Venting escapism

[maidens]

all I really have is fiction and the internet

I'm a yumejoshi, if I relate to a character a lot I start seeing them as myself and it helps with my sense of identity a little bit, being super interested in a media distracts me from how much I want to die despite the thought always lingering in my mind, I have a bunch of ocs & if something bad happens to me, my ocs are going down with me.

it's helpful but it's also not. if the characters I yumeship with were real they'd probably hate me. I have very severe DPDR & being constantly immersed in fiction and always being on my phone nonstop is only making it worse. the internet already destroyed my sense of reality and I don't even have an identity outside of my online one at this point but I'm a neet who doesn't have anything else to do. im tired and I want to die

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Sometimes I don't feel much different than what you feel. To cope with reality I use game characters because I admire them or their qualities and just daydream of being able to have their powers or living in their reality. I know none of this is real yet it's something that sometimes prevents me from losing it completely.

 

[sugarb]

all I really have is fiction and the internet

I'm a yumejoshi, if I relate to a character a lot I start seeing them as myself and it helps with my sense of identity a little bit, being super interested in a media distracts me from how much I want to die despite the thought always lingering in my mind, I have a bunch of ocs & if something bad happens to me, my ocs are going down with me.

it's helpful but it's also not. if the characters I yumeship with were real they'd probably hate me. I have very severe DPDR & being constantly immersed in fiction and always being on my phone nonstop is only making it worse. the internet already destroyed my sense of reality and I don't even have an identity outside of my online one at this point but I'm a neet who doesn't have anything else to do. im tired and I want to die

I can really relate to the DPDR and only having the internet/fiction. though upon looking up yume and going down that rabbithole briefly, not in quite the same way. it's interesting that you can lose yourself in fiction that much. I'm fairly creative/imaginative (fake oc amvs in my head, all that) but for better or worse I can't get anywhere close to that type of dpdr. One time I briefly created a weird creature in my head to keep me company but it didn't really last

When I disassociate I generally just do edgy stuff like sit on things dramatically, zone out, stare off into space, etc. see below (except less cool because instead of a lake it's a suburban culdesac or etc)


Do you ever get like- pleasant and vivid waking delusions? If possible I'd like to train my brain to do that instead of whatever it's currently doing

also yeah this sucks. kinda just wish I could drop acid, melt my neurons and live in a comfy asylum forever