No matter how much I fight to change, no matter what new meds I'm on or not. No matter what approaches I try or don't try it always ends the same way. Every friend group I try to be a part of I become hated, every relationship comes to an end, every good situation I find myself in fucked up, tainted and ruined both by my own actions and just my general presence because something is wrong with me. Something is broken or cursed or just maybe not there in my soul and it doesn't allow me to form or keep anything good in my life. Given enough time I'm always left with nothing regardless of my actions to prevent that. I corrupt and ruin everything I touch and I just don't want to be like this anymore. If I have to choose between going on like this or dying I don't see how anyone who's been through everything I have can be expected to choose to go on. Friends end up hating me, lovers distance themselves and leave me, even family isn't able to tolerate my presence. I have no place in this world, no friend group waiting for me, no lover out there looking for someone like me, nothing and nobody even animals don't like to be around me. I truly believe the best thing I can do for everyone in the world not just those I know, is to remove myself from it. I leave no offspring or anyone else for this curse to continue on inside of. Everyone's lives would be better off if I wasn't a part of them.
