Extermely suicidal as my birthday is approaching

[FireFox]

Hello everyone

I am new to this site. I live in the UK .I am lonely even though I have family and friends. My family never listen to me , my friends have thier lives

I turn 23 next month. I hate birthdays as they remind me my life is nothing but a failure.

I am going to turn 23 and I have nothing to show for it .

I never had a job except voluntary work

I never had a boyfriend and I still a virgin

I feel so lost ever since graduating university. I studied law but dont want to be a lawyer

I planning to buy many boxes of nytol pills and overdose at some point .
I been sucidal for years and I Cant enjoy life anymore.

I feel like i am too old to do anything

 

[Oyoy]

Not having a boyfriend is nothing to be ashamed of. I would be so proud to be a virgin. 23 is very young.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Have you researched the method? It is more likely to cause a hospitalization than to cause ctb.

I'm 49, you're definitely not too old to do anything. Not trying to negate you, just offering a different perspective. I always compared the 20s, especially early to mid 20s, as the adolescence of a adulthood. Some people seem to get everything adult-y in order early, for some it takes longer. I was a late-bloomer. Starting at 25, things improved for me with every year. But that's just me, I get that everyone is different.

 

[Soul]

@FireFox, I'm sorry you're contemplating such things - especially when you're clearly very far from a failure if you've got a law degree at such a young age *and* that you know you don't want to be a lawyer. But before you decide what to do, please have a good long browse through the Resource Compendium near the top of the forum, so you don't try something that will just make your situation worse.

Please be good to yourself; research well; don't rush anything. x

 

[FireFox]

@FireFox, I'm sorry you're contemplating such things - especially when you're clearly very far from a failure if you've got a law degree at such a young age *and* that you know you don't want to be a lawyer. But before you decide what to do, please have a good long browse through the Resource Compendium near the top of the forum, so you don't try something that will just make your situation worse.

Please be good to yourself; research well; don't rush anything. x

Have you researched the method? It is more likely to cause a hospitalization than to cause ctb.

I'm 49, you're definitely not too old to do anything. Not trying to negate you, just offering a different perspective. I always compared the 20s, especially early to mid 20s, as the adolescence of a adulthood. Some people seem to get everything adult-y in order early, for some it takes longer. I was a late-bloomer. Starting at 25, things improved for me with every year. But that's just me, I get that everyone is different.

I feel like i am running out of time to have my life together.
Nothing brings me pleasure anymore and my happiness is nonexistent

Seeing people my age doing major things which thier lives like having careers, having relationships, travelling

Everyday I question all the decisions I made in my life.

I was offered a part time job in a church but turned it down due to fear of messing up and being needy. I never going to get a job offer again in my life

Since then i apply for jobs in supermarkets, retail and they reject me

I feel like i ruined my life forever
The future scares me so much. I dont want to see the next 10-20 years of my life

 

[Brink]

Hello everyone

I am new to this site. I live in the UK .I am lonely even though I have family and friends. My family never listen to me , my friends have thier lives

I turn 23 next month. I hate birthdays as they remind me my life is nothing but a failure.

Hello fellow Briton, welcome to SS! I'm sorry you're here and thank you for sharing.

I never had a job except voluntary work

Voluntary work is real work and is more important than many paid roles. If you do ever seek paid employment, employers' value it the same... especially if you're young.

I planning to buy many boxes of nytol pills and overdose at some point .

Doing that will only make things so much worse for you. I hope you're able to give life a go and at the very least have a viable, peaceful option to exit if you exhaust all of life's options and don't feel better.

 

[FireFox]

Day after day my sucidial thoughts are getting more and more intrusive. I see sucide for me as an escape .

I suffer from moderate depression and struggle to get help on NHS

I never going to find my place in the world

Leaving university I feel so lost and cant cope.

At university I had a structure and purpose. Now it is gone i just cant cope.

Hello fellow Briton, welcome to SS! I'm sorry you're here and thank you for sharing.


Voluntary work is real work and is more important than many paid roles. If you do ever seek paid employment, employers' value it the same... especially if you're young.


Doing that will only make things so much more worse for you. I hope you're able to give life a go and at the very least have a viable, peaceful option to exit for when you've exhausted all life's options and help.

Nytol are legal sleeping pills which can be bought over the counter i the (dipenhydrammine is what it is made of)

I cant wrong with sleeping pills . I will falll alseep forever

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I cant wrong with sleeping pills . I will falll alseep forever

Probably not. Have you researched? Terrifying hallucinations, not sleepy, hospitalization. There are rare accounts of successful ctbs, they are the exception. Use the site search for diphenhydramine, Google fatal and non-fatal overdoses. I'm not encouraging you to ctb, but if you actually want to die, this is not a remotely reliable or peaceful method.

 

[FireFox]

After the lock down i most likely end my life

 

[Timetodie90]

Hello everyone

I am new to this site. I live in the UK .I am lonely even though I have family and friends. My family never listen to me , my friends have thier lives

I turn 23 next month. I hate birthdays as they remind me my life is nothing but a failure.

I am going to turn 23 and I have nothing to show for it .

I never had a job except voluntary work

I never had a boyfriend and I still a virgin

I feel so lost ever since graduating university. I studied law but dont want to be a lawyer

I planning to buy many boxes of nytol pills and overdose at some point .
I been sucidal for years and I Cant enjoy life anymore.

I feel like i am too old to do anything

First of all I feel you. I feel suicidal especially when it's coming up to my birthday. Birthdays were always a bad time for me as a kid. I was a virgin til I was 22. What is wrong with being a Virgin at 23 ? Certainly doesn't make you a failure. Also just because you studied law and don't want to be a lawyer that doesn't matter at all. You can use that knowledge in some other field of expertise. No one is worthless. As for your method of suicide that's a big no no. You will be very unwell and won't die as a result of it probably. I live in England by the way. Here if you want to chat.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal it is the courage to continue that counts." ~ Winston Churchill ~

 

[FireFox]

I feel like everything in my life is a mess.

I never thought this would be my life.

I am adult but failing to be one.

I wish I had an older sibling it sucks being the olderst.
I know people have it harder than me.
I dont want to be me anymore.

 

[Timetodie90]

I feel like everything in my life is a mess.

I never thought this would be my life.

I am adult but failing to be one.

I wish I had an older sibling it sucks being the olderst.
I know people have it harder than me.
I dont want to be me anymore.

I would be lying if I said I know exactly how you feel as we all feel differently. I haven't got much of a life either. But I do suggest exhausting every avenue before attempting to ctb. I attempted ctb last week and I feel rough as a badgers behind. All I'm saying is hang in there. This Corona Virus is going to change things for sure whether that be for better or worse. But I think you need to seriously think if you want to do this or not. And how. Where are you from in the UK by the way I'm from Sunderland, North East England.

 

[FireFox]

I would be lying if I said I know exactly how you feel as we all feel differently. I haven't got much of a life either. But I do suggest exhausting every avenue before attempting to ctb. I attempted ctb last week and I feel rough as a badgers behind. All I'm saying is hang in there. This Corona Virus is going to change things for sure whether that be for better or worse. But I think you need to seriously think if you want to do this or not. And how. Where are you from in the UK by the way I'm from Sunderland, North East England.

I live London

 

[Timetodie90]

I live London

Only been there a few times. They were just fleeting visits. Never really explored it properly.

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

I've always had a depression surrounding my birthdays since as long as I can remember.
I was 21 or 22 or 23 before I lost my virginity and it's that important that I can't even pinpoint in 3 years... And so many problems stemmed from this.
You are sitting on a goldmine, literally. Rich old men with small penis's and big pockets will pay ALOT of money to 'take' your virginity. When their done your hymen will still likely be untouched so your free to lose it to someone you like now you have a ton of money.
Best wishes

 

[FireFox]

I've always had a depression surrounding my birthdays since as long as I can remember.
I was 21 or 22 or 23 before I lost my virginity and it's that important that I can't even pinpoint in 3 years... And so many problems stemmed from this.
You are sitting on a goldmine, literally. Rich old men with small penis's and big pockets will pay ALOT of money to 'take' your virginity. When their done your hymen will still likely be untouched so your free to lose it to someone you like now you have a ton of money.
Best wishes

You have me laugh with this post

Thank you and have a lovely week

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

You have me laugh with this post

Thank you and have a lovely week

I am being serious, but that's just me and it's your body but you obviously didn't study business in university to not realize this lol... Yes my personality is not for everyone.

By 23 You say you have friends, have worked (even though you put yourself down saying 'only voluntary'), have an education, you say your family doesn't listen to you... so they do speak to you... all of which is more than alot of people that are doing all the things you mention, traveling, having relationships/sex.
You sound like you just have incredibly low self worth or are overly emotional. What do you really think is the problem...

 

[FireFox]

I am being serious, but that's just me and it's your body but you obviously didn't study business in university to not realize this lol... Yes my personality is not for everyone.

By 23 You say you have friends, have worked (even though you put yourself down saying 'only voluntary'), have an education, you say your family doesn't listen to you... so they do speak to you... all of which is more than alot of people that are doing all the things you mention, traveling, having relationships/sex.
You sound like you just have incredibly low self worth or are overly emotional. What do you really think is the problem...

When i talk to my family they have this attitude of everthing can be solved by praying to God. My family believe i should be grateful etc. They never listen.
I cry my eyes out they never confort me.

They believe depression is not a real conditon and is a first world problem. Oh my god they will bring up about how hard their childhoods were..

When they do give suggestions they are so unhelpful and backward.

I am upset about being single- My nan suggestion is I should wear make up like everyone else.
I prefer to ask guys out my nan says i should leave men to do the chasing . My nan i should go to bars.
I hate going to bars. I prefer going to music , protests, art museums and sight seeing

I hate society why cant be myself.

Friends are not therapits they have thier own lives. My sucidial thoughts are on and off orginally but have worsened .

There is a social stigma towards people who never worked. I read on online forums how it is shameful never to have worked

 

[Sensei]

@FireFox, it's painful to read your posts, because it's very obvious that you're desperate. Sometimes, suicide is the most rational course of action. In your case, I think it's simply to try to solve your problems. You wrote in another thread that you believe some problems are fixable and now you need to apply that on yourself. I know it feeks hopeless, but you're only 23 and there are still plenty of time for you to get your shit togeter, as they say.

When I was your age, actually even a little bit older, I had to move home to my parents. I applied for every thinkable and unthinkable job, but it was impossible to find one. Eventually both my parents and I lost faith in me and I was 100 % convinced that my life was over and gave suicide serious consideration. Yet, things I found a job eventually and in retrospect suicide would have been the wrong decision. You will probably find a job and probably also quite soon. Your friends or family might hear about a job opportunity somewhere, you might stumble over an add online or offline, and so on.

On a related note, you talk about leaving university. I don't know exactly how the system works in the UK, but I know that you have loans and grants. Would it be economically suitable for you to study something else than law, i.e. make a a change of career? If nothing else, maybe you should take a stray course to make yourself busy and get some structure in your everyday life?

You are likely to find a boyfriend sooner or later., but it might not happen tomorrow. Start a thread about how to find one and I'm sure you'll get plenty of advice. It seems you're taking steps yourself by asking guys out. It's one of those things you're not supposed to talk about, but young women who loose their virginity to bungling young men tend to get a mediocre sex life as they think they can't expect getting anything better than that.

You say that you suffer from moderate depression and don't get the help you need. It's not necessarily enough to compensate for psychiatric care, but you can treat yourself in different ways. Two methods which are often mentioned in this forum and which work for many people are exercise and meditation. You can always start a thread and ask what people do to treat themselves.

I don't know if anything of this makes sense. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that your problems probably can be solved if you give it some time. You can still kill yourself later on if it doesn't work out.

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

Ask your family why there is no longer any holy water in churches since Corona.

You sound like you have a self defeating approach to meeting a guy. If you're always asking them you might comes across as being desperate, needy, clingy etc. Hover back, let the guys notice you, play hard to get, it really won't take long.

You'd have to be insane not to hate society.

You say you have done voluntary work though and have studied. Do are not idle... There are a mass percentage of lazy fuckers in this country having several kids with no intention of ever working unless it's robbing old ladies.

 

[disabledandhopeless]

You're only 23 and with a law degree. If you're healthy I would suggest to give your life a chance.
P.s. If you're too old to do anything then I must be a fossil.

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

@FireFox, Start a thread about how to find one and I'm sure you'll get plenty of advice.

Not to mention the guys with the same mindset as her... Thread *23 female virgin looking for love*
Poor girl won't know what to do guys will be coming in on parachutes.

 

[dietsodamnsad]

Hi friend, I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I hope you realise that doing voluntary work is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You helped others simply because you could, and that's something not a lot of people are willing to do. I haven't had a boyfriend either (not a proper one anyway, it's a complicated and boring story) and am also a virgin. My birthday was early March and turning 21 made me so anxious and depressed that I was admitted to a psych ward, so I understand how triggering that time can be.

Whatever you decide to do I just hope you find peace and happiness.

 

[FireFox]

@FireFox, it's painful to read your posts, because it's very obvious that you're desperate. Sometimes, suicide is the most rational course of action. In your case, I think it's simply to try to solve your problems. You wrote in another thread that you believe some problems are fixable and now you need to apply that on yourself. I know it feeks hopeless, but you're only 23 and there are still plenty of time for you to get your shit togeter, as they say.

When I was your age, actually even a little bit older, I had to move home to my parents. I applied for every thinkable and unthinkable job, but it was impossible to find one. Eventually both my parents and I lost faith in me and I was 100 % convinced that my life was over and gave suicide serious consideration. Yet, things I found a job eventually and in retrospect suicide would have been the wrong decision. You will probably find a job and probably also quite soon. Your friends or family might hear about a job opportunity somewhere, you might stumble over an add online or offline, and so on.

On a related note, you talk about leaving university. I don't know exactly how the system works in the UK, but I know that you have loans and grants. Would it be economically suitable for you to study something else than law, i.e. make a a change of career? If nothing else, maybe you should take a stray course to make yourself busy and get some structure in your everyday life?

You are likely to find a boyfriend sooner or later., but it might not happen tomorrow. Start a thread about how to find one and I'm sure you'll get plenty of advice. It seems you're taking steps yourself by asking guys out. It's one of those things you're not supposed to talk about, but young women who loose their virginity to bungling young men tend to get a mediocre sex life as they think they can't expect getting anything better than that.

You say that you suffer from moderate depression and don't get the help you need. It's not necessarily enough to compensate for psychiatric care, but you can treat yourself in different ways. Two methods which are often mentioned in this forum and which work for many people are exercise and meditation. You can always start a thread and ask what people do to treat themselves.

I don't know if anything of this makes sense. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that your problems probably can be solved if you give it some time. You can still kill yourself later on if it doesn't work out.

I dont even know where to start?
I dont feel young it is so weird.
I am so scared of the future ctb for me stops me from seeing what i will become.
I am afriad of what will become of me .
I feel like i dont deserve to be alive

 

[ZardozOmega]

I'm in a similar situation, but I'm 24. Never worked, never been in a relationship. It sucks.

 

[Sensei]

I dont even know where to start?

To be frank, your thoughts seem to be racing and you're in a state of panic of some kind. You need to get out of that before you can do anything else. Is it possible for you to get out and take long walks in fresh air? I know it sounds incredibly trivial, but it helps most people calm down and collect their thoughts.

 

[ghostlysoap]

Hi there!

I am in the same position as you in many aspects. My birthday ALWAYS depresses me. I also never had a serious job. The only one I ever had ended up badly.
But I feel for you strongly. I know it sounds like a hard task but, give it time. You'll be surprised how things may change for you.
As for the boyfriend stuff, don't put that as a factor in feeling better in life, trust me, relationships can be more of a hassle than a positive thing.

Please take care! <3

 

[FireFox]

Hi there!

I am in the same position as you in many aspects. My birthday ALWAYS depresses me. I also never had a serious job. The only one I ever had ended up badly.
But I feel for you strongly. I know it sounds like a hard task but, give it time. You'll be surprised how things may change for you.
As for the boyfriend stuff, don't put that as a factor in feeling better in life, trust me, relationships can be more of a hassle than a positive thing.

Please take care! <3

I couldnt even be happy on the day of my graduation. I was so scared of the future.
I was so jealous of people who are not gradauting because they could stay a student longer and have more time to figure things out

I am also jealous of people who have no qualifications like gcse and A levels because they can start again.

I worry the longer I am unemployed the less employers will want me

 

[devil]

Woah I turn 23 next month too, what day is your birthday? Mine is May 8. But I know how you feel, I'm starting to feel more and more suicidal the closer it gets. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

 

[FireFox]

I know people have it harder than me those with disablities,homeless people ,
I am sorry if come across as a whiny little girl.
I am not even depressed anymore.
I want to stop existing. I dont want to be anymore.
I know people have it harder than me those with disablities,homeless people ,
I am sorry if come across as a whiny little girl.
I am not even depressed anymore.
I want to stop existing. I dont want to be me anymore.

Woah I turn 23 next month too, what day is your birthday? Mine is May 8. But I know how you feel, I'm starting to feel more and more suicidal the closer it gets. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

I turn 23 on the 13th May
I wish i was her every day it kills me .
I wish i was the girl I went to school with. She is still with the guy I always wanted since year 7 and she has a career (recruitment consultant)
She is a real adult and her life is so together .
I wanted to be his girlfriend . I wanted him to love me.