Fear just hit me like a truck

[Yaffle]

As I've mentioned in several other threads, I've had suicidal thoughts for 30+ years.

I researched N a few years ago and over the last few years extensively researched Helium and Nitrogen exit bags, regulators etc etc

Today I've just been researching Sulphuric Acid and Formic Acid for the CO method and been hit by the gravity of what I'm researching. I've even modified the GULPS generator in my mind to make it safer to transport in the car to my desired spot, the attention to detail is probably what's really done it.

Yes it's what I want so much but the simple fact is that whilst I don't fear the eternal emptiness of death itself, I'm petrified of dying.

How the hell do we get past this?

 

[gbi2]

Possibly similar to everything we go through that is hard. Take a step back, try and stop thinking about it so deeply for a day or two then 'regroup' and see what comes from it. It might be a moment that changes your mind or it might just be an internal scream for help that wont reach any helpful ears. Just close whatever pages you have open and think about immediate things for a bit, like getting dinner, or a drink or something.

I'm no expert but I guess it's just bringing yourself down a bit so you think clearly again.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I honestly wouldn't worry too much about it and just leave it for another day.
It's common for people to make multiple attempts, or back out many times over before actually commiting.
It's easy to be too hard on yourself with something like this.

 

[FuneralCry]

Maybe those who managed to go through with it once they had access to a method that they felt confident in just got so determined to be free and knew it was the right time. I find it dreadful how it's just not straightforward to die on our own terms.

 

[thewalkingdread]

How the hell do we get past this?

I really don't know... And I don't think no one knows.

The fact is: whether we kill ourselves or not, we're all going to die at somepoint. We will all necessarily get to the point where we will have to get past it... Like It or not.

And that really sucks... (At least to some extent).

There's no escaping it, unless someone comes up with some sort of immortality, miraculous, panacea.

There's not much solace in it but... Somewhere in the world, in some hospital, a terminal pacient is about to die — wittingly. It's not any more easy for them to let go too.

 

[Fire]

I relate to some extent, researching something that goes against our innate desire to live and pondering such an act made me think i shouldn't know all this information about how to die. i've put more research into this than most things in life. it's a weird feeling to say the least..

Yes it's what I want so much but the simple fact is that whilst I don't fear the eternal emptiness of death itself, I'm petrified of dying.

How the hell do we get past this?

i dont have any answers but i am right there with you and i assume many others are as well.

 

[thewalkingdread]

Persuading our bodies to catch the bus out of this "Hotel Hellifornia" is not easy... But "up there" — in our minds, as Kramer says: we're all already gone.

 

[DT2007]

As I've mentioned in several other threads, I've had suicidal thoughts for 30+ years.

I researched N a few years ago and over the last few years extensively researched Helium and Nitrogen exit bags, regulators etc etc

Today I've just been researching Sulphuric Acid and Formic Acid for the CO method and been hit by the gravity of what I'm researching. I've even modified the GULPS generator in my mind to make it safer to transport in the car to my desired spot, the attention to detail is probably what's really done it.

Yes it's what I want so much but the simple fact is that whilst I don't fear the eternal emptiness of death itself, I'm petrified of dying.

How the hell do we get past this?

I think thats what we all fear in some way. It's that no one can really tell you what its really like. There are NDEs but the reports don't take away the fear. I personally assume that dying is closely related to becoming unconscious or anestesia. One moment youre here the next you're gone. Maybe we are afraid of being in pain. Idk. Death is a dreamless sleep until we raise again. (My personal believe) it's the step over the border that scares us the most and maybe for some, knowing that you can't turn back, which makes the final step even harder.