Story failed attempt

[bbye111]

hey.. i attempted last january 4 by hanging... i just wanna vent. it was perfect guys. i hit the "sweet spot". everything was right, the preparation... i did it right, it was all finally set. after all the research and looking for possible methods i could realistically do. after considering all the factors and external risks (getting caught, rope breaking, etc.) the timing was perfect, after researching and experimenting for months when could i possibly do it considering the number of people at home... it was the closest to perfect from all the attempts and experiments ive tried. highest success rate. i was already hanging, close to unconsciousness, i felt my self submerging to unconsciousness, my face felt like it was about to burst but im close to passing out anyway. but i stopped. i fucking discontinued. i was consumed by anxiety, "what if i get caught." "what if they suddenly come home early, then id get hospitalized" i thought about how theyd look at me, and how theyd perceive me afterwards. how life would be more hellish when i recover. so i stopped and fixed everything right away. i sat anxiously waiting for them... only to realize it was 3 hours already. i couldve been dead. i couldve succeeded already. i couldve been in peace. fuck. when the realization hit me. i just sat in my room dumb founded. shaky. i felt the damages ive inflicted on myself for the past months of preparation, including this attempt. i was lightheaded, neck hurted, somehow my head was twitchy. physically... i know i fucked myself already. and some could be irreversible damage already. i felt so empty. just staring at my wall. i couldve died right then and there. but i was consumed by fright. if only. i kicked the chair to leave me no choice. if only. ill be continuing my life with these injuries already. i want to die before january 9. school will start... i dont want to continue life anymore. this... this attempt left such a big scar on me. i couldve died already:(. i just sat in my room, the quietness in my head after the severe anxiety i felt while waiting was torturing. i thought of nothing. it was just empty. i couldnt even dare to move. i looked at myself in the mirror. it was just an empty shell... after that they came home an hour later, i helped carrying stuff from the car. no one knew what happened. and i was just awfully silent and empty minded. after recovering abit all i thought of and wanted to do is to make another plan, painfully hoped for another chance.. but you know... im just. so tired already. it pains me alot... i couldve died already. i shouldve:(. thats all... thank you for reading:(

hey.. i attempted last january 4 by hanging... i just wanna vent. it was perfect guys. i hit the "sweet spot". everything was right, the preparation... i did it right, it was all finally set. after all the research and looking for possible methods i could realistically do. after considering all the factors and external risks (getting caught, rope breaking, etc.) the timing was perfect, after researching and experimenting for months when could i possibly do it considering the number of people at home... it was the closest to perfect from all the attempts and experiments ive tried. highest success rate. i was already hanging, close to unconsciousness, i felt my self submerging to unconsciousness, my face felt like it was about to burst but im close to passing out anyway. but i stopped. i fucking discontinued. i was consumed by anxiety, "what if i get caught." "what if they suddenly come home early, then id get hospitalized" i thought about how theyd look at me, and how theyd perceive me afterwards. how life would be more hellish when i recover. so i stopped and fixed everything right away. i sat anxiously waiting for them... only to realize it was 3 hours already. i couldve been dead. i couldve succeeded already. i couldve been in peace. fuck. when the realization hit me. i just sat in my room dumb founded. shaky. i felt the damages ive inflicted on myself for the past months of preparation, including this attempt. i was lightheaded, neck hurted, somehow my head was twitchy. physically... i know i fucked myself already. and some could be irreversible damage already. i felt so empty. just staring at my wall. i couldve died right then and there. but i was consumed by fright. if only. i kicked the chair to leave me no choice. if only. ill be continuing my life with these injuries already. i want to die before january 9. school will start... i dont want to continue life anymore. this... this attempt left such a big scar on me. i couldve died already:(. i just sat in my room, the quietness in my head after the severe anxiety i felt while waiting was torturing. i thought of nothing. it was just empty. i couldnt even dare to move. i looked at myself in the mirror. it was just an empty shell... after that they came home an hour later, i helped carrying stuff from the car. no one knew what happened. and i was just awfully silent and empty minded. after recovering abit all i thought of and wanted to do is to make another plan, painfully hoped for another chance.. but you know... im just. so tired already. it pains me alot... i couldve died already. i shouldve:(. thats all... thank you for reading:(

haha my phone's charger got lost within the 2 days. i felt so much pain that i couldnt share it here in SS. i just wrote about it alone in my computer notes T_T.

 

[Dried_Ink]

You have tremendous strength, don't let anybody tell you different. I feel your pain. I was there. The consuming hopelessness after a failed attempt. The shock of having touched the void so closely but returning again to all I resolved never to return to. I hope you and I never get to that point again. Sometimes hospitalization is the appropriate intervention…You learn some things in a psych hospital with all their bendy pens and rounded furniture and clinical teams and people just like you and me struggling to keep the torch aflame for one more day before it blows out completely.

 

[bbye111]

You have tremendous strength, don't let anybody tell you different. I feel your pain. I was there. The consuming hopelessness after a failed attempt. The shock of having touched the void so closely but returning again to all I resolved never to return to. I hope you and I never get to that point again. Sometimes hospitalization is the appropriate intervention…You learn some things in a psych hospital with all their bendy pens and rounded furniture and clinical teams and people just like you and me struggling to keep the torch aflame for one more day before it blows out completely.

thank you. i hope so too... living's such a pain

 

[girlsboysthems]

hey.. i attempted last january 4 by hanging... i just wanna vent. it was perfect guys. i hit the "sweet spot". everything was right, the preparation... i did it right, it was all finally set. after all the research and looking for possible methods i could realistically do. after considering all the factors and external risks (getting caught, rope breaking, etc.) the timing was perfect, after researching and experimenting for months when could i possibly do it considering the number of people at home... it was the closest to perfect from all the attempts and experiments ive tried. highest success rate. i was already hanging, close to unconsciousness, i felt my self submerging to unconsciousness, my face felt like it was about to burst but im close to passing out anyway. but i stopped. i fucking discontinued. i was consumed by anxiety, "what if i get caught." "what if they suddenly come home early, then id get hospitalized" i thought about how theyd look at me, and how theyd perceive me afterwards. how life would be more hellish when i recover. so i stopped and fixed everything right away. i sat anxiously waiting for them... only to realize it was 3 hours already. i couldve been dead. i couldve succeeded already. i couldve been in peace. fuck. when the realization hit me. i just sat in my room dumb founded. shaky. i felt the damages ive inflicted on myself for the past months of preparation, including this attempt. i was lightheaded, neck hurted, somehow my head was twitchy. physically... i know i fucked myself already. and some could be irreversible damage already. i felt so empty. just staring at my wall. i couldve died right then and there. but i was consumed by fright. if only. i kicked the chair to leave me no choice. if only. ill be continuing my life with these injuries already. i want to die before january 9. school will start... i dont want to continue life anymore. this... this attempt left such a big scar on me. i couldve died already:(. i just sat in my room, the quietness in my head after the severe anxiety i felt while waiting was torturing. i thought of nothing. it was just empty. i couldnt even dare to move. i looked at myself in the mirror. it was just an empty shell... after that they came home an hour later, i helped carrying stuff from the car. no one knew what happened. and i was just awfully silent and empty minded. after recovering abit all i thought of and wanted to do is to make another plan, painfully hoped for another chance.. but you know... im just. so tired already. it pains me alot... i couldve died already. i shouldve:(. thats all... thank you for reading:(

haha my phone's charger got lost within the 2 days. i felt so much pain that i couldnt share it here in SS. i just wrote about it alone in my computer notes T_T.

I feel you. I had a similar failed attempt and the words and the thoughts you had about what people would think (in regards to the attempt) are so very true and are devastating. People think you're made out of glass after the suicide and you get your basic human rights taken away because you are a danger to yourself. Like we wouldn't have this problem if we were dead. But yeah I feel you man.