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Circles
There's a difference between existing and living.
- Sep 3, 2018
- 2,296
Have you ever wondered why we exist? Of course most humans have. But have ever wondered more about why things are exactly the way they are? That you have to just somehow go through an experience we call life that we didn't ask to be born into and yet we are faced with an uncontrollable situation we all find ourselves in. I often ask to myself why is it that I am me, of all the possibilities I'm in this body typing this out in this time and space, part of a certain species, culture, etc, that we're all on a random ball we call earth that is hurdling through the void with no reason to explain as to why we are here let alone why suffering has to exist.
I often think about suicide in history. Most people who have ever killed themselves throughout history their own names, memories and struggles are lost forever in the midst of time. Most if not all suicides are forgotten and something about that just feels indescribably wrong and unsettling. To know all those peoples suffering and death can be swept under a rug as if it none of our pain existed. And it goes for non suicidal people as well. All our suffering ultimately means nothing and despite that complete utter indifference the universe shows our pain means everything to us. How would you feel if the universe told you that all your suffering is pointless and senseless and there was no need for any of it?
All existential questions all basically boils down to 'Welp that just how the universe is' as if that's good enough. And even if there was an explanation as to why suffering exists it probably wouldn't be a satisfactory answer. Cause to those reading this feeling some sort of pain surely can understand. Out of everything that bothers me most about life is that feeling that your pain and suffering is ultimately for nothing despite it being everything to us. Something about this just feels overwhelmingly indescribably sickening.
To this end suicide is a conundrum. Thinking about how a complete nobody who never asked to exist has to face the reality of suicide just to end the senseless suffering in an inexplicable nightmare that is life just to want to return to an even more unexplainable nothingness if it's even that at all.
I often think about suicide in history. Most people who have ever killed themselves throughout history their own names, memories and struggles are lost forever in the midst of time. Most if not all suicides are forgotten and something about that just feels indescribably wrong and unsettling. To know all those peoples suffering and death can be swept under a rug as if it none of our pain existed. And it goes for non suicidal people as well. All our suffering ultimately means nothing and despite that complete utter indifference the universe shows our pain means everything to us. How would you feel if the universe told you that all your suffering is pointless and senseless and there was no need for any of it?
All existential questions all basically boils down to 'Welp that just how the universe is' as if that's good enough. And even if there was an explanation as to why suffering exists it probably wouldn't be a satisfactory answer. Cause to those reading this feeling some sort of pain surely can understand. Out of everything that bothers me most about life is that feeling that your pain and suffering is ultimately for nothing despite it being everything to us. Something about this just feels overwhelmingly indescribably sickening.
To this end suicide is a conundrum. Thinking about how a complete nobody who never asked to exist has to face the reality of suicide just to end the senseless suffering in an inexplicable nightmare that is life just to want to return to an even more unexplainable nothingness if it's even that at all.
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