I have watched a lot of Youtubers with horrible lives. I once experienced that one of these Youtubers died due to cancer. His name was PeeWeeToms. I could imagine he did not have such a positive stance on assisted suicide. But maybe that is just too much speculation. His death happened 3 years ago. I can remember it it made me quite sad. I am not sure if I watched all videos to that time. But I was struggling with major depression to that time. My desire to die was very very strong. And then I watched his videos. His desire to live on was probably equivalent to my wish to die. I tried to inspire me with his videos. He fought so hard to live on. I was quite the opposite to that time. I was close to rock bottom.
To add one thing. I think I started to watch the videos when his chances of survival were pretty low. Maybe it would have been even harder for me to watch the videos if I was not prepared for what was happening. And by the way. I think I read abusive Youtube comments in his comments. I am not sure but I think some people made jokes about his death or questioned his illness. I absolutely despise behavior like that.
His family and wife were pretty strong. I was kind of fascinated by his mom. She seemed to me such a strong person. I think PeeWeeToms tried to escape reality a lot. He tried to be positive despite the odds very very bad. I found that kind of admirable. I think his mom was more realistic and could see it coming way earlier. Really his mom left a very impressing impression to me. How can a parent be that strong watching her son dying of cancer? His last videos in the hospice care sounded extremely scary. I am scared to ever experience something like that. Some people in my family had cancer. I am scared to get it too.
I also watched some other YouTubers who showed their journey with bipolar or schizophrenia. The dude with bipolar has quite a nightmarish life. His story (bullying and child abuse) resembled my story. He even survived some (serious) suicide attempts. I think he overcame his suicidality at least partly. I think he is convinced to live on despite very severe mental illness. Honestly I doubt that I could be as strong as him. He has developed an intensive love for animals. I think sone people in this forum did the same. For me personally animals are not that important. But I think many people consider them more peaceful as humans. I think especially people with bullying or abuse experience have this notion.
Then there was the right-to-die activist Adam Maier Clayton. I think he was member of sanctioned suicide when it was on reddit. Some people have told me that I was really surprised. He was convinced life is really a unique and awesome experience for most people. That it is important to fight to live on. Someone told me he was against the right to die for mentally ill people. I was quite disappointed about that. But I think his engagement for suffering people and the right-to-die movement was impressing. There were for example some interviews with English media. Yeah you can find a lot despicable and inhuman comments in the comments of his video. I read disgusting comments. People doubted the treatment resistance of his illness. These people are so arrogant and just pretend shit without having full knowledge. And AMC fought against these people when he was alive despite his extreme psychosomatic pain. And I read people wishing him an awful torture in hell. Yeah this is why I ususally don't talk on other websites about my suicidality. I want to avoid such hurtful comments. (which I received on other platforms)
Have you ever made a similar experience? It can be quite impactful.
To add one thing. I think I started to watch the videos when his chances of survival were pretty low. Maybe it would have been even harder for me to watch the videos if I was not prepared for what was happening. And by the way. I think I read abusive Youtube comments in his comments. I am not sure but I think some people made jokes about his death or questioned his illness. I absolutely despise behavior like that.
His family and wife were pretty strong. I was kind of fascinated by his mom. She seemed to me such a strong person. I think PeeWeeToms tried to escape reality a lot. He tried to be positive despite the odds very very bad. I found that kind of admirable. I think his mom was more realistic and could see it coming way earlier. Really his mom left a very impressing impression to me. How can a parent be that strong watching her son dying of cancer? His last videos in the hospice care sounded extremely scary. I am scared to ever experience something like that. Some people in my family had cancer. I am scared to get it too.
I also watched some other YouTubers who showed their journey with bipolar or schizophrenia. The dude with bipolar has quite a nightmarish life. His story (bullying and child abuse) resembled my story. He even survived some (serious) suicide attempts. I think he overcame his suicidality at least partly. I think he is convinced to live on despite very severe mental illness. Honestly I doubt that I could be as strong as him. He has developed an intensive love for animals. I think sone people in this forum did the same. For me personally animals are not that important. But I think many people consider them more peaceful as humans. I think especially people with bullying or abuse experience have this notion.
Then there was the right-to-die activist Adam Maier Clayton. I think he was member of sanctioned suicide when it was on reddit. Some people have told me that I was really surprised. He was convinced life is really a unique and awesome experience for most people. That it is important to fight to live on. Someone told me he was against the right to die for mentally ill people. I was quite disappointed about that. But I think his engagement for suffering people and the right-to-die movement was impressing. There were for example some interviews with English media. Yeah you can find a lot despicable and inhuman comments in the comments of his video. I read disgusting comments. People doubted the treatment resistance of his illness. These people are so arrogant and just pretend shit without having full knowledge. And AMC fought against these people when he was alive despite his extreme psychosomatic pain. And I read people wishing him an awful torture in hell. Yeah this is why I ususally don't talk on other websites about my suicidality. I want to avoid such hurtful comments. (which I received on other platforms)
Have you ever made a similar experience? It can be quite impactful.
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