Venting even though i'm trying to get better, i just feel like I'm messing everything up

[meowing :3]

I go to therapy every 2 weeks but every time I leave that room or whenever our session is over, I feel like I don't deserve it. (deserve going to therapy, that is)

Even though I feel the most comfortable talking with my therapist out of any of my close friends and relatives about my thoughts and stuff, I still feel like I'm lying to myself and lying to him about my suicidal thoughts for attention.

I literally don't know why and I'm too scared to talk to him about this lmfao

 

[shiny_quill]

I have quite a few thoughts on this, but here's what I can say from experience: messing up is part of learning.

As for lying for attention, let's say you are. OK, and what now? You feel bad, bad enough to be on a website about suicide, and that can't be a lie. That's all that really matters, isn't it? If you need attention, then you need attention, you're not taking away credibility from anyone, not harming anyone, and you feel genuinely bad, so even in the worst case scenario, you need to be cared for (also, I'd like to point out that you are hiding behind a username which isn't the most "attention seeking" behavior in the book, is it? I don't actually think you're doing any of it for attention).

Speaking about such things out loud is super scary, but if you feel like it's too much, you can always write about it and show him? I'm not the best at communication, but see what works for you. Again, messing up is part of learning. Take care.

 

[sorlox]

nice pfp)