Failed CTB Life Update

[LingeringUnreal]

Hey there, all. It's been a minute. Cw for discussion of failed suicide, though I guess the title makes that obvious.

To have a short recap: I planned to CTB via SN in late February. I ordered 100mg of SN and split 25mg into one water bottle and another 25mg in a different water bottle as assurance. Put on my playlist, had fasted for 2 days - but can you believe this bitch totally forgot any sort of antiemetic? I puked so fucking much after like 2 sips and I guess I panicked and just tossed everything as soon as I stopped being in agony long enough, including my remaining SN.

Well, I didn't go to the hospital or anything. After taking some sleeping meds and nervously laying down, I didn't notice many negative effects the next day. Except for missing SN, which I'm still kicking myself over. And that's pretty much that. Will I try again? Maybe, but less stupidly next time. Please remember the antiemetic, it's critical to the method.

Not sure how much I'll continue updating here, but wanted to let you all know about this little misadventure.

E: also i cant remember if its mg or just grams, it was a hefty amount so i might have had Too Much starting out.

 

[Circles]

Yeah it's supposed to be 25 grams (g) instead of milligram (mg) in 50 mL of water. Or maybe since you put it in a water bottle the amount of water diluted it cause it was too much water. Either way sorry for what happened. Hope things become tolerable in the meantime.

 

[sadpinky]

1) im sorry you this happened to you this way
2) anything you'd care to share on symptoms and pain level?

hope you find your peace

 

[LingeringUnreal]

Yeah it's supposed to be 25 grams (g) instead of milligram (mg) in 50 mL of water. Or maybe since you put it in a water bottle the amount of water diluted it cause it was too much water. Either way sorry for what happened. Hope things become tolerable in the meantime.

Ahhh in that case I was correct, it was 100g looking back at the pictures of the packaging, drawn into rough fourths (so 25 g each). Dose was right, method was off.

1) im sorry you this happened to you this way
2) anything you'd care to share on symptoms and pain level?

hope you find your peace

Honestly it was more like shock initially, not really pain. My throat really burned from the vomiting & my heart rate spiked, but the physical pain wasn't actually that bad. SI can factor in, I think - but it's mostly just discomfort, stomach pain, & adrenaline from what I experienced.

 

[LingeringUnreal]

Just a quick bump to clarify some stuff from my OP:

-It was 25g per bottle from a 100g packet, not mg, my apologies.
-I shared previously here that I had worries about the method working because I throw up really easily when I'm anxious. Forgetting the antiemetic on top of that was definitely the reason I started puking after only a sip or two.
-I had barely touched the bottle at all, so definitely not a lethal dose.
-I won't go into detail on sourcing here but it was from Amazon, and was legit despite the sus packaging and shipping.


And finally:
-I will probably attempt a CTB again but I'm not sure I want to try the SN method again even with antiemetic because I think my body just reacts way too strongly to it lol. I haven't decided what to replace it with yet. Things have not improved in my life or with my health so I'm taking my time to make sure I find what works for me.

 

[Seiba]

Yeah, not eating, not drinking acidic drinks/soda and then taking the proper medication is needed. Even then vomit can occur it's just less likely. It likely doesn't make you feel better, but I understand. I ironically tried to order sodium nitrite on same site but it was a family shared account so it gave an email that alerted household about a substance that could be used for "bombs", curing meat, forget the other shit. Yes, it was nitrite and not nitrate. If I had access to the email I could have likely made a lie so it could have a reason to ship, they just wanted to know what it was for. I think two sips is likely more so anxiety as you guessed more so than sodium nitrite itself. It's possibly co-linked, but who knows. There's no shame in a less than ideal attempt. It's good to hear that you haven't had any long term problems or pain from what happened.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you went through a failed attempt. I can imagine that it must have been really horrible having to experience that. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Yagami]

I've never read or researched much about SN before because I knew from the get-go that it was not a method for me in every aspect. Earlier today I was reading a few posts and I saw someone comment saying "SN is the gold standard" and all I could think is 'huh?' and 'for who?' because it is far from my gold standard. Anyway, so I became curious.. I was thinking about how so many people on this forum become fixated on this method but in all honesty I didn't know any facts about dosage and reliability because I just never cared to research it. So I did some research today and found 3 studies published within the last two years which all come to the conclusion that intentional ingestion of SN had a 40% mortality rate. Which surprised me because so many people act like it's the next best thing after a gun. Not to mention how many people have posted about their experiences with puking and feeling super unwell..

Can you link those studies?

 

[Yagami]

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/24734306.2021.1972691

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33787434/

https://med.virginia.edu/toxicology/wp-content/uploads/sites/268/2021/05/May21-Sodium-nitrite.pdf

There are other studies, too.. I went on a deep dive searching so I can't find them all. Some say 40%, others say as low as 30% but I wanted to be fair so I wrote the higher figure in my post

I skimmed the first two. When you say there's a 40% mortality rate you left out that in both of those studies around 80% of patients were treated with methlyene blue. By leaving that out I thought you meant the mortality rate without intervention.

 

[lastlife_]

I skimmed the first two. When you say there's a 40% mortality rate you left out that in both of those studies around 80% of patients were treated with methlyene blue. By leaving that out I thought you meant the mortality rate without intervention.

Oh my bad! I must've skimmed over that!! Just deleted my comment because I don't want misinformation

 

[cringelord111]

you fasted for 2 days,, maybe thats why you failed.

 

[Stormboxer]

I've heard it works even without antiemetic. That's what I'm going to try anyway. If I puke I'll just keep trying I guess. Going out and getting prescriptions and shit isn't an option. It was hard enough getting the SN :( Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[Idontmatter]

Thank you for sharing. I won't be able to have all the meds that I'll need so hopefully it will work as long as I do the correct doseage and have a backup glass. Failing for me isn't an option.