Venting Every time I try I just sink further.

[Aeathelina]

In a nutshell about my life right now. It's garbage and every time I get that inkling of a desire to become a better person and get my life together it fails.
Want to quit drinking? Last two weeks then I'm literally lose my appetite because all I want is beer.
Stop self harming and starving? Last until I'm confronted with a stressed then I double down every negative emotion and self destruct.

Its like a fucking whirlpool that keeps me fucking circling this despair and I'm tired. So damn tired of being tired or anxious.

AHHHHH

 

[Haruko]

Worry not! Many people were in a situation similar to yours and have succeeded in improving their life.
Try to start step by step, it is clear that if you are used to drink a lot of alcohol, you will only worsen your situation if you cut it all out, since there is a high probability that you will return to your addiction even worse than before.
Take it easy on yourself, a change requires time, so you should be a patient person; start cutting your drinking little by little, months will fly by and you won't even realize how much time has passed when you'll find yourself free of your addiction. The same applies to sports, if you want to get fit, you don't start by running large distances, I would even suggest that you just go out for 15-30 minutes walks, you will enjoy the sun and soon find that you can start doing difficult exercises.

The only difficult aspect of this approach is consistency. The first weeks will be the hardest, but you should have a clear goal in your mind so you can endure the pain and urges to drink.

One more thing that may help you, is to find a small community of people that are trying to do a recovery like you. Being in a group will probably make you feel better and able to be consistent.

And most importantly, there is nothing bad with consulting with professional help; people here in this forum are wholesome and will always stand with you, and I think that this will help you feel better; however, you should never feel ashamed to visit a professional if you feel that it is necessary.