Failed Attempt

[KMS74381996]

So I went 12 days without food and 2 days without fluids. I wanted to speed the process up so I decided to take a large quantity of Benadryl to dehydrate myself. The first time I took 10 then I took 20 more and then I took 50 more. All within a 24 hr period. I was found in my car and they had to smash the window out to get me out. I had a seizure. I don't remember having the seizure just remember right before throwing up and coming to with my clothes cut off and in restraints in a hospital bed. They had to catheterize me and I fought them while I was having a seizure so they restrained me to the bed. I have no recollection of this. I spent 2 nights in the ICU. I had to receive two blood thinners injections, Ativan, 5 bags of fluid because I was dehydrated, and medicine to help my heart not stop. I had multiple IVs and multiple blood draws. I had to wear compression leg cuffs to ensure I didn't get a blood clot. After being in the ICU I was court ordered on a 72 hr hold for the inpatient unit. I did not want to go. Because they broke my car window that gave them the right to seize and search my car where they found marijuana and a grinder. So when I got my car back there was a search warrant in there detailing what they found. I found out it will be 4-6 weeks before I know if I'm being charged or not. Just another thing to add on. I feel like crashing my car into a fucking ditch. I fucking hate that I'm a fuck up. I literally mess up everything I touch. I don't think I was meant for this life. I don't want to live any longer. Need suggestions on methods. No pills. They don't work and the side effects suck.

 

[not_a_robot]

Try choosing a reliable method next time.

 

[Ruffian]

I am so so so sorry to hear about this. I've been through similar, ending up in a straitjacket and on a 72 hour hold. Had to go to court and everything. If it's your first offense for a drug charge try not to worry too much. You weren't driving, you were obviously suicidal, and hopefully you just had enough for a personal amount of weed. You'll likely be sentenced to a drug court of some kind where you have to act all upset and remorseful about smoking weed. You'll be piss tested and when you complete the program successfully it should be expunged from your record. But yeah, I'm going through similar problems again. If you want to PM me about the legal stuff you can. If you're in the states. There's a lot of other methods on here, if you could do 12 days without food and then 2 without fluids you can find something more suitable. I can relate so much to that horrible feeling of coming to in a hospital with tubes everywhere and the pain when they take them out, the nurses treating you like shit, the doctors shaming you. Yeah, it's awful, especially since it sounds like you were close. Again, I feel a lot of compassion and just really bad for you all around.

Edit: I also wanted to mention that every single time the police came when I was in a mental health crisis, they were extremely nice, so they may take pity on you. They have training on dealing with people in crisis, and I swear sometimes they talk to you more decently than the mental health assholes who end up evaluating you. They had to transport me twice and both times let me wear the cuffs in the front and put a jacket over them. It doesn't seem like that a big a deal, but it is a courtesy. I had another experience that I don't feel like talking about, but it was related to mental health and they were just really concerned and made sure I got the help I needed. That is just a really long story.

 

[KMS74381996]

I am so so so sorry to hear about this. I've been through similar, ending up in a straitjacket and on a 72 hour hold. Had to go to court and everything. If it's your first offense for a drug charge try not to worry too much. You weren't driving, you were obviously suicidal, and hopefully you just had enough for a personal amount of weed. You'll likely be sentenced to a drug court of some kind where you have to act all upset and remorseful about smoking weed. You'll be piss tested and when you complete the program successfully it should be expunged from your record. But yeah, I'm going through similar problems again. If you want to PM me about the legal stuff you can. If you're in the states. There's a lot of other methods on here, if you could do 12 days without food and then 2 without fluids you can find something more suitable. I can relate so much to that horrible feeling of coming to in a hospital with tubes everywhere and the pain when they take them out, the nurses treating you like shit, the doctors shaming you. Yeah, it's awful, especially since it sounds like you were close. Again, I feel a lot of compassion and just really bad for you all around.

Thank you. I am in the states. I live in Indiana. I've got to come up with something better because I was so close but I can't do that again it takes to much time. Yeah everyone acts like I'm a bad person and treats me as such and they treat me like I can't take care of myself. I just want to live in a state where euthanasia is legal. I feel like major shit. I don't know how much longer I can take it

 

[Ruffian]

I don't know anything about euthanasia in the states, I just know they wouldn't accept me. That's how I got interested in Exit, and ultimately this site. I forget how I landed here, but I had discovered Lost All Hope and alt.suicide.holiday before this. The latter was a really good read, I'm not sure if the link is on this site, but I'm betting it is. I have it saved in my email.

 

[KMS74381996]

I don't know anything about euthanasia in the states, I just know they wouldn't accept me. That's how I got interested in Exit, and ultimately this site. I forget how I landed here, but I had discovered Lost All Hope and alt.suicide.holiday before this. The latter was a really good read, I'm not sure if the link is on this site, but I'm betting it is. I have it saved in my email.

I'm sorry that you couldn't get approved. I wish we really had a say in our own lives. It should be up to us if we want to live or die. I am so tired of being held down by the mental health system.

 

[kuddelmuddel23]

I fucking hate that I'm a fuck up. I literally mess up everything I touch. I don't think I was meant for this life. I don't want to live any longer. Need suggestions on methods. No pills. They don't work and the side effects suck.

First of all, I'd like to make one thing clear, you're not fuck up. It's not because of you, but because of the method you tried. This is just incredibly difficult to accomplish and the chance to fail is very high.

I am really sorry that you find yourself in this situation and I hope that things will get better for you. But if you are really sure that you want ctb then you should concentrate on finding a suitable method that is right for you.

The simplest and best method would probably be N for you. Since you live in the USA, the chances are very high that you can order N successfully. Also the Anti emetics are relatively easy to obtain. The only disadvantage is of course the high costs, but if this is not a problem for you, then maybe it would be something for you?

But it is not so easy to help you if you don't have any information about your current situation. If you don't want to share it publicly, you can send me a PM! I hope I can help you.

 

[jake3d]

You obviously had a lot of nerve doing this. I can't stay without fluids for more than a couple hours lol. If N is too expensive for you, the SN method should be a piece of cake compared to what you tried to do.

 

[not_a_robot]

Thank you. I am in the states. I live in Indiana. I've got to come up with something better because I was so close but I can't do that again it takes to much time. Yeah everyone acts like I'm a bad person and treats me as such and they treat me like I can't take care of myself. I just want to live in a state where euthanasia is legal. I feel like major shit. I don't know how much longer I can take it

Assisted suicide will be rejected for mental illness but I had a plan to just blow out my liver with acetaminophen. It can be very tough to complete that way, but I figure if I just get as far as liver failure, that condition qualifies for "compassionate" release. My liver showed no serious damage after two massive tylenol od's though. I was extremely healthy to begin with aside from being kinda fat. All liver test showed completely normal within days of second attempt. Doctor couldn't figure out why I was so mad.