Venting Failed attempts

[DarknessInMe]

Every day feels like something in me breaks a bit more. I was hospitalized at the end of March involuntarily due to several failed attempts to hang myself.
I thought this would finally end the suffering I'm experiencing for over two years now, but obviously I'm still alive.
While I actually felt better for some weeks after I got released from the hospital, everything feels as it was before now.
I urge to end it, I just can't stand this anymore. But I am afraid it won't work this time either.
Before I attempted hanging myself, I read through the whole hanging megathread. I thought I was well prepared, but trying partial suspension, I first noticed some kind of extreme pressure in my head and as I felt dizzy and thought I'd become unconsciousness, my SI kicked in. Can someone please help me how to hang myself properly? I don't mind any kind of pain, I just want to minimize the SI that led to my attempts failing the last time.

 

[Horrors Lazuli]

• Where did you do it?
• How were you found?
• Who found you?
• How did you come to be hospitalized?

 

[FuneralCry]

Failing ctb is exactly what I fear, I hate how it's not easier to finally leave and it certainly makes the hanging method sound easier when you hear of people managing to succeed with it, I envy them a lot. But anyway it sounds like such an awful experience going through the failed attempt, I hope you eventually find the freedom you wish for.

 

[Aisley]

I'm beginning to think partial is a cruel pipe dream, and the best way is full. A lot of people have been crushed by the disappointment of it not working.

 

[DarknessInMe]

• Where did you do it?
• How were you found?
• Who found you?
• How did you come to be hospitalized?

I'm still living with my parents and since they came home earlier than I expected, they found me in my room and called the ambulance. I then was hospitalised after they had checked that I didn't injure myself by attempting and stayed there for six weeks. As soon as they trusted me there enough to hand me out my phone and my charging cable, I tried it again but this time I didn't even become unconsciousness.

 

[Horrors Lazuli]

I'm beginning to think partial is a cruel pipe dream, and the best way is full. A lot of people have been crushed by the disappointment of it not working.

I got the opposite idea from all this: I could try to do this in my closet. I live with roommates who don't really know me and don't even notice when I come and go. Maybe it could work for me.

 

[DarknessInMe]

Failing ctb is exactly what I fear, I hate how it's not easier to finally leave and it certainly makes the hanging method sound easier when you hear of people managing to succeed with it, I envy them a lot. But anyway it sounds like such an awful experience going through the failed attempt, I hope you eventually find the freedom you wish for.

Thank you so much for your message, I can very much relate to that.

I'm beginning to think partial is a cruel pipe dream, and the best way is full. A lot of people have been crushed by the disappointment of it not working.

It actually seems to be that way. I'm devastated about how wrong this is probably depicted.

 

[Horrors Lazuli]

I'm still living with my parents and since they came home earlier than I expected, they found me in my room and called the ambulance. I then was hospitalised after they had checked that I didn't injure myself by attempting and stayed there for six weeks. As soon as they trusted me there enough to hand me out my phone and my charging cable, I tried it again but this time I didn't even become unconsciousness.

I'm sorry you had to go through this. Based on your spelling of "hospitalised" I wanted to ask if you might be living in Canada, the UK, or another Commonwealth nation. How long to they keep people in the hospital for suicide attempts where you live?

 

[Why Me?]

How did you do it? Where did you place the rope on your neck?

 

[DarknessInMe]

I'm sorry you had to go through this. Based on your spelling of "hospitalised" I wanted to ask if you might be living in Canada, the UK, or another Commonwealth nation. How long to they keep people in the hospital for suicide attempts where you live?

I'm living in Germany, but we learn British in school, therefore I am used to using "s" instead of "z". As far as I know, the time they keep people in the hospital for suicide attempts differs drastically depending on the usage of the law. There are two different laws being used for people hospitalised involuntarily: One enables the psychiatric ward to keep you there for only a maximum of 48 h (this is mainly for people being a danger for others and not for themselves), another (this was the one the doctor there used) enables them to keep you there for six weeks but can even be extended by handing in another report. The psychiatrist there said to me if I'd try it again and failed, it is likely that they will keep me there for a whole year involuntarily.

How did you do it? Where did you place the rope on your neck?

The rope is about 78.74 inch long an 0.98 inch thick. According to my research, this was enough to hold my weight (around 100 pounds). I first attached the rope to a hook by using a "snuggle hitch" knot and then positioned the noose (made with a slip knot) around my neck right under my Adam's apple with the knot being at the upper part in the middle of the back of the neck. I then started pushing me into the noose. My feet still touched the ground slightly due to the lower height of the hook.

 

[Aisley]

I got the opposite idea from all this: I could try to do this in my closet. I live with roommates who don't really know me and don't even notice when I come and go. Maybe it could work for me.

if it's in a closet, your seizure will make noise. The kind of noise people will investigate, no matter how uninvested in you they are. But I hope it works for you.

It actually seems to be that way. I'm devastated about how wrong this is probably depicted.

The gradualness and control of it is both attractive and everything SI needs to botch it. With full, there's nothing we can do once tension is reached, however that happens. I'm sorry it's so hard. I'm quite used to failure (not with this, but with everything) and so I'll be using charcoal, entirely ready for more than one attempt, entirely expecting to fail at least once. Good luck.