meowtistic
yearning for eternal sleep
- Apr 10, 2023
- 21
I recently tried to OD on a stockpile of my prescriptions, this was obviously not a good idea. Did it out of impulse and my roommate found me on the bathroom floor fading in and out of consciousness. (and bleeding from prior sh) An ambulance was called and they supported me through Ivs and other equipment. I ended up throwing up on my own about 3 times VERY violently, i was fasting that day, so only the drink and pills came up, in this black goo looking mixture (assuming my liver was trying to shutdown)
those were the meds i had tried to OD on. The doctor said i should be dead. And that had me thinking about this site again. While this was a VERY impulsive attempt to ctb, I still, in all my 3 years of being on this site, don't imagine a future where i don't ctb. I've sourced SN and now it's just a matter of buying it and hopefully it not getting seized in customs. I hate myself for putting my girlfriend through this, but I really don't want to be alone when I die. I wonder if she'll let me call her when it is time. Or if she'll be so upset with me or try to get me medical help. But all i've ever wanted was to feel myself slip away when talking to the people i love. Life isn't fair and i don't want it to take away that ending for me.
I don't know when i'll do it but it's inevitable. Tomorrow or 10 years from now. My brain is fucked and there's no light at the end of my tunnel.
those were the meds i had tried to OD on. The doctor said i should be dead. And that had me thinking about this site again. While this was a VERY impulsive attempt to ctb, I still, in all my 3 years of being on this site, don't imagine a future where i don't ctb. I've sourced SN and now it's just a matter of buying it and hopefully it not getting seized in customs. I hate myself for putting my girlfriend through this, but I really don't want to be alone when I die. I wonder if she'll let me call her when it is time. Or if she'll be so upset with me or try to get me medical help. But all i've ever wanted was to feel myself slip away when talking to the people i love. Life isn't fair and i don't want it to take away that ending for me.I don't know when i'll do it but it's inevitable. Tomorrow or 10 years from now. My brain is fucked and there's no light at the end of my tunnel.
