Failed an attempt and got sent to the mental hospital.

[buscatchers]

So I failed my stupid attempt and my partner sent me to a mental hospital. I was voted by the ER doctors to be sent for ten days. It was a terrible experience. My partner also is aware of this site since he saw me browsing it in the ER.

I think this time around, I will be "biting the bullet" and just hang myself in the forest. I've always been afraid of that but I'm at my wit's end. I even feel ashamed to post here because of my previous stupid posts.

Don't feel sympathy for me, I'm an abusive piece of shit. I control my partner and I hate it when he goes out with his friends. I hate his job because he works long hours, six days of the week; which makes our time spent together less. I yelled at him today and I instantly Switched and tendered to him. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but I think that I'm a covert narcissist. Being a narcissist is the worst thing in the world, especially borderline personality disorder. I would rather stop prolonging the solution to my problems, which is suicide.

He's already been abused before and I'd rather kill myself than hurt him even more. I've contributed to his pain even more.

I think I'll hang myself tomorrow. I just Hope I won't pussy out this time. I'm such a fucking pussy ass bitch.

 

[sadproton]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear that. I was also considering hanging myself in the forest today, looking at google maps to see where would be least likely to be exposed to vulnerable eyes. Came out of a mental hospital stay not too long ago, too.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend but have remained obsessed with her for a month. I also suspect I have BPD, or at least a good few of the symptoms show up with me. And of course that leaves me to wonder as well if I'm some sort of narcissist in addition.

So, it was weird to read this post and identify so many commonalities. I don't get on here much, so maybe our type is common.

Lastly... the guy is staying with you nonetheless. He's either a dumbass OR he gets more plus than minus from you.

I was a dumbass and dumped my girl impulsively when she was giving me WAY more happiness than pain. Sigh.

 

[buscatchers]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear that. I was also considering hanging myself in the forest today, looking at google maps to see where would be least likely to be exposed to vulnerable eyes. Came out of a mental hospital stay not too long ago, too.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend but have remained obsessed with her for a month. I also suspect I have BPD, or at least a good few of the symptoms show up with me. And of course that leaves me to wonder as well if I'm some sort of narcissist in addition.

So, it was weird to read this post and identify so many commonalities. I don't get on here much, so maybe our type is common.

Lastly... the guy is staying with you nonetheless. He's either a dumbass OR he gets more plus than minus from you.

I was a dumbass and dumped my girl impulsively when she was giving me WAY more happiness than pain. Sigh.

Weird to read that I'm not alone. I've had the thought of killing myself in the forest today as well. I know exactly where to go so nobody else will be able to find my body for a while. I'm also impulsive. He also has borderline but he worked on himself and is better.

I struggle to see how he finds more happiness than misery. He's definitely very miserable. I think he'll be happier when I'm gone so that he can find someone who will actually treat him right. He cried in the hospital but he doesn't know that this is the best solution/course of action.

I barely come on here as well, only when the urges to commit suicide get very strong. I've posted stupid ideas of suicide in the past on here, so I mostly lurk sometimes rather than post.

 

[sadproton]

Hm, well, it sounds like you really care about him and vice versa. Love can be totally illogical like that. Even through so much pain we'll cling on to that little grain of love. Even though it hurts more in the end :(

Well dang. It's cool to hear that he got better. sounds like a good guy. what did he do to improve? I figured I'll at least try going to some therapy and stay on some new meds for a bit before CTB.

This is not for myself though. I'd love to CTB some time soon, but am waiting a bit to decide if I can just... exist. single. To make mom happy. Sigh.

Oh wait... BTW. You can just break up with him even though you love him, if you really think it'll be best for him. The fact that you're considering his feelings like that means you're probably not a super duper narcissist. That's what they told me at the last mental hospital stay..

 

[LeafOnTheWind]

We live in a strange time, so much social value on "right to life" but should that not work both ways? Should a person not have a right not to live in same sense. I mean not only from random thoughts entering if due to problems or emotions but well thought out and perhaps reasonable arguments? Even with program that's in Canada for assistance medically the uneducated keep telling media that the government is killing people. Makes me sad when a stage 4 cancer patient has to just chin up and chive on while slowly going. The person who really just would like to go for other reasons are still made to think big pharma has all the solutions as well, they really need to sit down and just talk with someone as if psychological therapies are a sure thing. Sadness all around us.

 

[buscatchers]

Hm, well, it sounds like you really care about him and vice versa. Love can be totally illogical like that. Even through so much pain we'll cling on to that little grain of love. Even though it hurts more in the end :(

Well dang. It's cool to hear that he got better. sounds like a good guy. what did he do to improve? I figured I'll at least try going to some therapy and stay on some new meds for a bit before CTB.

This is not for myself though. I'd love to CTB some time soon, but am waiting a bit to decide if I can just... exist. single. To make mom happy. Sigh.

Oh wait... BTW. You can just break up with him even though you love him, if you really think it'll be best for him. The fact that you're considering his feelings like that means you're probably not a super duper narcissist. That's what they told me at the last mental hospital stay..

Part of me wanting to CTB is because I don't want to break up with him. (Selfish reasons of course.) I don't see myself living if I do, which sounds cliche. I have a unique situation but if I disclose that, it would give too much information out. I've been thinking of catching the bus for as long as I remember anyhow, and I'm not going to prolong it even more.

He did his own CBT therapy, for around two years. Perhaps you could work with a therapist who specializes in it. I'm also on mood stabilizers. Not sure if they help but I'm not the best at remembering to take my meds lol. I'd recommend you try to get help before making that decision 100%, I support that.

 

[zeek]

same here, sent to the mental ward following an overdose (still here)
im also thinking about hanging myself in the forest in the near future
its nice to see that you realise mental illness can end up hurting those you love, and while i don't believe killing yourself would be the right move now, but maybe a bit later.
have you tried isolating yourself from everyone.
have a little time to think in solitude

 

[sadproton]

Oh I gotcha.. naw it doesn't sound cliche. I can imagine what it'd be like to feel that way...

Yep, it's been on my mind for... 8 years now? Looking back on how consistently it's been.. it's make you wonder, you know? how could it possibly change? everyone says it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. well. very hard to know if the problem's indeed temporary after 8 years. phew.

Well shit. I'll try the therapy stuff then. even if it makes me gag from how cheesy it is. 0_0

 

[Cress]

As someone who's been hospitalized many many times I formed a better resentment towards the process. Even if you feel like you're irredeemable person I don't think anyone deserves suffering. I don't have bipolar disorder myself but I'm dated girls in the past that have And I've been subjected to emotional manipulation by them.

One moment that's burned into my mind. I was in a long term relationship with a girl with bipolar disorder and she Was upset with her mom so she grabbed her mom's car keys and walked out the front door and threw them as far as she could into the parking lot. Her mother walked over to her and slapped her in the face and screamed "why are you like this?!". My girlfriend started laughing hysterically they quickly became indistinguishable from frantic crying and ran up the stairs.

I've also had girlfriends in the past who socially isolated me from all of my friends for jealousy reasons.

I don't hate anyone for any suffering that they might have put me through. It was just in their nature I suppose

Just because you've done bad things doesn't mean you're irredeemable. Please don't forget that. Sorry we haven't talked more

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I have borderline personality disorder and I've also been thinking that my boyfriend could do better without me.
These past weeks he has worked from home to keep an eye on me since I'm suicidal.
You may do bad things to your partner but you don't sound like a narcisist to me, otherwise you wouldn't care so much about his feelings.
I get not being able to live if you break up...I feel that way. Although for me I feel trapped since my boyfriend is depressed, has PTSD and has passive suicidal thoughts. I don't want to be the one to push him over the edge when he has been working so hard on recovery.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through that. It's inhumane to be sent to a psych ward. I wish you all the best and I hope you find peace.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

So I failed my stupid attempt and my partner sent me to a mental hospital. I was voted by the ER doctors to be sent for ten days. It was a terrible experience. My partner also is aware of this site since he saw me browsing it in the ER.

I think this time around, I will be "biting the bullet" and just hang myself in the forest. I've always been afraid of that but I'm at my wit's end. I even feel ashamed to post here because of my previous stupid posts.

Don't feel sympathy for me, I'm an abusive piece of shit. I control my partner and I hate it when he goes out with his friends. I hate his job because he works long hours, six days of the week; which makes our time spent together less. I yelled at him today and I instantly Switched and tendered to him. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but I think that I'm a covert narcissist. Being a narcissist is the worst thing in the world, especially borderline personality disorder. I would rather stop prolonging the solution to my problems, which is suicide.

He's already been abused before and I'd rather kill myself than hurt him even more. I've contributed to his pain even more.

I think I'll hang myself tomorrow. I just Hope I won't pussy out this time. I'm such a fucking pussy ass bitch.

I seriously wish some rich person would contact me to buy all my organs on the black market for their sick relative or something. Not gonna happen though. I'd just get the creepy Hannibal Lecters I think all sorts in this desperation.

 

[Jezzibell]

I'm so sorry. It's awful feeling like you have no control over your own life. My brother and mother are both narcissistic. My mother being the worst. I am bpd too.

I seriously wish some rich person would contact me to buy all my organs on the black market for their sick relative or something. Not gonna happen though. I'd just get the creepy Hannibal Lecters I think all sorts in this desperation.

Love this idea

As someone who's been hospitalized many many times I formed a better resentment towards the process. Even if you feel like you're irredeemable person I don't think anyone deserves suffering. I don't have bipolar disorder myself but I'm dated girls in the past that have And I've been subjected to emotional manipulation by them.

One moment that's burned into my mind. I was in a long term relationship with a girl with bipolar disorder and she Was upset with her mom so she grabbed her mom's car keys and walked out the front door and threw them as far as she could into the parking lot. Her mother walked over to her and slapped her in the face and screamed "why are you like this?!". My girlfriend started laughing hysterically they quickly became indistinguishable from frantic crying and ran up the stairs.

I've also had girlfriends in the past who socially isolated me from all of my friends for jealousy reasons.

I don't hate anyone for any suffering that they might have put me through. It was just in their nature I suppose

Just because you've done bad things doesn't mean you're irredeemable. Please don't forget that. Sorry we haven't talked more

Wow. Your words resonated with me

 

[randal_bond]

So I failed my stupid attempt and my partner sent me to a mental hospital. I was voted by the ER doctors to be sent for ten days. It was a terrible experience. My partner also is aware of this site since he saw me browsing it in the ER.

I think this time around, I will be "biting the bullet" and just hang myself in the forest. I've always been afraid of that but I'm at my wit's end. I even feel ashamed to post here because of my previous stupid posts.

Don't feel sympathy for me, I'm an abusive piece of shit. I control my partner and I hate it when he goes out with his friends. I hate his job because he works long hours, six days of the week; which makes our time spent together less. I yelled at him today and I instantly Switched and tendered to him. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but I think that I'm a covert narcissist. Being a narcissist is the worst thing in the world, especially borderline personality disorder. I would rather stop prolonging the solution to my problems, which is suicide.

He's already been abused before and I'd rather kill myself than hurt him even more. I've contributed to his pain even more.

I think I'll hang myself tomorrow. I just Hope I won't pussy out this time. I'm such a fucking pussy ass bitch.

I commend your self-awareness. Not many borderlines or npd own it up like you do. But - have you told your partner that you understand how much you hurt him but can't stop and will continue doing it? Tell him that there's no hope of it getting better. That he will get more of the same as long as you are together. Give him a choice about what he wants to do. It would be more fair if you didn't put your CTB on him and separated first. That is if you really care about him and don't want to hurt him more than you've done already (that's what you said). But that is a big "if".

 

[gbi2]

I suffered from bullying by a narcissist at work and now regularly watch videos from someone called Ben Taylor who runs a YouTube channel called Raw Motivations. He is a self-aware narcissist and his videos and shorts are intended to help both other narcissists and the people they hurt. Mental Healness is also another good channel. They show it can be turned into something of benefit. Maybe give them a watch or even try to contact them directly. Ben does personal help too. Not sure of the cost or who qualifies for it but again could be worth considering

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

. I don't have bipolar disorder myself but I'm dated girls in the past that have And I've been subjected to emotional manipulation by them.

Thats borderline personality disorder, not the same thing as bipolar. Two different things

 

[Lovey]

Thats borderline personality disorder, not the same thing as bipolar. Two different things

As someone who was misdiagnosed BPD but is actually bipolar, this is an important distinction

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

As someone who was misdiagnosed BPD but is actually bipolar, this is an important distinction

i've seen multiple people who think the two are related somehow. they're not. i even think i'm BPD

 

[hopeless08]

So I failed my stupid attempt and my partner sent me to a mental hospital. I was voted by the ER doctors to be sent for ten days. It was a terrible experience. My partner also is aware of this site since he saw me browsing it in the ER.

I think this time around, I will be "biting the bullet" and just hang myself in the forest. I've always been afraid of that but I'm at my wit's end. I even feel ashamed to post here because of my previous stupid posts.

Don't feel sympathy for me, I'm an abusive piece of shit. I control my partner and I hate it when he goes out with his friends. I hate his job because he works long hours, six days of the week; which makes our time spent together less. I yelled at him today and I instantly Switched and tendered to him. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but I think that I'm a covert narcissist. Being a narcissist is the worst thing in the world, especially borderline personality disorder. I would rather stop prolonging the solution to my problems, which is suicide.

He's already been abused before and I'd rather kill myself than hurt him even more. I've contributed to his pain even more.

I think I'll hang myself tomorrow. I just Hope I won't pussy out this time. I'm such a fucking pussy ass bitch.

Don't put yourself down, I know sometimes you can't help it and feel guilty but it's not your fault, it's a sickness .I as well have BPD and my and fear of rejection is the most terrifying experience.
I understand you with the fear of hanging, I know some people here say that if you are really suicidal and desperate enough would not be afraid of doing it but still I can't bring myself to hang and trust me I'm suicidal.. All I want is to go already