serah
Student
- May 6, 2020
- 177
Just a vent post. Need to let it out. I'm so fucking exhausted of feeling so insecure, jealous, clingy, and possesive over other people. I have this online friend that means the world to me, but I'm just overly attached to them to the point it hurts when they hang out with others. It's this sick back and forth between, "oh they hung out with me and played games with me today life is great I'm super happy" and "they're playing with other people. they're tired of me and will leave. I should die." It's pathetic and I'm unsure of what to do. My entire mood depends on how they treated me that day, which is exhausting because I cannot control another person. I feel disgusting when they play with their other friends, but in a second I'll go to loving them and forgetting all about it when they message me and ask to hang. I am aware that it's normal for them to have other relationships and be a normal human being, but there's a side of me that feels betrayed when they do. It's the kind of thing where it's embarrasing to bring up to other people irl, it makes me come off as incredibly toxic and messed up, which perhaps I am. It hurts even more because I get these moments where I want to entirely break off a perfectly fine friendships because of the paranoia that they will leave.