Discussion Experiences With Working On Suicide Note long term

[DumbBoi]

Recently realized that my random scrawlings of my emotions have subtly formed to become a coherent suicide note for my internet friends and that im actively spending days tailoring it for it to be eventually posted so I have to wonder, how many of you have a similar process for suicide notes or working on your suicide note in long term fashion? and what has that been like for you?

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

A lot of thoughts, words, or phrases that I wanted to use would pop into my head on a daily basis and often I'd just scribble them down even if they weren't entirely coherent. It was more of a gradual process of connecting and articulating those thoughts. I tried sitting at my computer staring at a white screen and that didn't really work for me so I occasionally scribbled stuff in my phone and worked off of those ideas.

Having a decent environment helps too. I struggled to write anything when I had people in the house and constantly had to look over my shoulder.

 

[TAW122]

I have written my from more than a year ago when I originally set out to CTB around May 2019, but somehow unexpectedly things went well enough for me to go from actively wanting to CTB to only passively wanting to CTB, thus I survived until late 2019. Another event in late 2019 determined my fate of whether I'd see 2020, and that also went well, thus getting me into the year 2020. 2020 has been a shitshow and I have written my notes, but also tailoring it carefully as I plan to CTB in very late 2020 (or whenever I have the chance to) because I know that things have truly gone to shit and are unlikely to ever be good enough for me to stick around long term.

Had I known that 2020 is going to be a very shitty year, including the global pandemic (that is a factor) messing up my original plans, I'd check out end of 2019, but of course hindsight is 20/20.

To answer your question, I guess in the longterm, if I wasn't going to CTB immediately, then I'd have a note that is more or less general and not really detailed, subject to change. Of course, with new reasons or causes for CTB'ing the note would be amended accordingly, depending on how life plays out.