Fear failure and regrets. How to read a book.

[dandan]

So I've been a victim of fear, fear of failing in many things my whole life. 38 years old and I've behaved like a kid, fearful. Sense of avoiding making mistakes or getting into uncomfortable situations have hinder my progress and joyfulness in life, I've been behaving oddly weird in recovery and I've not mature like a man yet, and in the process.

So I've got many self help books in Amazon and been reading them through the coronavirus situation, sure lots of them are good and applicable.

However I finally move from the self help subject into how to be a new man , title and subject, the book has like three parts, or more, however I've skipped those about money and located what I'm really interested right now which is being a man.

Interestingly enough I read and highlighted key paragraphs, being reading them couple times , just a few of them. We basically know all this ee read you know? Much things are common sense , I can agree, I've heard / read elsewhere.

This time there's some powerful message for me, just a page and a half where it talks about failure.

I'm in recovery and was enjoying it, first few weeks I met a gorgeous sane mentally and emotionally healthy woman, we fell for each other so bad that she asked me for life commitment, I've said no because I just had less than four months of feeling good after twenty year depression situation and two attempts on myself. I did not want her to experience any of my possible shit. I still hold N in the fridge, it's like a reminder of who I was.

However I'm still afraid of failure, I have not but tonight to start challenging my vision of failure thanks to that book. Thanks to the words and idea that I can change my perspective on failure. I can fail! I will fail. I've fail many times , what do I have to loose?

Perhaps I need to fail. In love, in business, in health, (please health no), in friendship or specially in the startup project I'm aiming for.

I've have to accept failure as given and taken. As a fertilizer which would only serve me to make me stronger , wiser.

Because I have a deep desire to live, actually I also want my love life back.

The girl I met she's now with someone she did not like, she said I pushed her to see the value in that guy and that. Now she's thankful I rejected her cause she's in love and she can reaffirm herself she made a good decision by being with him. That truly hurts , but that's not failure , that was caring for her and also cowardness.

I can regret , I do, I did not fail, but I avoided. And in 38 years I only met two girls of such high value who get interested in me. I'll have to look for the good side of the story.

I've learned! I'll start failing more often, holding my head high. Respect.

Starting today I'll even ask gracefully for my new medication, which I know doctors are reluctant to give I'll ask for it , twice if needed. If not, I'll get it with another doctor, I have to sleep.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I think self help books are a scam. Best thing to do is just do something but CV19 is going to make doing most things hard

 

[Sensei]

I think self help books are a scam. Best thing to do is just do something but CV19 is going to make doing most things hard

I'm not into self-help books, in fact I've never even read one, but I believe they can help many people. If something can help a member of our community feel better, I'm all for it.

 

[DocNo]

So I've been a victim of fear, fear of failing in many things my whole life. 38 years old and I've behaved like a kid, fearful. Sense of avoiding making mistakes or getting into uncomfortable situations have hinder my progress and joyfulness in life, I've been behaving oddly weird in recovery and I've not mature like a man yet, and in the process.

So I've got many self help books in Amazon and been reading them through the coronavirus situation, sure lots of them are good and applicable.

However I finally move from the self help subject into how to be a new man , title and subject, the book has like three parts, or more, however I've skipped those about money and located what I'm really interested right now which is being a man.

Interestingly enough I read and highlighted key paragraphs, being reading them couple times , just a few of them. We basically know all this ee read you know? Much things are common sense , I can agree, I've heard / read elsewhere.

This time there's some powerful message for me, just a page and a half where it talks about failure.

I'm in recovery and was enjoying it, first few weeks I met a gorgeous sane mentally and emotionally healthy woman, we fell for each other so bad that she asked me for life commitment, I've said no because I just had less than four months of feeling good after twenty year depression situation and two attempts on myself. I did not want her to experience any of my possible shit. I still hold N in the fridge, it's like a reminder of who I was.

However I'm still afraid of failure, I have not but tonight to start challenging my vision of failure thanks to that book. Thanks to the words and idea that I can change my perspective on failure. I can fail! I will fail. I've fail many times , what do I have to loose?

Perhaps I need to fail. In love, in business, in health, (please health no), in friendship or specially in the startup project I'm aiming for.

I've have to accept failure as given and taken. As a fertilizer which would only serve me to make me stronger , wiser.

Because I have a deep desire to live, actually I also want my love life back.

The girl I met she's now with someone she did not like, she said I pushed her to see the value in that guy and that. Now she's thankful I rejected her cause she's in love and she can reaffirm herself she made a good decision by being with him. That truly hurts , but that's not failure , that was caring for her and also cowardness.

I can regret , I do, I did not fail, but I avoided. And in 38 years I only met two girls of such high value who get interested in me. I'll have to look for the good side of the story.

I've learned! I'll start failing more often, holding my head high. Respect.

Starting today I'll even ask gracefully for my new medication, which I know doctors are reluctant to give I'll ask for it , twice if needed. If not, I'll get it with another doctor, I have to sleep.

sounds like you are writing about my life. i am male and 47.

i grew up in a family which avoided change at all costs. they preferred complaining how bad all is but a change of their situation was out of a question cause it could get worse. my family was purely driven by depression and fear.
so i can very good relate to this fear of failing and also for long time i avoided to make changes cause if you don't change something you at least can make no mistake. fun part is that this behaviour is already a very big mistake. also this avoidance of uncomfortable situations was part of my behaviour.

i never was in self help books. i tried to figure out all on myself in the last 20+ years of depression.
after my last low point 2 months ago where i was pretty close to ctb, i registered here, more to get some information about my method but was lucky enough to find connection to two wonderful people here.

since then i realized that some things i can only solve with opening up and get "feedback" and understanding from people i am able to connect. it made it easier to talk even about uncomfortable and fearful things. and the more often i did the easier it got to face this things. i realized long time ago, that it often doesn't help to understand things when you can not change them emotionally. it sometimes made it even worse to understand things but feeling trapped in your "prison of behaviour and emotion". emotional change seems to need repeated experiences to manifest. so this repeated facing uncomfortable and fearful topics and also talking about it helped me already to make it easier.

it's ok to fail and i think i learned more out of failing than not failing. but cause some of this behaviour is so deeply rooted since my early childhood it's a constant battle. don't know if it on the long term gets easier. but now the first time in my life i have the feeling that i am able to handle it better cause i was finally able to open up completely and learned that it's at least ok to be me.
for me it really helped to be open about myself and share it with other people. cause for some things you seem to need a look from the outside cause the inside look seems to always keep something of yourself in the dark you can't really look at.

and even when something is not running as expected and i felt i have failed or just felt low this sharing helped. cause alone the knowledge to know you have not to fight the fight alone anymore makes it easier.

so despite being a loner for over 20 years avoiding people as much as possible i now can just say that it seems to be good to find people you can be open and honest about it. and it also seems that it works even better with people who have similar issues and have to fight similar battles cause the understand easier. i made more progress here in 2 months than in my 1,5 years of therapy 3 years ago which led me to my first serious wish to ctb.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Congrats on taking the steps for self improvement.

I'm two decades older than you, and once you figure some of this stuff out perhaps you can teach me. Don't be too hard on yourself, and don't falsely define what it means to be a man.

With all due respect, your ex sounds somewhat fickle and cavalier with love, based on her going back and settling for another. Seems this might reinforce that you're better off without her.

 

[dandan]

sounds like you are writing about my life. i am male and 47.

i grew up in a family which avoided change at all costs. they preferred complaining how bad all is but a change of their situation was out of a question cause it could get worse. my family was purely driven by depression and fear.
so i can very good relate to this fear of failing and also for long time i avoided to make changes cause if you don't change something you at least can make no mistake. fun part is that this behaviour is already a very big mistake. also this avoidance of uncomfortable situations was part of my behaviour.

i never was in self help books. i tried to figure out all on myself in the last 20+ years of depression.
after my last low point 2 months ago where i was pretty close to ctb, i registered here, more to get some information about my method but was lucky enough to find connection to two wonderful people here.

since then i realized that some things i can only solve with opening up and get "feedback" and understanding from people i am able to connect. it made it easier to talk even about uncomfortable and fearful things. and the more often i did the easier it got to face this things. i realized long time ago, that it often doesn't help to understand things when you can not change them emotionally. it sometimes made it even worse to understand things but feeling trapped in your "prison of behaviour and emotion". emotional change seems to need repeated experiences to manifest. so this repeated facing uncomfortable and fearful topics and also talking about it helped me already to make it easier.

it's ok to fail and i think i learned more out of failing than not failing. but cause some of this behaviour is so deeply rooted since my early childhood it's a constant battle. don't know if it on the long term gets easier. but now the first time in my life i have the feeling that i am able to handle it better cause i was finally able to open up completely and learned that it's at least ok to be me.
for me it really helped to be open about myself and share it with other people. cause for some things you seem to need a look from the outside cause the inside look seems to always keep something of yourself in the dark you can't really look at.

and even when something is not running as expected and i felt i have failed or just felt low this sharing helped. cause alone the knowledge to know you have not to fight the fight alone anymore makes it easier.

so despite being a loner for over 20 years avoiding people as much as possible i now can just say that it seems to be good to find people you can be open and honest about it. and it also seems that it works even better with people who have similar issues and have to fight similar battles cause the understand easier. i made more progress here in 2 months than in my 1,5 years of therapy 3 years ago which led me to my first serious wish to ctb.

Damm, I took a very life daring controversial training years ago, when I was still depressed, had a nasty side, a very ugly side where I was forced into inviting others like an MLM scam, but to be honest , I fucking loved it!! It made me pushed myself so hard... Plus inviting people was really easy they "came in" without me even pushing ... That's why I completed the training , and the lessons learned are invaluable, something like the Lifespring training , or many others Ontology trainings out there, like EST I believe, maybe even the famous Nexus or NVM, OR that bitch about Keith Ranier sex scandal and imprisonment started similarly, but again to be honest , Damm good, wish I had the willingness to go over it again. But I really don't need it, today I need to fail, fail.

I'm required to do , acknowledging failure is temporarily as long as I take and learn from feedback, then I'll get the success, I admit to that.

January 30th is the limit on my goal ton start a youtube channel with my own vision.

Peace man, very glad to read you out any time, any post.

With all due respect, your ex sounds somewhat fickle and cavalier with love, based on her going back and settling for another. Seems this might reinforce that you're better off without her.

If I'm to say the truth, she ain't, she's freaking smart, how can she mate with someone who didn't love himself so for so long. I'm committed to love myself more now. Plus she's still has feelings for me, she only found a man that cares for her and loves her utterly much, she still talks with me , well I planned on stopped looking for her , but I did replied after she messaged me.

I bet she's troubled hahaha
She's into me, but how can she brake with some one who has shown her so much love for the last year, she just can't, she values him a lot even when she she's into me.

And yeah, at the moment I need myself, not a partner. Well I do have a sex partner who likes me very much but we friends with benefits at the moment.