failed attempt

[rustacean]

Hi everyone, sorry for the delay in posting updates.
as I said in my last post I was going to try to hang myself as soon as I got home, that's what I did, in total desperation I used the curtain as a rope, and it ended up breaking its support thus failing my attempt, right after that I I took 2 clonazepam pills and just woke up now.

 

[soft-flower345]

I'm sorry it didn't work out how are you feeling now?

 

[USER80709]

Really the curtain is not a good alternative, of course it depends on many factors. You're lucky to take two pills and you've already fainted, I'd have to take a lot more for that to happen.

 

[voc_89]

the next day after an attempt is surreal. Its alot of... what am I still doing here.... running through your mind mixed with pain, hate, sadness... just a tirade of feelings... thank you for sharing this information with us.

 

[rustacean]

I'm sorry it didn't work out how are you feeling now?

I'm sad, more than I was before, because the girl I love doesn't look me in the face anymore, my clonazepam pills are over and I'm not even good enough to kill myself. and I'm taking it all out by self harm and crying alone in my room while I think of the times she and I live and could live

 

[soft-flower345]

I'm so sorry, that's such a painful place to be in emotionally. It sounds like your attempt was made in desperation and desperation usually leaves you with a bunch of variables out of your control that can cause your attempt to fail(eg: your curtains support not holding up) you don't need to blame and beat yourself up over that. Though I can totally understand why you would, I've been in a similar situation before and berated myself the same way you're doing right now. You're smarter than you think and you deserve to treat yourself with some kindness given your circumstance if you're willing. There's an abundance of info on this site that you can use to prevent uncontrolled variables from causing your attempt to fail again if you wish to use them

the next day after an attempt is surreal. Its alot of... what am I still doing here.... running through your mind mixed with pain, hate, sadness... just a tirade of feelings... thank you for sharing this information with us.

Surreal really is the best way to describe that feeling. To me it felt like being in a limbo state where I neither really felt dead or alive, because in those moments after regaining consciousness I could choose to just attempt again immediately and capitalize on all the prep work I did up to that point. To me I felt sorta weightless but in a disconcerting manner.

 

[voc_89]

I'm sad, more than I was before, because the girl I love doesn't look me in the face anymore, my clonazepam pills are over and I'm not even good enough to kill myself. and I'm taking it all out by self harm and crying alone in my room while I think of the times she and I live and could live

I truly am sorry to hear this. Please don't beat yourself up. U seem like a nice person. Who only wanted to love and be loved. As is everyones right. Unfortunately thats not how it goes sometimes. Letting it all out though will help you decide what makes the best sense next. Feel free to vent all u like in the meanwhile

 

[ItsMeBlank]

Better luck next time. Failing to ctb really hurts.

 

[voc_89]

Surreal really is the best way to describe that feeling. To me it felt like being in a limbo state where I neither really felt dead or alive, because in those moments after regaining consciousness I could choose to just attempt again immediately and capitalize on all the prep work I did up to that point. To me I felt sorta weightless but in a disconcerting manner.

Ikr. Personally, when I regained consciousness, I felt like whats the point of trying again. The moment left. It takes alot of determination to try and the adrenaline/dopamine was gone. And my loved ones eyes were on me as they acted like they knew (they said they couldn't take losing another family member.... sigh). That was last year. It sounds like since your attempt u are going through the motions. I think thats how it usually is. I'm just taking things one day at the time. Hoping that, with the right effort, things work themselves out. I hope the same holds with you. That is, things will work themselves out (allowing you to reach a stage of contentment... I say this as, I think its about living with these problems rather than trying to fix it... idk if that was ever a possibility... medical practitioners and loved ones however made us believe so... indirectly amplyfing our negative responses to setbacks/bad developments as we believed that we were partially to blame as we refused to allow ourselves to get fixed).

 

[FuneralCry]

Failing a ctb attempt sounds so horrible and is exactly what I fear, it really should be easier to finally leave this dreadful existence.

 

[Worndown]

I am sorry you failed.
All methods need some planning. The spontaneous attempts that succeed have some luck on their side.
How are you today?

 

[jonward55]

Failing a ctb attempt sounds so horrible and is exactly what I fear, it really should be easier to finally leave this dreadful existence.

Just wondered if you had a method @FuneralCry ? You seem to comment on every single post about this "dreadful existence" but wondered if you had plans.

 

[FuneralCry]

Just wondered if you had a method @FuneralCry ? You seem to comment on every single post about this "dreadful existence" but wondered if you had plans.

The unfortunate reality is that suicide really is so unnecessarily difficult in this world, which is something that you must understand as didn't you post that you have no methods other than a plastic bag to try and ctb with. I think that if there were straightforward methods that were accessible, reliable and somewhat peaceful I wouldn't be here on this site. And if I tried to attempt something like hanging I would just fear it failing and leading to more suffering.