anxiety and something (which is not hope) holds you back.
It is just overthinking. And it is only about doing it or not, this is all.

Either I can "switch my brain off" and just do it, or not,

Thanks everyone for the answers, for now.

 

[Peace2peace]

That's probably the main thing with this method, or any method tbh.

You find this place in hopes of finding the perfect ctb method. You find SN, you get exited because it first seems good. But then you spend too much time looking into it and get hit with the paralysis by analysis. Like with any method.

Just gotta get one method, reach absolute lowest point (I've not reached that yet, since still here) and just go for it. As blunt as it is, that's the only way. Yeah a few people had figured it out, the posters in here who have done it successfully and logged it. But they're rare.


Kids, I'm talking young children hang themself. Without thinking too much into it. They're kids. Like 10 year olds you hear ctb.

I can relate initially I was so excited when I got my sn about 3 months bk now am just scared of the other side even though am constantly living in pain I just need some courage thats all

 

[Too_Many_Years]

I feel this. I was going to try to buy some but im scared at the same time of a painful death or not taking enough. Also scared of dying alone. I think this is telling me im not 100% ready yet.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I do have SN and all medications needed. I have it all since almost two years now.
Still, I cannot find the courage to take it.

Does anyone else feel the same?

yes i know same. however if you had 3 bottles of nembutal to take 15 grams and ondasetron and metoclopramide . would it be easier or still couldn't do it?

 

[Catastrofe]

yes i know same. however if you had 3 bottles of nembutal to take 15 grams and ondasetron and metoclopramide . would it be easier or still couldn't do it?

Also SN method is quite easy, and you can make it very fast : you take some pills and 45 minhtes after you take SN. I cannot get to the first step either ... I cannot even start taking the meds.
Yesterday I did the solution with water and regular salt, just to see how much was it to drink. But I cannot bring myself to start the process.
I do not think it would be different with another method ...

I cannot understand what it is.
I am also aware that it is normal to be scared, but I cannot clearly see what is that is stopping me. No hope, nodesire to keep on ... I just cannot build up the courage.

 

[Anonymous_A]

Yeah, I hae also been realizing that the problem is overthinking.
It is not even about reaching the lowest, because even there you get feelings of fear and anxiety and something (which is not hope) holds you back.
It is just overthinking. And it is only about doing it or not, this is all.

Your right. It's so hard,mentally.

Literally had a monent a few weeks back (whilst high on ketamine fml) where I balled my eyes out and sat on the floor saying to myself idk what to do. Saying to myself I need to go but I really don't, but i do (probably hanging when the final monent comes where im done for real..) but i was like wtf, literally broke down so hard. Was a really strange whilst coming back from a k hole lol

But I've got SN too, had it years in the cupboard..it's no good now as it's dried up. Still have it for keeps sake…even got a scuba mask somewhere, where I first thought I'd do the oxygen mask, which they are all easier said than done.

 

[bananaolympus]

I also have sn, but i don't fear to take it what i fear is to survive, i already survived and is one of the worst feelings i felt so defeated, i also would like to live until my parents die but it gets harder every day