Discussion Fantasies of Being Saved

[Ardesevent]

I've been attempting partial a lot lately, so I definitely still want to die. There's no reason for me to live anymore.
But I still keep thinking that someone somewhere is going to realize what I'm going through, and show up and turn my life around. Sometimes it's not even that, it's someone smiling at me, sitting me down, and telling me the answers to everything. A hero saving me from the brink of suicide.
But it doesn't make any sense. I still want to die, and I know I still want to die. It's all I've ever wanted. I continuously push away people who try to help me, and I never try to seek help.
Am I the only person having fantasies like this? Why do these thoughts exist?

 

[Superdeterminist]

Sometimes I have these kinds of thoughts, and they used to be much more common for me, but over time I've found it increasingly difficult to entertain them, because I play the saviour scenario out in my head, and it quickly falls apart, as I realise that it's ME who has to change. And maybe they could get me to change somehow, we do influence each other after all. But the changes required seem so drastic that it seems absurd to hope for such a thing.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Yes. It's all I'm thinking about lately. I'll know I'm ready, I think, when I have stopped being so foolish. I hope that day comes soon.

 

[icanhasnick]

I don't think it's possible for "an hero" to "realize" and "save me". People do realize, I openly talk about the shittiness of the situation with several friends, but how would they save me ? Once some things are broken, there's no repairing them, have to make anew. There's no going back 5, 10, 15 years in time and reliving everything avoiding the fuckups. That parallel timeline exists in fantasy only, it would not reconcile with reality.

This waiting for an hero is childish magical thinking. The best, last and only candidate for our own personal savior hero is ourselves.

 

[ladolcemorte]

I read somewhere (cannot remember where) that most suicidal people harbour a rescue fantasy of some sort.

I have had such fantasies too. I think it is probably because humans are engineered to survive. It makes sense to wish for a rescue, for some sort of fresh start or "do over".

I read somewhere else (again can't remember where, sorry) that people who jump from a bridge/building and survive report feeling regret as soon as they've made the jump. (Kevin Hines says this in the documentary "the Bridge". There was another survivor of a Golden Gate Bridge jump, whose name I forget, who said something along the lines of "as soon as my hands left the railing, I knew that everything in my life was completely fixable, except for just having jumped").

We tend to think that the "truly" suicidal people do not harbour any wish to live whatsoever, that the desire for death is unequivocal. (Think of that annoying "what has kept you alive so far" question that clinicians always ask ...) But I think it is at least somewhat common for thoughts of death to coexist with thoughts of life.

 

[icanhasnick]

I read somewhere else (again can't remember where, sorry) that people who jump from a bridge/building and survive report feeling regret as soon as they've made the jump. (Kevin Hines says this in the documentary "the Bridge". There was another survivor of a Golden Gate Bridge jump, whose name I forget, who said something along the lines of "as soon as my hands left the railing, I knew that everything in my life was completely fixable, except for just having jumped").

I seriously doubt it. What you read or see in the mainstream propaganda is just mainstream propaganda, where suicide is The Bad and Everyone Regrets. On here we see all the time how people drink the koolaid and don't regret. Well, ocassionally some do, but it's far from the Everyone Regrets that they try to sell us.

As for the fantasies of starting anew, sure there are fantasies of starting anew, but we understand that time only flows one way and won't base our decisions on confounding fantasy with reality. Well, ocassionally some do...

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I've absolutely had these sorts of fantasies before. I still do now on occasion. In reality though, people like me would probably never have it happen to them because society decided that it's more problematic for men to be saved by women than vice versa. I'm not saying they're wrong though, it's just unfortunate for me. The trope is defined here: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ManicPixieDreamGirl

I get why it's wrong though but I can't help it.

 

[PJFord]

Funny you bring this up. As I've been prepping one of my fantasies is that I'll be rescued by a gay, handsome and caring paramedic. He'll grow concerned about me, visit me in the hospital while I recover. We'll chat and fall in love and all will be good. Then I remember my reasons for CTBing and realize a romantic partner, no matter how awesome he is, will not eliminate the reasons.

So, maybe my next life if we come back.

 

[ladolcemorte]

Funny you bring this up. As I've been prepping one of my fantasies is that I'll be rescued by a gay, handsome and caring paramedic. He'll grow concerned about me, visit me in the hospital while I recover. We'll chat and fall in love and all will be good. ❤ Then I remember my reasons for CTBing and realize a romantic partner, no matter how awesome he is, will not eliminate the reasons.

So, maybe my next life if we come back.

That is a really good fantasy!!!! I'm going to borrow it if you don't mind. (Except in mine, the paramedic is a straight man. A tall Irish one named Liam.. with black hair and green eyes. And I don't have MS and can run again, and we run along the water in the rain with his labrador, Colin.)

Even if it were to come true, it wouldn't fix my life either...but no harm in thinking about it. That's why a fantasy is a fantasy...

 

[PJFord]

Ha! I like how you think @ladolcemorte ! I'm 25% Irish — the P in PJFord is Patrick — and I toured Ireland about 15 years ago. Totally fell in love with the country and the people. Was hoping to visit again but, well, my CTBus won't be stopping there, as it were.

 

[ladolcemorte]

Ha! I like how you think @ladolcemorte ! I'm 25% Irish — the P in PJFord is Patrick — and I toured Ireland about 15 years ago. Totally fell in love with the country and the people. Was hoping to visit again but, well, my CTBus won't be stopping there, as it were.

I LOVE the Irish men...that accent!!!! I hardly understand a word, but damn it sounds sexy!