exhaustion

[worstOFsociety]

Im so mentally exhausted at this point that the smallest obstacle makes me want to have a breakdown and jump out a window. Leaving for FR in a few days to visit some relatives and I already know it's gonna make everything so much worse as Im part of the LGBT+ community and even tho they say they accept me they have 0 issues making targeted comments about the fact that Im LGBT+. Like the world didn't hate me enough already for something I cannot control even my relatives can't fully accept it with their backhanded comments. Never the less I'll survive, I'll order my SN while I'm on my trip so that it arrives by the time that I'm back and then I'll finally be free from this torment. Well not exactly need another ingredient to make my passing as peaceful as possible. But hey bet the world will be happy one less Bisexual they have to kill. I mean with the increase in hate crimes they'd prolly get me eventually so yea at least someone will be happy. Don't get me wrong tho this isn't the reason for me wanting to ctb there's alot more to it from childhood trauma to mental health issues to literally having a psychotic break so bad that I had to "escape" my own apartment cuz I was seeing shit. Anyways isn't life beautiful? filled with such misery I cannot comprehend why anybody would want this life. How insane that even I once thought I could make something of this waste of a life. But it is what it is, doesn't matter in the end like existence doesn't matter.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also could never understand why anyone would wish to exist in this hellish reality, to me it's certainly preferable to not exist, I just see existence as being something so pointless and dreadful, I could never wish to be trapped in this world filled with endless suffering. But anyway it sounds really awful what you've been through so I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.