willitpass
The awful things we do to make the head go quiet
- Mar 10, 2020
- 3,397
I hate leaving my apartment anymore. I never feel physically well enough to do anything short of going to work and I do my best to show up to class. Mentally, it's becoming even more taxing to leave for anything else. I thought for 4 hours about going to the store to pick something up yesterday before finally doing it. Today I went to the grocery store. Those places are always hell for me because of my eating disorder, it turns into Math Olympics and I'm on the verge of a panic attack counting calories and reading labels the whole time. I got even more frustrated today though. The self check out kept glitching and calling an employee over who was chatty. She seemed so nice but all I wanted was for her to shut up I didn't have it in me to talk with anyone. And then my card declined for no reason twice and I was about to start crying if it declined a third time. There was no reason for it to, I still can't figure out why it did that. I got angry because they must have gotten shipments in today so the aisles were all being restocked which made it harder for me to be discrete in my label checking. I got angry because my favorite flavor of something was out of stock and it's one of my few safe foods that is genuinely good tasting and not some bland shit I convince myself is edible. I hate being angry. But that whole trip just made me so fucking angry. The only good thing was how cheap the total was.
