Exhausted

[BipolarGuy]

I was planning to end my life on Saturday (yesterday) night, although I moved that to Monday or Tuesday night.
If my original plan had gone ahead, I would have been dead for over 24 hours at time of writing.

However yesterday morning, on the same day I was originally going to end my life, I received a message from somebody offering me a very good job. This happened on a Saturday too, of all days.
This was a position I interviewed for in 2019! The guy has issues with various things - long story.

I was in a state of shock, and still am if I'm honest.
I was so sure I was going to dead by now, if not in a day or two.

This may not work out.
I am meeting the guy again on Tuesday to discuss.
I also have other issues such as actually being able to afford to travel to work before building up a steady income - I've been out of work for a while feeling depressed/suicidal.
So by no means am I 'saved'.

But given what has happened, I am mainly engaging with some trusted people via PMs, rather than getting involved in most threads as I usually would. I'll make the odd post, but please excuse me being less active than normal.
I am totally exhausted.

I was so sure I was going to be dead this week.
I still may be by the end of it.....but we'll see.
For now, there is hope.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I don't blame you for being exhausted. It's certainly been an interesting chain of events from being sent extra SN to a job offer. I hope things go well for you

 

[BipolarGuy]

I don't blame you for being exhausted. It's certainly been an interesting chain of events from being sent extra SN to a job offer. I hope things go well for you

Oh yes that as well.
Bloody hell.
Ordered SN, had it delivered. Looked at tracking and there is a mystery second package. Get it delivered, more SN!

 

[BitterlyAlive]

please excuse me being less active than normal.
I am totally exhausted.

Perfectly understandable. It's alright :)

 

[BipolarGuy]

Perfectly understandable. It's alright :)

"Emotional rollercoaster" isn't the phrase!

 

[checkouttime]

If your meeting the guy to discuss the job. why not consider explaining to them the financial issue. i wouldn't usually advise it, you may think it gives a bad impresion. but in the circumstances we have at the moment i wouldn't see it being a problem.

I mean they said their company went into administration and they were held in America over some repair on a helicopter. so you would think they would understand financial problems!!! may of even been upto something dodgy!!!!

 

[BipolarGuy]

If your meeting the guy to discuss the job. why not consider explaining to them the financial issue. i wouldn't usually advise it, you may think it gives a bad impresion. but in the circumstances we have at the moment i wouldn't see it being a problem.

I mean they said their company went into administration and they were held in America over some repair on a helicopter. so you would think they would understand financial problems!!! may of even been upto something dodgy!!!!

No, he wasn't up to anything dodgy. It's a long story with a branch in the US and the person who was running it.

I hadn't thought of doing that.
I'm speaking to the benefits office tomorrow, but this is another possibility so thank you.

 

[checkouttime]

if the job centre don't help its an option. like i said they definitely used to give loans out. i know people used to get suits, money to get too and from interviews etc. If you explain the circumstances aswell, as in you have a job lined up. then basically if they refuse, they are going against their own policy of trying to get you into work.! If you refused a job they would stop benefits etc!!! so if you have one lined up its a no brainer!

thing is, this person contacted you so i don't think it would be a problem. especially given the current circumstances. moneys tight for people, people are out of work everyone knows that. i don't think it would look bad.

it's not like you getting a job from the job centre and you don't know the firm etc. the person contacted you, different rules IMO.

 

[BipolarGuy]

if the job centre don't help its an option. like i said they definitely used to give loans out. i know people used to get suits, money to get too and from interviews etc. If you explain the circumstances aswell, as in you have a job lined up. then basically if they refuse, they are going against their own policy of trying to get you into work.! If you refused a job they would stop benefits etc!!! so if you have one lined up its a no brainer!

thing is, this person contacted you so i don't think it would be a problem. especially given the current circumstances. moneys tight for people, people are out of work everyone knows that. i don't think it would look bad.

it's not like you getting a job from the job centre and you don't know the firm etc. the person contacted you, different rules IMO.

Yes well you know what civil servants can be like.
If something doesn't fit in their little flow chart they don't know how to handle it.
Having said that, returning to work must be something they deal with all the time.

If this doesn't work out I promise I'll be dead by the end of the week, probably by Wednesday.
I'm hoping this works....

 

[checkouttime]

oh i very much dislike the job centre. haven't been in one for probably 20yrs. in fact one was very close to getting knocked out.i have a story.......

quite funny actually because i used to hate it etc, bum about my mum, family etc thought i'd just end up doing nothing and be a bum. after i got qualified as a tradesman the job centre guy expected me to take a jonb doing anything, collecting trolleys etc at the supermarket. but i was higher the most people qualified as a gas engineer. why would i spend 3yrs studying to get the quals and then go do that!! then he said my CV wasn't good enough. even though many people had commented on how good it was( its such a lottery getting it in quick enough). well he then gave me shit, so he got told! they act like god because they can stop benefits!!

then my 'golden child' older brother became unemployed. i told him he would have to take a job being a porter or pushing trolleys...basically anything. his answer was 'fuck that' not a usual answer my bro would make whatsoever!! but it made me chuckle, as i was looked at as bad for not wanting to do just whatever jobs but it was ok for my bro!!! anyway i proved them all wrong and wasn't the bum they thought (i enjoy stuff like that!!!)

you'll be ok, like you said they must deal with people needing to get back to work. someone on benefits isn't going to be able to save up to buy a suit( not even a cheap one!!). there will be some help i'm pretty sure.

and anyway if that doesn't work. there is noway someone who has contacted you to work for them , is going to refuse loaning you money so you can do work for them. would make no sense at all, they asked you!!

 

[BipolarGuy]

I've heard back from the benefits office regarding financial help as I go back to work, and I'm afraid it's not good news...
...I won't be 'catching the bus' any time soon ;)

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I've heard back from the benefits office regarding financial help as I go back to work, and I'm afraid it's not good news...
...I won't be 'catching the bus' any time soon ;)

That's just your SI talking. You need to overcome it!

 

[BipolarGuy]

That's just your SI talking. You need to overcome it!

Why are you singling me out?

I'm ready for you though, I'm well hydrated.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Why are you singling me out?

I'm ready for you though, I'm well hydrated.

Stop gaslighting me.

 

[not4us]

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
WRONG
Job is all you need

 

[BipolarGuy]

Stop gaslighting me.

I'm sorry.
Genuinely. I wouldn't ever want to do that to anyone because I know what emotional abuse feels like and how it effects you years later. I know this because of my tragic experience with my Christian mother.

In fact, I feel like the way you're acting towards me is like her and I want you to know I can take more of a force.
So please stop triangulating on my mother.

If I give you control over my perspective, I give you control over my self. I refuse to do this.

Now stop flaming.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I'm sorry.
Genuinely. I wouldn't ever want to do that to anyone because I know what emotional abuse feels like and how it effects you years later. I know this because of my tragic experience with my Christian mother.

In fact, I feel like the way you're acting towards me is like her and I want you to know I can take more of a force.
So please stop triangulating on my mother.

If I give you control over my perspective, I give you control over my self. I refuse to do this.

Now stop flaming.

I want to see evidence of this emotional abuse you are accusing me of. Please give me direct quotes, the burden of proof is on the accuser.

 

[BipolarGuy]

I want to see evidence of this emotional abuse you are accusing me of. Please give me direct quotes, the burden of proof is on the accuser.

You're invalidating my experience - typical behaviour of a manipulator.

I know this because of this very useful thread which I occasionally refer to for my own protection:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/manipulation-tactics.31123/

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Well done, I hope this works out positively. I'm not surprised you are exhausted after such a potential turnaround. And yeah, I realise it's not a 'I'm saved!' situation. Things don't really work like that. Good luck though.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

You're invalidating my experience - typical behaviour of a manipulator.

I know this because of this very useful thread which I occasionally refer to for my own protection:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/manipulation-tactics.31123/

You are acting like a typical predator, blaming the victim and feigning innocence. I will not be intimidated by you.

 

[BipolarGuy]

You are acting like a typical predator, blaming the victim and feigning innocence. I will not be intimidated by you.

But I'd never do that to you because I'm such a gentleman ......

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

But I'd never do that to you because I'm such a gentleman ......

.... preying on vulnerable women.

 

[BipolarGuy]

.... preying on vulnerable women.

I admit, I'm using my parent's money in the hope that it will influence women....

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I admit, I'm using my parent's money in the hope that it will influence women....

Are you trying to tell me you are the supreme gentleman?

 

[BipolarGuy]

[QUOTE="BipolarGuy, post: 910086, member:
I admit, I'm using my parent's money in the hope that it will influence women....

Are trying to tell me you are the supreme gentleman?
[/QUOTE]
That's not me no. It only says 11/10.

Plus, although I drive a German car it is not a BMW.

But everything else is correct OBVIOUSLY

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

That's not me no. It only says 11/10.

Plus, although I drive a German car it is not a BMW.

But everything else is correct OBVIOUSLY

Obviously.

 

[BipolarGuy]

Obviously.

And I have a special place in my heart for glowies

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

And I have a special place in my heart for glowies

Awww.

 

[not4us]

Get a room

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Awww.

I have a special place in my heart for you too.