Venting Family falling apart

[bus catcher]

I hate my family with every cell in my body yet i stay alive for only one person. The police may come because my evil sister is acting psychotic. words cannot describe how she has ruined our family. and im about to give up on everything. i have zero idea how i could even take my own life but im at least glad i spoke my mind. she gaslights us, abuses our disabled mom, steals money, never apologizes but expects every apology even from strangers. i have one dream and i dont want to die before achieving it but how much more can i take. how long will i force myself to live just because i dont want to hurt one person (my eldest sister and basically my twin ten years apart) who spent her life caring for this hell hole of a family. I struggle so much with basic self care and if i cannot manage my own life how can i achieve my dream. I always since i was a kid wanted to make my own world full of characters and stories but i have no skills in anything and most of my earlier stuff is gone forever. I want to do so many things like draw, 3d model, make music, code, and create a interactable world for myself but i just want to die and i feel like everything is falling apart both in my life and the world beyond and i just cant get myself to do anything :(. I hate with all my heart this horrific world. The police are here

sorry for the messy post, i just needed to vent.
Police has not come yet. Mom is just yelling about calling them
I keep trying to improve myself but it feels so hopeless given the situation im in but until my family has completely fallen apart i am forced to remain. I will post later my ideas on how i want to die since i have not seen anyone else talk about it