rail.tracerr
doing the best i can.
- Feb 13, 2023
- 19
I am polyamorous and (for the most part) happily in a relationship with 3 people, my wonderful boyfriend, my partner, and my girlfriend, who I currently live with. My girlfriend is also dating my boyfriend & my partner as well.
My girlfriend has been scaring everyone I talk to about my situation. I am so burnt out and so drained, and I'm afraid I'm falling out of love with her.
She keeps invading my privacy--she's the reason I even only feel safe to vent here, too much snooping in my DMs on Discord, and even the person I vented to in person no longer feels safe talking with me about my problems with her after she interrupted us and eavesdropped on our conversation. She keeps pushing me sexually when I am a sex-repulsed asexual who despises most physical intimacy in that way. She keeps groping me and calling me attractive and complimenting my ass when I have bad anxiety about this idea that I'm only loved for my body. She pushes me to "fix her boredom" when I don't know what to do or how to help, and when I don't have any ideas she blurts out randomly that she wants to ctb and hates herself. And on top of all of this, despite knowing my disability she guilt trips me for "doing nothing" when I am in most cases physically and mentally unable to put that effort she demands into the situation. She makes me feel like she is my parent, monitoring my sleep and scolding me for staying up too late.
I want to move in with my other two partners, but she doesn't want me to because she would get too insecure and paranoid. But she doesn't want to move until she finishes college, which she hasn't even started yet.
She told someone else that I wanted to date that she would only let us date if they also dated her...which is just wrong, they view her as a sister more than anything.
I'm losing my touch with her. She is exhausting me and I am running out of hope. I broke my two year self harm clean streak because of a fight we had. And now all she wants to do is smoke weed and get high in her off time, and refuses to listen to me when I beg her to be careful, despite knowing I have severe anxiety. I'm afraid the love isn't there anymore. Not enough for this hell cycle of honeymoon phases and then suffering to be worth it.
After telling my boyfriend, he has told me that the apartment would be open for me, but I feel so trapped regardless. If I am falling out of love, what do I do? It's been six years since she and I began dating. I live in her family's house. I don't have anything of my own--no money, no job, no license, and no way out. I'm so scared and so lost. It makes me want to die just to get out of this mess, but I know that's not an option I can physically take without immense pain for myself and for my partners.
I just want out. I need help. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do.
My girlfriend has been scaring everyone I talk to about my situation. I am so burnt out and so drained, and I'm afraid I'm falling out of love with her.
She keeps invading my privacy--she's the reason I even only feel safe to vent here, too much snooping in my DMs on Discord, and even the person I vented to in person no longer feels safe talking with me about my problems with her after she interrupted us and eavesdropped on our conversation. She keeps pushing me sexually when I am a sex-repulsed asexual who despises most physical intimacy in that way. She keeps groping me and calling me attractive and complimenting my ass when I have bad anxiety about this idea that I'm only loved for my body. She pushes me to "fix her boredom" when I don't know what to do or how to help, and when I don't have any ideas she blurts out randomly that she wants to ctb and hates herself. And on top of all of this, despite knowing my disability she guilt trips me for "doing nothing" when I am in most cases physically and mentally unable to put that effort she demands into the situation. She makes me feel like she is my parent, monitoring my sleep and scolding me for staying up too late.
I want to move in with my other two partners, but she doesn't want me to because she would get too insecure and paranoid. But she doesn't want to move until she finishes college, which she hasn't even started yet.
She told someone else that I wanted to date that she would only let us date if they also dated her...which is just wrong, they view her as a sister more than anything.
I'm losing my touch with her. She is exhausting me and I am running out of hope. I broke my two year self harm clean streak because of a fight we had. And now all she wants to do is smoke weed and get high in her off time, and refuses to listen to me when I beg her to be careful, despite knowing I have severe anxiety. I'm afraid the love isn't there anymore. Not enough for this hell cycle of honeymoon phases and then suffering to be worth it.
After telling my boyfriend, he has told me that the apartment would be open for me, but I feel so trapped regardless. If I am falling out of love, what do I do? It's been six years since she and I began dating. I live in her family's house. I don't have anything of my own--no money, no job, no license, and no way out. I'm so scared and so lost. It makes me want to die just to get out of this mess, but I know that's not an option I can physically take without immense pain for myself and for my partners.
I just want out. I need help. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do.