Failure

[Geengezondementalit]

I am the biggest failure

I'm 27 already. I live with my parents. I waited until they went to China (I'm a Belgian of Chinese descent) so I could jump off a bridge into the water. I can't swim.
I haven't been out of the house for months. I used to have a lot of friends, like even 2 years ago I was really sociable.

I just didn't dare to jump into the black. Last time I stood there was 5 months ago, I also didn't dare to jump. Since then, I went to China from October to December with my parents, I stood on the ledge of the 18th floor like 7 times but didn't dare to jump.

I am so so disappointed that even if my life sucks and I want to die everyday, I just don't dare to jump.

I am willing to say goodbye to everything, to let go of everything but the jumping scares me. Help please help

 

[huphup]

I just want to say I relate a lot. A year and a half ago was the best time of my life.

Now I do not even recognize myself at all. I also am in my 20s, not working, living with my parents. just stay inside all day and do nothing I get it...

I feel it is so unfair to see the world around us funciotning and being ok with everything.

good luck wherever life takes you

 

[LossOfMe]

Hey there, just wanna say you're not alone on that one.

Our brains are really f*cked up for still trying to keep us around despite all suffering and loneliness. It's ironic how it ignores logic at times like these.

Still, I wish fate will take you to wherever it's the best for youーbe it CTB or not.

 

[bcl001]

You're not alone my friend. Last night I tried to hang myself and yet couldn't overcome the discomfort. My whole life is discomfort and yet that was all it took to stop me.

I'm sorry we're like this friend

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry u have to go through this. You're not a failure! Jumping is too difficult and drowning is very unpleasant. SI will be so hard to overcome. There is a Suicide Resource Compilation with way better better methods being discussed there.

May I ask what happened that your life turned miserable in the past years? Is there nothing that can be fixed or changed?

 

[rozeske]

Don't be hard on yourself, survival instinct is not something to be underestimated especially with methods like jumping. You are not alone, most of us here are fighting the same fight.

 

[FuneralCry]

Jumping sounds like a terrifying method to me, I find it so cruel and hellish how people even have to resort to methods like that in the first place and cannot just die painlessly in peace whenever they wish to. But anyway I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering, we really shouldn't have to struggle so much to die.

 

[mortuarymary]

You're not quite ready yet. Plus SI can be a shitty thing.

 

[matt1968]

Sending you my best - it wasn't long ago that life felt reasonably ok for me too.

 

[Geengezondementalit]

Thank you so much for the replies and kind words. Thank you thank you thank you

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry u have to go through this. You're not a failure! Jumping is too difficult and drowning is very unpleasant. SI will be so hard to overcome. There is a Suicide Resource Compilation with way better better methods being discussed there.

May I ask what happened that your life turned miserable in the past years? Is there nothing that can be fixed or changed?

I think turning 27 and being in a worse state than when I was 23-24 and even then I considered myself miserable. Back then I still lived with friends in a house and attempted to just get job.

Also I think because of failed treatment in psychiatric facilities. I would say 7 months ago I just gave up on everything and locked myself up to go on the internet. Ignoring all my friends, who have normal lives.
It's painful this self-inflicted misery

 

[drownll]

Same for jumping the SI is just too strong in that situation
I'm planning to do partial, it doesn't trigger SI nearly as much as jumping
The problem is i don't know how to partial, i live with my mom like you and I am not often alone at home, and i don't want my mom to see my dead body inside her house