Fear of Being Disabled

[lsdycion]

Hi, this is my first post. I'm sorry if this thread topic has been discussed before; I tried searching the forums for something similar, but I couldn't find anything. This may be the fault of user error, though, as I am still familiarizing myself with the layout of these forums.

I've no fear of death or pain or anything, but the idea of failing my suicide and being left permanently disabled, mentally or physically, is one of the biggest reasons I haven't attempted. Does anybody else feel similarly? Or, maybe, felt similarly in the past?

There's nothing wrong with being disabled, of course, and I understand that if I want to live I should get over my fear, but I resent the idea of being a burden on other people. It's part of the source of my suicidal ideation. I wouldn't mind dying, but the idea of putting a gun in my mouth and misfiring or being caught in the middle of strangulation and then having to live out my life dependent on other people makes me so, so afraid.

 

[drag201]

Yes, absolutely. Everything that you said, I've thought about before. I get really scared that I could fail and have to live the rest of my life in hospitals/vegetative care and be even more of a burden to the people around me physically/mentally for those who are around me, but also financially, which would just ruin my family's life even more.
Even worse is the thought that I will still be fully conscious, just unable to move, speak, etc. It would be a hundred times worse than the way I'm living right now. And the fact that I would be in that state because I attempted to take my life would just be hell. It really bothers me thinking about it but I guess with some planning and research it can be avoided.

 

[dolemitedrums]

Yeah it's a consideration for sure. I don't really encourage anyone to end it on here, but if you are going to, then actually end it as opposed to mucking it up and living as a fraction of yourself thereafter.

 

[Illegal Preclear]

Having a botched attempt that leaves you as some kind of vegetable is everyone's worst fear here I think. You're certainly not alone in that. For what it's worth - if you have access to firearms, especially a shotgun or magnum, the lethality rate is 99%. The stories you hear of people who misfire and wind up surviving positioned the gun horribly wrong (going for the temple instead of inside the mouth) or are just extreme outliers. The rate of surviving suicide by gunshot to the head is 1%. Here's a link to a study on it: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5175460/

Which is why I always say, if you have access to firearms, ALWAYS go for the gun, specifically a shotgun. You can't beat a 99% lethality rate.

 

[2broken2fix]

I completely understand you, my biggest fears are being stopped/"saved" before I make it to the other side or being found... I know it's stupid to be afraid of something I wouldn't experience anyway, as I'd be dead, but I can't help re-running it over and over in my head with my mother and siblings and my best friend finding my body and wondering what they could have done to prevent it... especially when there's nothing they could do. I'll echo Illegal Preclear above and say if you can, go for a firearm... it's hard to beat statistics.

 

[happynot]

Totally agree with you I don't have access to firearm which makes it worse

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally find it so terrifying how trying to die can potentially go wrong and lead to way worse torture and agony, in general I just fear suffering in this immensley cruel existence. I fear how there is no limit as to how much one can suffer as long as they exist, I find it so devastating how I cannot just have a death like never waking again with no risks involved, I simply just wish to painlessly die as I don't want to suffer in any way, I just want nothingness instead.

 

[DeathSleep]

I agree. Things can get significantly worse. It can always get worse. It makes me hesitate for sure.

 

[emma99]

Disability from failure is also one of my biggest fears.
but after reading the books and deciding on my method
Im less worried.

Im also worried about being prevented from my attempt.
I actually recently reported someone who has a history
of threatening me to the police. because they recently started
threatening me again, and if they were to assault me.
it may mess with my planned CTB.

They are a trained cage fighter, and i dont fancy being in hospital for any length of time, as that would cause me to miss my window of opportunity

I just need them to stay out of my way.
and on the flip side, it would be ironic if people
blame them for my death after i ctb.
(although i dont want to wish bad on anyone)

 

[GhostShell]

Considering how few people still care about covid I guess they do not really see disability in a rational way, because their cognitive dissonance forces them to ignore the risk daily.

Speak to some disabled people and see how many were disabled from attempted suicide compared to permanently bedbound from long covid.

I expect anger for this response but deep down you know I am right. Dont talk about theoretical disability from your possible attempts while contributing to the pandemic that disabled me and millions others permanently with the illness that has the lowest quality of life, ME/CFS.

 

[blacksand]

I will be blowing my brains out standing on the edge of a 300ft cliff and falling into the most desolate piece of ocean on earth (the high latitude south Pacific). I will likely never even be found.

 

[lsdycion]

Considering how few people still care about covid I guess they do not really see disability in a rational way, because their cognitive dissonance forces them to ignore the risk daily.

Speak to some disabled people and see how many were disabled from attempted suicide compared to permanently bedbound from long covid.

I expect anger for this response but deep down you know I am right. Dont talk about theoretical disability from your possible attempts while contributing to the pandemic that disabled me and millions others permanently with the illness that has the lowest quality of life, ME/CFS.

I appreciate your perspective on this. It's nice to hear from someone who is actually disabled, compared to abled people like me talking about a hypothetical fear that is immature and irrational. For what it's worth, I care a lot about disabilities caused by long COVID, and I still mask in public, because protecting others is greatly important to me. I am so sorry for your poor quality of life; it's disgusting how little care about such a serious disorder. I hope things get better for you in the future.

 

[Placo]

I believe that leaving a note in this case could be useful, that in case of survival with serious damage to pursue the path of euthanasia or assisted suicide, obviously it is not certain that the will will be respected but better than nothing.
I have to admit that I have never had this fear in particular, I have to say a little in the last few days for this reason I thought about the letter thing.

But in the end even while living you can have a stroke and still remain in worse conditions than before so personally it is not something that stops me.

 

[Chronicallyunwell]

Yeah it's a consideration for sure. I don't really encourage anyone to end it on here, but if you are going to, then actually end it as opposed to mucking it up and living as a fraction of yourself thereafter.

You cant absolutely guarantee you won't t fuck it up though. Its my biggest fear too.

Considering how few people still care about covid I guess they do not really see disability in a rational way, because their cognitive dissonance forces them to ignore the risk daily.

Speak to some disabled people and see how many were disabled from attempted suicide compared to permanently bedbound from long covid.

I expect anger for this response but deep down you know I am right. Dont talk about theoretical disability from your possible attempts while contributing to the pandemic that disabled me and millions others permanently with the illness that has the lowest quality of life, ME/CFS.

I'm m sorry this happened to you

I will be blowing my brains out standing on the edge of a 300ft cliff and falling into the most desolate piece of ocean on earth (the high latitude south Pacific). I will likely never even be found.

Can I go with you?