Everyone and everything brings pain

[RileyTanaka]

Everything is pushing me closer.

The longer I wait, the more the pain just deepens, extends, and shifts in form.. poverty, illness, abuse, rejection, abandonment, loss. It's all just collecting. No one cares... I'm beginning to think that if so many people know you and all agree that you're a piece of shit not worth any support or understanding then you probably are a piece of shit. And if you're a piece of shit like me then I guess you will not last much longer since no one wants to be around you. I've been checkmated and am on borrowed time.

A loving family would have gone a long way with me. It probably would have kept me here much longer but of course that was never going to happen. Any sort of comfort to offset this pain. I cannot stand this life.

 

[Depressed_7]

I'm sorry to hear that

 

[RileyTanaka]

I'm sorry to hear that

Thanks for your empathy. I have no friends or family to turn to.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

poverty, illness, abuse, rejection, abandonment, loss. It's all just collecting. No one cares... I'm beginning to think that if so many people know you and all agree that you're a piece of shit not worth any support or understanding then you probably are a piece of shit.

Sounds like projection reinforced with all the things you listed to get you to take on and believe that you're a piece of shit. All of that is meant to negate and try to annihilate who you are. Humans are so awful to one another. Since always.


From the book The Practicing Stoic by Ward Farnsworth:

Marcus Aurelius's view of humanity gave him a reason not to fear death: the human race, seen accurately, is not the sort of company one should be too sorry to leave behind.


I'll admit I don't know you. I think it's good to check in and ask oneself, If this is the common theme, then am I really the problem? Yet from how you present yourself on the forum with your consistent behaviors, I just don't see that you're the kind of person irl others are trying to convince you that you are.

Here's another perspective. Hitler stirred up the German populace to believe that Jews were vermin and needed to be contained and destroyed. I wonder how many Jews, when faced with such overwhelming hatred and abuse, wondered: Am I really vermin? Do I deserve this? If so many people believe it and are allowed to hurt me like this, perhaps it's because it's true and I do deserve it.

 

[Amnesty]

Psychologically learned helplessness. Even when sees something as a possible escape, it does not bother as it learns it is helples in the situation. I bet almost everyone here have learned helplessness.

No it is not your fault that you were born into bad circumstances no matter how many people make you believe it is you. Sometimes people project themselves onto others to feel better yet it really is natural for humans who does not know or learn how to control themselves.

No you are not a vermin.

 

[lululoo]

You are worthy. It is your family that is not worthy if they were unable to love you.

 

[RileyTanaka]

Psychologically learned helplessness. Even when sees something as a possible escape, it does not bother as it learns it is helples in the situation. I bet almost everyone here have learned helplessness.

No it is not your fault that you were born into bad circumstances no matter how many people make you believe it is you. Sometimes people project themselves onto others to feel better yet it really is natural for humans who does not know or learn how to control themselves.

No you are not a vermin.

Someone has begun a campaign on me - soon I'll be getting very regular messages about me being vermin. It's already begun.

I resisted it for a long time, I'm not strong enough to resist anymore.

You are worthy. It is your family that is not worthy if they were unable to love you.

I don't know what family is, really. I don't think I ever will. Thank you though hugs.

 

[RileyTanaka]

Sounds like projection reinforced with all the things you listed to get you to take on and believe that you're a piece of shit. All of that is meant to negate and try to annihilate who you are. Humans are so awful to one another. Since always.


From the book The Practicing Stoic by Ward Farnsworth:

Marcus Aurelius's view of humanity gave him a reason not to fear death: the human race, seen accurately, is not the sort of company one should be too sorry to leave behind.


I'll admit I don't know you. I think it's good to check in and ask oneself, If this is the common theme, then am I really the problem? Yet from how you present yourself on the forum with your consistent behaviors, I just don't see that you're the kind of person irl others are trying to convince you that you are.

Here's another perspective. Hitler stirred up the German populace to believe that Jews were vermin and needed to be contained and destroyed. I wonder how many Jews, when faced with such overwhelming hatred and abuse, wondered: Am I really vermin? Do I deserve this? If so many people believe it and are allowed to hurt me like this, perhaps it's because it's true and I do deserve it.

You're right. A lot of people are making me feel like I shouldn't be here and that I don't deserve support or help, including my own "family." I guess I have it in my mind that if you can't find help anywhere it's because you asked to be deserted somehow. My mother-in-law texted me today letting me know that I'm not welcome here as well, just more of the same. There is no place for me. After you deal with so much shittiness from people, you just give up and give in. It took me a while to get to this point though.

Psychologically learned helplessness. Even when sees something as a possible escape, it does not bother as it learns it is helples in the situation. I bet almost everyone here have learned helplessness.

No it is not your fault that you were born into bad circumstances no matter how many people make you believe it is you. Sometimes people project themselves onto others to feel better yet it really is natural for humans who does not know or learn how to control themselves.

No you are not a vermin.

there is no "possible escape" for me except exiting this life.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

You're right. A lot of people are making me feel like I shouldn't be here and that I don't deserve support or help, including my own "family." I guess I have it in my mind that if you can't find help anywhere it's because you asked to be deserted somehow. My mother-in-law texted me today letting me know that I'm not welcome here as well, which is kind of fitting. There is no place for me. After you deal with so much shittiness from people, you just give up and give in. It took me a while to get to this point though.

I feel your comment 100%.



I just wrote this on another thread and think it applies here as well:

Seems like maybe there's a history of people not liking what you say [or do]. I had that with my abusive parents, you've had it with abusive psychiatrists. That's on them. Folks who want compliance to their control don't like hearing anything but "Yes," "Okay," and "You're right."

 

[RileyTanaka]

I feel your comment 100%.



I just wrote this on another thread and think it applies here as well:

Yes. I don't know if it's quite that simple. But I do know that people are allergic to other people's crises - and act as if getting close to them will somehow spread the crises to them. It's so stupid but true.

I see posts here sometimes from people hoping for revenge on family once they're found to be dead. They want their family to be regretful. I don't find any joy in that because there is no redemption in revenge, especially since you'll be gone and can't see it anyway. I know that the guilt will probably destroy them.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

@RileyTanaka I understand how you feel. Life is so, so painful. I want it all to be over too.

I bet almost everyone here have learned helplessness.

I'm pretty sure I have learned helplessness and that's why my life is such a disaster. I suppose it "could be" trauma, but i feel like I've made it all up as an excuse.

This question isn't meant to sound rude, but it's something that's been nagging me for years: does learned helplessness make us bad or weak? I sure feel that way. :/

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

there is no redemption in revenge

This is an ethic I live by. It doesn't replace or restore anything that was lost or harmed.