Don't really know why I'm posting this, but I guess that I don't have anyone else who I can talk at about this, and thus, rant incoming. So, I can pretty easily tell that I'm going to fail this last year of university. I never had any real interest in the field I'm studying, or in anything else, really. I just kinda did this so that my parents wouldn't hate me for being useless, and so that I could go a few more years without working. The previous times I had a job it just filled me with dread and I would rather be dead than return to that. Just like last time that I flunked out of university, I can just feel the despair start to seep in. I don't have the energy to do anything and my group members this semester are just useless, so I've had to force myself to get our work done. I have an assignment due next friday that I just know we are going to do horribly at, and It's gonna be the same group for the next set of assignments that will be similar in structure.
I wish I was smarter and more competent, because being a self-aware moron is just so miserable. I guess I'm just running out of time, after using university to stall for four years. I'm already 25 with basically no working experience, so my life is pretty much over anyways, but I had hoped to make what would probably be my last year relatively peaceful. I never really had a future. But now I'm filled with despair and terror instead. My chest feels heavy and I feel like I'm going to vomit and cry all the time, but it never happens. I can barely get to sleep. When I wake in the morning I can barely bring myself to get out of bed. I wish that someone could just take care of my material needs so that I could just rot away quietly until I'm ready to go, but it seems that I might have to die sooner than expected. I haven't even found a good method yet. Everything is so strictly regulated here. I wish I had been born in the US or something so that I could at least get ahold of a gun. I feel like my only options are all unreliable and painful. The world is a dark and terrible place. It's just all so unfair.
I wish I was smarter and more competent, because being a self-aware moron is just so miserable. I guess I'm just running out of time, after using university to stall for four years. I'm already 25 with basically no working experience, so my life is pretty much over anyways, but I had hoped to make what would probably be my last year relatively peaceful. I never really had a future. But now I'm filled with despair and terror instead. My chest feels heavy and I feel like I'm going to vomit and cry all the time, but it never happens. I can barely get to sleep. When I wake in the morning I can barely bring myself to get out of bed. I wish that someone could just take care of my material needs so that I could just rot away quietly until I'm ready to go, but it seems that I might have to die sooner than expected. I haven't even found a good method yet. Everything is so strictly regulated here. I wish I had been born in the US or something so that I could at least get ahold of a gun. I feel like my only options are all unreliable and painful. The world is a dark and terrible place. It's just all so unfair.
