Exhaustion and depression

[Fedrea]

Main thing pushing me to ctb is just the absolute bonecrushing sheer exhaustion of severe depression. Every single tiny thing is more effort than I can stand.

Yet ctb in the most peaceful way requires such careful effort and planning. I'm beginning to see why the majority of suicides are impulsive using methods like hanging

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

I feel you. Made me sleep through a couple days just trying to regain energy and some sanity. But thought of death does seem so comforting.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

I know what you mean. I tied a noose round my bed frame the other day and was like damn that would be nice to just end it where I'm at. Unsuitable bed frame and living situation though. Plus I'm not there yet but still...

 

[plough22]

Yes I feel impulsive is the way a lot go re: suicide, I hope I succeed, I feel I'll be impulsive in that way. I've choked out once while having an episode. I know I've nearly gone over the edge quite a few times in last six months.
Life is a shit bucket, have depression and PTSD, it's a battle to get up, still 3 hours to get out of bed, on my phone writing this.

 

[Alec]

I hear you, same with me, depression PTSD BPD and bi polar, all of it is so FUCKING EXHAUSTING and I'm just so tired all the time. It's like I barely have the strength to just sit there and breath without even blinking because it's to exhausting to even blink. To just to every day simple things like brushing my teeth is unbearable and killing me it feels like actual torture and it's part of the reason why I'm thinking about ctb too. Killing myself does feel very calming and like I will finally be able to rest. I can't rest in this world I always wake up tired and just get more tired as the days go by. And i feels like I just don't have the energy and strength to do things it takes to recover and to be alright to fight for my dreams. I'm just so fucking tired.

Love,
—Alec.

 

[Outsider]

Same. I have to force myself to do basic things. Waking up, cleaning, making a meal everything is hard when feeling exhausted. I have SN almost ready. I would like to know more about other ctb methods but I don't ever have energy to do that.

 

[faust]

I can clearly understand you... Because facing same things. A few days ago slept for 24 hours, stayed awake for a while and went to bed 7-8 hours earlier again. I keep hitting caffeine powder which is not of a huge help, that's like tuning the broken vehicle. Cannot even imagine doing some basic things.

 

[Cosmiq]

I know what you mean. If I don't spend my time awake by mostly dissociating, then I just want to constantly sleep. I weighed myself and I'm at my lowest weight, which really underweight for my height. I can feel myself growing weaker physically and mentally.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I feel you there. I have SN but I don't have an actual plan yet. It's just too much effort. I've thought about other methods but they're either too gruesome or require too much planning. I'm so tired.

Been fighting the urge to impulsively try and kill myself all weekend. It's horrible and I feel like a phoney.

 

[Fedrea]

Does anyone else find being with friends particularly exhausting? I found this when I had moderate-serious depression pre lockdown, since my depression became very severe I've hardly seen friends except via Zoom during lockdown and even that was exhausting.