Empty promises again, but I hope this time Ill work it out

[BridgeJumper]

So my best friends suicide and a noise induced ear condition made me have a nervous breakdown that lasted 3,5 months. During this time, my whole body started flipping out because of starvation - vomiting, palpitations, pain everywhere.
And you know what - I first tried to kill myself 13 years ago, and from then it only got worse. But Im now anxious, I dont want to die anymore, becuse I want to experience things that make me happy, and I cant be sure if theres an afterlife. What if theres none, and Ill never do these things again?
I gave up my rope, I gave up razors and pills. All of them, that Iveaccumulated over years. I signed up for therapy. I shredded my suicide note, and asked my dad to lock the house the moment start to get worse. And I will take medication 3 times a day as stated, not every 4 days washed down with vodka.
I dont know if this lasts so I dont want to remove my account or everything, but Ive been steady in my decision for 1,5 month now so I thin its legit.

 

[BridgeJumper]

I want to die again now, but the house is locked and Im not taking back my decision

 

[Sensei]

It sounds like you've taken some crucial steps on your path to recovery. I'm amazed that you've managed to turn such a negative trend and I wish all of us could do that. I wish you all the luck and I'm confident you'll make it through this.