Discussion Existing with Asperger's

[Darkmoon Queen]

I'm undiagnosed but at this point, I strongly suspect that I fall somewhere on the spectrum. Too much to go into but so much fits that I can't entirely attribute to bullying and child abuse. It's as though I just don't.. UNDERSTAND things. I have an above average IQ but so much of life goes right over my fucking head. That and weird fixations with patterns and sequences and the rest.

I don't know any advantage to me personally to get this confirmed. It can't be 'cured' (and I'm not sure I'd want a cure because it would mean not being me anymore) and frankly, I wouldn't want it to be common knowledge. If people know you're neurodiverse, they start treating you like nothing you say or think has merit, as if you're an attention seeker or just a fucking idiot. They already do that to me, I think I'd go mad completely if I actually handed them a 'reason'.

I suppose I might get peace of mind from knowing that most things that bother me weren't my fault and I'm not just some repellent weirdo. But what then? I'm sick of therapists who are bad enough to be struck off and I don't want to be hemmed into any 'control your phrasing even if the message is completely fine' shit. Frankly if people want to be bastards, they will, and no "I/we" statement is going to alter that.

I just... where do I even go from a diagnosis?

 

[Lostandlooking]

Things will remain difficult in a lot of ways when you get a diagnosis. But it can also open things up when it comes to accomodations. And acknowledgment. Though this is not always the case. People can certainly treat you differently, and that's good and bad at the same time. It's just in people's nature to assume things. I'm very tired of explaining things to people. They always seem to misinterpret what I say. Or forget what I've said. But given the autism diagnosis I'm the one with communication problems.

Most therapy isn't very effective in my experience, especially with autism. In the end you have to decide if a diagnosis is something that would be helpful. If it's helpful in some small way I'd say go for it. Self diagnosis is regarded as valid by lots of members in the autism community.

And just a psa about the term asperger; it's not used much anymore, not an official diagnosis and not appreciated by many autistics. That's because Hans Asperger basically divided autistic people into two groups; those that were intelligent and acted like 'little professors' and those that were too disabled, intelectually or otherwise. And they were sent to the deathcamps. He was working for the Nazi's.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I just... where do I even go from a diagnosis?

I got diagnosed, and where I am going is to the afterlife.

 

[motel rooms]

I suppose I might get peace of mind from knowing that most things that bother me weren't my fault and I'm not just some repellent weirdo.

I guess that diagnosis would explain why you seem to have trouble putting yourself in other people's shoes & why you struck me as cold & dismissive of other members' problems. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I'm very tired of explaining things to people. They always seem to misinterpret what I say. Or forget what I've said. But given the autism diagnosis I'm the one with communication problems.

I always bend over backwards to explain myself clearly and without opinions or emotion, especially if the other person is already ranting. I've even been commended on how clearly I get my point across by doctors, etc. Maybe it's because I'm focusing on precision and not being relatable but I don't see why I need to fluff an adult into looking at a none-threatening fact. Things like that, I don't understand and I feel like people see things less clearly than I do but in a socially accepted way. Being understood by others feels like I'm trying to shoot a target in the dark.

Most therapy isn't very effective in my experience, especially with autism. In the end you have to decide if a diagnosis is something that would be helpful. If it's helpful in some small way I'd say go for it. Self diagnosis is regarded as valid by lots of members in the autism community.

I balk at involving my family in the diagnostic process. I'm in the UK, btw.

And just a psa about the term asperger; it's not used much anymore, not an official diagnosis and not appreciated by many autistics. That's because Hans Asperger basically divided autistic people into two groups; those that were intelligent and acted like 'little professors' and those that were too disabled, intelectually or otherwise. And they were sent to the deathcamps. He was working for the Nazi's.

Jesus, that's heavy. I used Asperger's because I know people who have it who use the term themselves. What should I use?

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Jesus, that's heavy. I used Asperger's because I know people who have it who use the term themselves. What should I use?

Autism lvl 1. Or just call yourself a sigma female.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

Autism lvl 1. Or just call yourself a sigma female.

Sigma Female kinda fits, tbh.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Sigma Female kinda fits, tbh.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I WISH THE LAWD WOULD TAKE ME NOW

 

[Lostandlooking]

Jesus, that's heavy. I used Asperger's because I know people who have it who use the term themselves. What should I use?

Some people still use it because they feel it fits in some way. It's not like I like to tell people what to do. But most people just use the term autism or autistic. I was originally diagnosed with PDD-NOS but I feel comfortable with calling myself autistic. People prefer the term autism or autistic because it doesn't exclude anyone. There isn't really any point putting people in different categories because it's a spectrum and that means it isn't linear, from low functioning to high functioning. It can mean a lot of different things.

Sigma female sound fine also lol.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Self diagnosis is regarded as valid by lots of members in the autism community.

I told OP exact same thing. It is better to read or listen to other autistics experiences and see if it resonates as means to learn if you are autistic rather than get a diagnosis. I feel the diagnosis criteria in itself is very limited in scope regardless.
P.S. my recent knowledge of possible asperger's diagnosis helped me minimize some of the self hate i had for myself. I think thats about the only advantage I got from knowing it.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I told OP exact same thing. It is better to read or listen to other autistics experiences and see if it resonates as means to learn if you are autistic rather than get a diagnosis. I feel the diagnosis criteria in itself is very limited in scope regardless.
P.S. my recent knowledge of possible asperger's diagnosis helped me minimize some of the self hate i had for myself. I think thats about the only advantage I got from knowing it.

That's the only advantage I can see for myself. I'm functional, I just.. feel separate.

 

[Snake of Eden]

That's the only advantage I can see for myself. I'm functional, I just.. feel separate.

As neurodivergent, we cant help how we are. I resigned that I am not likeable person. I dont even like myself. It made alot of sense why I am the way I am though. There is nothing that can be changed i guess

 

[cloudnone]

It's really just about finding the right people to be around. I have a coworker with Aspergers and pretty much everyone loves him, myself included. I think he's cool enough to talk to and hang out with outside of work, which is something I could even be fired for.

Really, some people are always gonna be judgemental. But I think people that would be judgemental of you because of something you can't help are honestly people you don't need, even if you didn't have Aspergers. Just an easy way to weed shitty people out, as I say it.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

It's really just about finding the right people to be around. I have a coworker with Aspergers and pretty much everyone loves him, myself included. I think he's cool enough to talk to and hang out with outside of work, which is something I could even be fired for.

Really, some people are always gonna be judgemental. But I think people that would be judgemental of you because of something you can't help are honestly people you don't need, even if you didn't have Aspergers. Just an easy way to weed shitty people out, as I say it.

That gets harder when most seem shitty..

 

[cloudnone]

That gets harder when most seem shitty..

I know that first hand. A lot of the reason I personally want to go is because of the lack of genuine love in the world.
That being said, you can find people that at least won't judge you. I know that much. :)

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I know that first hand. A lot of the reason I personally want to go is because of the lack of genuine love in the world.
That being said, you can find people that at least won't judge you. I know that much. :)

Thanks. I hope you're right. :/

 

[motel rooms]

I don't want to destroy you, OP. I said I was sorry if I hurt your feelings in this very thread. I never accused you of bullying me, I said I was annoyed by your cold, judgmental & unempathetic comments. Your claim that I'm a bully screaming he's being bullied is preposterous & in quite poor taste, actually. I know you're aware of what happened to me a week ago.

If I were indeed a male chauvinist prowling this forum in search of defenseless women to verbally abuse, my evil ass would have been banned months ago & everybody knows it. None of the women who have suffered various forms of abuse would interact with me, much less support me in my struggles. There's an extremely respected female member who was a victim of horrendous abuse & who noticed that your comment in a thread started by a desperately lonely woman with BPD was insensitive & completely unnecessary. Yes, I know all of our posts are still out there for everyone to read; that fact doesn't scare me.

I'm glad my posts encouraged you to reveal that you suspect you "exist with Asperger's". It's quite obvious that you did it because you realized that you had crossed the line & that you had to justify your coldness. Also, if I were "delusional & obsessed with you", I would have commented on more than 3 of your many posts.

I'm sorry you have to live with your condition. I know you'll think I'm being ironic, but I'm not. I derive no sick pleasure from your suffering.

 

[Fragile]

Despite what some people have claimed, autism is not directly related to uncaringness or not being able to feel for others. If anything, that's a very superficial and extreme mischaracterization of what autism is actually about, also quite damaging for people with this condition. It's very common for people with autism to actually have a very high sense of empathy and suffering for others.

Autism spectrum disorders are a whole gradient of behaviors that share some symptoms without a common cause. This is an umbrella term and not a single and objective diagnosis, especially when knowing that many people have these issues derived from other conditions that may not even be related to ASD. There's also the fact that depression and anxiety can mimic some of these symptoms and behaviors.

I really recommend that you look for an actual diagnosis from a specialist, because randos on the internet are always misinterpreting it. Take it from someone who is currently in a waiting list for a geneticist, because I really can't live without knowing for sure what exactly is afflicting me. At least that may bring you some peace of mind. Regardless of what you decide, just keep on living the same way you have until now, the diagnosis will only put a name to it, you'll always be you.

 

[motel rooms]

Also, @hotelbeneathground, please stop it with this gaslighting. Regardless of your intentions, making someone question their reality and have them believe that they have a mental condition is unbelievably shitty, like almost disgusting. You already made the assumption that she has it when she may not even qualify for a diagnosis. I'm not claiming that she's neurotypical or autistic, but that's not up for us to meddle with. Especially with the way you have posted about OP in other threads.

Gaslighting? What on earth are you talking about? You think I'm trying to mess with her mind by accusing her of having autism? She said she strongly suspected she had it to explain her behavior & I merely accepted her self-diagnosis.

 

[Fragile]

Gaslighting? What on earth are you talking about? You think I'm trying to mess with her mind by accusing her of having autism? She said she strongly suspected she had it to explain her behavior & I merely accepted her self-diagnosis.

Sorry, I looked back on the other thread and realized that you were not the one who brought it up. I should've checked since I misremembered it badly.

My apologies, really.

Edit: I took that accusation from my comment since I don't want other people to get a false and negative impression about you.

 

[motel rooms]

Sense personalities clashing and turning into bigger event than needs to be. Everyone sensitive on forum, everyone suffering, most feeling misunderstood. Last thing needed is anyone ganging on anyone else in a place meant to be safe escape from already cruel enough world.

Both I & @Angst Filled Fuck Up tried to de-escalate the situation & were ignored. He is not an entitled, misogynistic, violent monster just because he's frustrated with his partner. You think his gf never insulted him or complained about him to her friends? Even people in the healthiest of relationships say all kinds of things to & about each other. Human beings of all genders do it. If I blew off some steam by writing that my bf's been acting like a dumb little shit lately, would that make me an irredeemably abusive beast who hates all gay bottoms?

Let me try once more: I apologize to OP for assuming that her comments were purposely insensitive. I had no idea she might be on the autism spectrum.

 

[Dot]

Both I & @Angst Filled Fuck Up tried to de-escalate the situation & were ignored. He is not an entitled, misogynistic, violent monster just because he's frustrated with his partner. You think his gf never insulted him or complained about him to her friends? Even people in the healthiest of relationships say all kinds of things to & about each other. Human beings of all genders do it. If I blew off some steam by writing that my bf's been acting like a dumb little shit lately, would that make me an irredeemably abusive beast who hates all gay bottoms?

Let me try once more: I apologize to OP for assuming that her comments were purposely insensitive. I had no idea she might be on the autism spectrum.

Am aware - saw all unfolding.

Was backing u up in post. Could just see more users getting involved on each side & tried to de-escalate too with neutral perspective. Best not to be involved but saw gaslighting as unfair assessment - commented before @Fragile apologised & deleted own post when saw was not needed..

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Both I & @Angst Filled Fuck Up tried to de-escalate the situation & were ignored. He is not an entitled, misogynistic, violent monster just because he's frustrated with his partner. You think his gf never insulted him or complained about him to her friends? Even people in the healthiest of relationships say all kinds of things to & about each other. Human beings of all genders do it. If I blew off some steam by writing that my bf's been acting like a dumb little shit lately, would that make me an irredeemably abusive beast who hates all gay bottoms?

Let me try once more: I apologize to OP for assuming that her comments were purposely insensitive. I had no idea she might be on the autism spectrum.

Good post, thanks for writing it.

She either does really have Asperger's or is just very young emotionally - these people tend to see things black and white and be triggered by what they perceive as injustice. It takes them a while (sometimes never) to see we're all both good and bad in our own right. To quote one of my favorite films, "when one's young, it seems very easy to distinguish between right and wrong. But, as one gets older, it becomes more difficult. The villains and the heroes get all mixed up."

Nowadays we have an emotional knee-jerk reaction culture that is centered around picking out the Bad Person™ which just doesn't make much sense to me. Life is very nuanced.

To be fair though, I think OP was referencing someone else with the whole abuse thing and just kind of lumped me in there indirectly. For context, all I said was that my girlfriend was becoming more obstinate and purposely acting dumb, which I do still stand by. People often can't break away from a relationship without wrecking it through bad behavior first - thereby putting the ball in the other person's court and making the whole thing very emotionally draining.

I wanted to extend an olive branch to Darkmoon but she seemingly has no interest in playing nice or reconciling, again making me think she's very young. Everything is about fighting, masks slipping and gloves coming off, which I'm not about - at all, Even this will be perceived as talking down to her, I'm sure.

Anyway, best to put it all to bed. I want to leave the site and I've scheduled my account for deletion twice, but I keep somehow getting sucked back in. Not sure if I'll stick around, but it often feels like I'm too old and atypical to be relatable to anyone.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Despite what some people have claimed, autism is not directly related to uncaringness or not being able to feel for others. If anything, that's a very superficial and extreme mischaracterization of what autism is actually about, also quite damaging for people with this condition. It's very common for people with autism to actually have a very high sense of empathy and suffering for others.

I personally think that I have a problem with empathy and I could come off as cold or too self absorbed. It is not coming from an unsympathetic or uncaring place however as I am very much a caring and sympathetic person. To explain what I mean from what I noticed with myself, that I have to have experienced the same situation that I can empathise with. What I mean is that if I dont go through something that other people went through it is hard for me to imagine what it is like, let alone for that to be natural process. It would take someone else some effort to break things down for me into why this person feel the way that they do and then maybe I will get it. It is hard to grasp but I view it as a problem with automatic empathy that other neurotypicals may exhibit.

 

[nex]

I always bend over backwards to explain myself clearly and without opinions or emotion, especially if the other person is already ranting.

My diagnosis is still pending, but I can relate a lot to that. I try to be open and factual and objective to a point that it drives therapists crazy who expect emotional responses from me. I noticed that some people who identify as autistic spend a great lot of their time verbally clarifying what their intentions are and whay they are not. Possibly because they have been misread a lot, as I have.

Same for me, I always try to clarify so that my words aren't misconstrued. I don't know how to do this nonverbally, so I try verbally. With some people that works, with others it doesn't.