How many on here suffer from extreme mental anguish and what does it feel like for you? For me I feel like a prisoner in hell. I'm locked in my house of horror mind and can't get out or away from taunting fearful thoughts of the future. On the outside everything seems lifeless and colorless with a grey hue. I feel disconnected from life and the world. I just want to be dead and at peace
its not like that at all for me
i feel constantly like the one thing i want, a normal relationship with someone i am physically attracted to, is essentially so unlikely as to be impossible
i have felt this way for a while and have not gotten into a relationship for many years and was also injured during a sexually violent attack and so that happening seems improbable and it doesn't seem crazy for me to believe it to be improbable.
i also lost my best friend in the past year and am in some chronic pain and also dealing with poverty.
i constantly feel victimized and exploited and also exhausted in a just chronic sadness/chronic health problem way. i feel like ive been chased by a bear in the forrest for 2 days ans im tired and out of energy and just need to sleep.
i also was really emotionally abused and treated poorly when i was involuntarily hospitalized, so i no longer trust society to provide any services that lack cruelty and exploitation and just avoid all typical treatments for mental health issues, as I do not trust their professional rules to adequately protect my dignity and privacy. This leads to extreme alienation because I'm not even able to be openly sad anymore, since doing so typically results in cries of "prioritize mental health and talk with a mental health professional or call 988." It's such a ubiquitous standardized response that I just keep my sadness hidden because I can't have conversations about how the mental health industey is cruel and evil without sounding unhinged to the typical yokel parrot who thinks whenevee anyone is sad they call 988 and take prozac and talk about feelings and get better.
i think unlike you, i dont see my mind as the problem. i see the causes as external and rationally related to my despair: my physical injuries, combined with exhaustion from sadness and pain, and alienation due to discomfort with mental health industry "ethical" rules and no alternatives for help except religion. i can't envision a life in 10 years for me that looks happy. i think my feelings are valid and realistic, so it's not so much like "oh my mind has horrors" or irrational thinking. it's more like life is objectively terrible for me.
i also feel like the world has become extremely evil or is inherently evil and theres not a way to contribute to society without contributing to evil. for example, i like jewish people and like multiculturalism and believe jewish people have a right to exist. i also am against state sponsored torture and believe the violence against Palestinian civillians constitutes genocide. By working, I am required to support sending funds to Israel to support what I consider a genocide. I also support state level action that I believe constitutes torture. I can't opt out of the system except via homelessness or death. Even if I fight the system using peaceful means, in order to do that I have to contribute to the corruption.
i am not so much fearful or disinterested in life inherently. But I think life is hard and without a relationship or even the possibility of that, the suffering is too much for me to try to make the world better. I really wish I could be the hero and try to improve the planet, but I'm just overwhelmed by pain.
it bothers me to be sad, i feel like the people who were cruel to me "win" in my sadness. but i am not sure i have the energy or will power to keep fighting when i am this sad. if i had someone i think i could keep fighting.
