Family and Life Update I guess

[Water-Lily]

So, yesterday I had a family talk with my dad and brother. Mostly about how I am fed up with my brothers abusive behavior and it makes staying at home a pain in the ass. In it, my dad took my side and got angry at my brother. I brought up the decision of reaching out to my school and asking about dorms (single since roomates trigger me). My father was sad I felt I had to make this choice and told me he is ok with it, but is angry at my brother for having made me feel this way. He lashed out at my brother saying that if I end up leaving he will kick him out to his grandmothers. Seeing this blow up shows that there is a lot of unresolved shit (obviously) between everyone and especially between my dad and brother. Not healthy. After that me and my dad went shopping. He told me he is sad that I feel I have to do this and tells me he will pay for a dorm fo rme if needed. But I know that a single dorm will be super expensive. As of today I got confirmation that single dorms are available. Now I need to look into the finances if my dad can even afford that

As for life, I exist. Thats it. I'm really in a shitty situation. While we are hoping on therapy for my brother in February, who knows if he will even change with that. My dad, as loving as he is, is too passive to deal with my brother effectively. In the end, I feel worse for saying how I felt. Seeing my dad so mad scared me. In the end I downplayed most of it as he was getting very worried about me

I don't know how to face my dad when he gets home tonight

I am also dealing with a financial block from my school enabling me to not create any classes (im taking care of that with a counselor) and im waiting ot hear back from the cat cafe

This is all too much for me to handle sometimes. I feel if I died everyone would be better off. I feel like a burden to my family most of all.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Your family dynamic seems so all consuming for you. You really need to figure out how to get away. Once removed, it will be a huge breath of fresh air.

 

[Water-Lily]

Your family dynamic seems so all consuming for you. You really need to figure out how to get away. Once removed, it will be a huge breath of fresh air.

That's valid. At the moment that isn't an option due to lack of money.

 

[Squiddy]

Hopefully everything works out fine in the end :)

 

[Chupacabra 44]

That's valid. At the moment that isn't an option due to lack of money.

I had shitty family dynamics when I was younger, not as bad as yours, but I am able to emphasize. It's hard to understand at the moment, but all this crap will pass for you in time. Cope as best you can; hope dad can swing the expense of the dorm; and, just trust that life will get better once you're finally removed from all the nonsense. Hang in there.

 

[Water-Lily]

I had shitty family dynamics when I was younger, not as bad as yours, but I am able to emphasize. It's hard to understand at the moment, but all this crap will pass for you in time. Cope as best you can; hope dad can swing the expense of the dorm; and, just trust that life will get better once you're finally removed from all the nonsense. Hang in there.

I dont think....I wanted to try. at 23 I will be behind in life and id rather CTB and start over than hope for a good life with a shitty beginning

 

[Chupacabra 44]

I had so much family drama going on at the age of 23. I was living at home with my single mother. We weren't getting along, and my mom told me that I needed to move out in a month. I said fine, but I came home a few days after this discussion, and my mom had changed the locks to the house with a note attached to the door to make an appointment to come and remove my belongings. I was in a horrible spot in between jobs with limited money in the bank. Plus, Christmas was only a few weeks away. Luckily, my GF at the time was Jewish and she was able to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with me, since I wasn't invited home and I was devastated from being locked out of the family home. This forever damaged my relationship with my mother. I never forgave her. Had SN been around back then, I might well have CTBed. But, I'm glad now that I didn't.

When I was 23, I felt I had life figured out, but now that I'm fully seasoned, I realize that I didn't. Hell, when I was 18, I thought I had life figured out.

We don't know what we don't know. Once you get autonomous from your brother, in particular, your mind will be mostly free from all that clutter. Becoming free of all the bull shit from home opens up a whole new world. You might find the whole new world better, or you might find it worse. But, at least you will find it, and it will be different.

 

[Water-Lily]

I had so much family drama going on at the age of 23. I was living at home with my single mother. We weren't getting along, and my mom told me that I needed to move out in a month. I said fine, but I came home a few days after this discussion, and my mom had changed the locks to the house with a note attached to the door to make an appointment to come and remove my belongings. I was in a horrible spot in between jobs with limited money in the bank. Plus, Christmas was only a few weeks away. Luckily, my GF at the time was Jewish and she was able to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with me, since I wasn't invited home and I was devastated from being locked out of the family home. This forever damaged my relationship with my mother. I never forgave her. Had SN been around back then, I might well have CTBed. But, I'm glad now that I didn't.

When I was 23, I felt I had life figured out, but now that I'm fully seasoned, I realize that I didn't. Hell, when I was 18, I thought I had life figured out.

We don't know what we don't know. Once you get autonomous from your brother, in particular, your mind will be mostly free from all that clutter. Becoming free of all the bull shit from home opens up a whole new world. You might find the whole new world better, or you might find it worse. But, at least you will find it, and it will be different.

Maybe its stubbornness but, I disagree.

I'm behind in life compared to other people around me. So I'll never catch up

 

[Chupacabra 44]

I'll leave it with this thought. Life isn't a race; it isn't a competition; and the world is full of late bloomers who achieved miraculous things in the world. Peace.