Venting Every man I've been involved with has left me

[miles-away]

I didn't really enter the dating scene until the end of 2024, when I was 21 and had my first boyfriend. And ever since then, every man has left me. I'm always the dumpee, always the rejected one. Last year I was broken up twice and had a friends with benefits reject me. I was broken up with by someone who "never breaks up".

Recently, there was someone I was talking to that was in military bootcamp. After telling me they'd call around Christmas, they never did. And it's been a few weeks since I've heard from them. Idk, if it's because of some communication issue or miscommunication. But yeah, it feels like I've been rejected.

And I just want to know what the fuck is wrong with me? What the hell am I doing that is so off putting to men. I try to engage in a lot of self reflection and I feel the worst part about me is that I get emotionally attached way too quickly and people are quick to pick up on my autism after two months.

A lot of the men I date, I do get the sense they're desperate for any connection. My first boyfriend openly wasn't attracted to me and disliked my hobbies. My 2nd ex coincidentally left me around the time he was starting to form a friend group.

I feel like I'm a psuedo-femcel; I'm able to get dates. Getting them to stay after two months feels like the actual problem. I have nothing to offer relationships anyways and I probably should stay away until I work on myself.

But in the meantime, I feel awful and I feel like there has to be something I'm too stupid or autistic to see. Everytime they leave its a reminder that I'm fuck up. I hate this.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Nothing is wrong with you. There is something deeply wrong with multiple generations of men. More disturbingly they target autistic women for abuse. You are NOT a fuck up. I share so much of your experience and still feel so hurt by the history I've experienced at the hands of men.

 

[not yet]

I wonder what kind of people these men were. And what kind of relationships you've had, what was it based on, what goals, what expectations. Maybe they actually were not interested in long-term relationships

 

[miles-away]

I wonder what kind of people these men were. And what kind of relationships you've had, what was it based on, what goals, what expectations. Maybe they actually were not interested in long-term relationships

The main theme seemed to be desperation tbh. My first boyfriend was a virgin at 24 and had issues with dating. The 2nd one was consistently broken up with, had one friend he hadn't seen in years and had some obvious hang ups regarding his ex's.

They all told me they wanted a long term relationship. And they also declared they loved me fairly early on. They both lovebombed the hell out of me before randomly getting cold and finding companionship somewhere else.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Hmm, why don't you try to look for friends in your hobbies and maybe you find someone who you'd be romantically interested in?

It sounds much better than searching for a boyfriend or girlfriend or anyone outright.

 

[linnea56]

I didn't really enter the dating scene until the end of 2024, when I was 21 and had my first boyfriend. And ever since then, every man has left me. I'm always the dumpee, always the rejected one. Last year I was broken up twice and had a friends with benefits reject me. I was broken up with by someone who "never breaks up".

Recently, there was someone I was talking to that was in military bootcamp. After telling me they'd call around Christmas, they never did. And it's been a few weeks since I've heard from them. Idk, if it's because of some communication issue or miscommunication. But yeah, it feels like I've been rejected.

And I just want to know what the fuck is wrong with me? What the hell am I doing that is so off putting to men. I try to engage in a lot of self reflection and I feel the worst part about me is that I get emotionally attached way too quickly and people are quick to pick up on my autism after two months.

A lot of the men I date, I do get the sense they're desperate for any connection. My first boyfriend openly wasn't attracted to me and disliked my hobbies. My 2nd ex coincidentally left me around the time he was starting to form a friend group.

I feel like I'm a psuedo-femcel; I'm able to get dates. Getting them to stay after two months feels like the actual problem. I have nothing to offer relationships anyways and I probably should stay away until I work on myself.

But in the meantime, I feel awful and I feel like there has to be something I'm too stupid or autistic to see. Everytime they leave its a reminder that I'm fuck up. I hate this.

You are still sooo young. You have no pressure at all. To meet a person you click with is nothing that happens every day. Also not for neurotypical people. It sounds like you put your priority more on the fact that people like you. But in the end isn't it more about that you should like them and enjoy spending time with them ? You gonna meet the right person and then you gonna realize why it never worked out with someone else.
And for sure you have a lot to offer in a relationship. You just did not meet the right person yet.
Maybe you can try not to think too much about what gonna be in the future if you are dating people. and just enjoy the moment more. Every human interactions can lead to understanding yourself better. What do I like and what not? What makes me different to other people ? And then just see what happens.
You Are Not fucked up. You are a young person that is just experiencing how dating works. Everything gonna fall into place for you :)

 

[Alpacachino]

I'll give you my honest opinion, but don't be offended . You seem too clingy based on your past posts and you also seemed to realize that. Maybe you could give them more space.

I hope you have better luck in your future relationships.

 

[miles-away]

I'll give you my honest opinion, but don't be offended . You seem too clingy based on your past posts and you also seemed to realize that. Maybe you could give them more space.

I hope you have better luck in your future relationships.

Nah, you're right. But I do try to dial it back as much as possible when I'm in relationships. I've been accused of not initiating enough to the point I'm wondering if I do too little.

 

[Alpacachino]

Nah, you're right. But I do try to dial it back as much as possible when I'm in relationships. I've been accused of not initiating enough.

The thing is, men seem to take for granted women who are too into them. Maintaining a little distance is good.

 

[Dejected 55]

For whatever reason, our society seems to have evolved as to find people who express an interest to be unwanted. Men and women are BOTH told that they shouldn't be clingy. I agree if you are love-bombing just to get to a place or a goal but you don't mean the things you say or do, it is wrong... but there are men and women who do love sincerely and want to express that sincerely and it is "too much" for many people... and I find that sad. I've posted often about how it seems to be most people only want surface-level interactions. Even if they are in a relationship, they don't want to go too deep, express too much, or be loved too much by someone else.

I don't know what drives all of this.. but if you are someone who loves deeply, you're going to get hurt a lot... either by people who will exploit and take advantage of you OR by people who will not appreciate your efforts OR by people who will run scared because they don't know how to handle the experience.

I can't help with any of that. I never say things or do things I don't mean... I'm told I over-share or seem needy... though, no one I've ever approached has said this... only 3rd-party people telling me... so I never know why I get rejected, only that I do. I don't get into the relationship stage, I get rejected from jump unless they choose to exploit my sensitivity for a while first.

Long story short... I honestly don't see anything wrong with how you describe yourself... I just think sadly, you're not finding the right men and I don't know how to help you on that front because I know a lot of crappy men and even the non-crappy ones don't seem super-responsive to a woman as you describe yourself. I have the exact same problem finding women to give me a shot. While it is true men and women have some different problems and risks and vulnerabilities... especially with women being assaulted by men... strictly in terms of finding a partner to meaningfully connect with... I think men and women are both equally bad in society at making real connections with others beyond just surface level stuff.

 

[violetforever]

did u see urself entirely happy and actually want to stay with the men who left u anyway? u seem to only care about eventually being left, not so much about losing them since u acknowledge their faults. ur not stupid at all ur just young and beginning to pick up on the dreadful behaviors and patterns of most men lol. u have obviously put decent thought into it and even more from asking for advice. c:

 

[miles-away]

did u see urself entirely happy and actually want to stay with the men who left u anyway? u seem to only care about eventually being left, not so much about losing them since u acknowledge their faults. ur not stupid at all ur just young and beginning to pick up on the dreadful behaviors and patterns of most men lol. u have obviously put decent thought into it and even more from asking for advice. c:

That's a pretty good point that I haven't really thought of. Most of the time, I was fairly miserable and thought that if I'd tough it out or do something different, they'd act like they did in the beginning again.

 

[violetforever]

That's a pretty good point that I haven't really thought of. Most of the time, I was fairly miserable and thought that if I'd tough it out or do something different, they'd act like they did in the beginning again

don't fall into the trap of staying based on what ifs and doubting whether you are doing all you can. i would even say men can clearly see when a woman is miserable and trying but still don't respect their efforts and look down on them for it. just be glad those guys left you themselves instead of purposely driving you to the point of finally doing it yourself. if you find yourself wanting things to be like how they were at the beginning then it's most likely past the time to leave and a sign that they were putting up a facade/love bombing.