Empathy is my biggest curse and it's destroying me mentally

[lawlietsph]

Just venting. My empathy has no limits. I'm convinced that this is the reason why my hair has fallen out. Because of the constant stress about others.
I can't hate people who treated me like shit. Instead I try to find the reason why are they so broken and i want to save and love them. Even those who called me all kinds of horrible names.
I CONSTANTLY meet with hurt animals or stray animals. My family members laugh at me because i try to save them all.

Now I found a stray cat, he is pretty wild, but I feed him regularly. He disappeared for a couple days, but now he came back and he looks very sick. I am completely alone with this, my family doesn't help me. I have no car, and i have no money to pay for the vet, because i already have 3 rescue cats, 15 parrots, and a rescue pony. I live in Europe, in a fucked up small country, I already contacted animal rescue organizations, but no one is replying to me, no one can help me.
Maybe i should accept that i can't save everyone... While i was making phone calls, the cat disappeared and i'm filled with guilt. If he comes back, I still won't know what to do.

Just a couple weeks ago I found a hurt deer in the garden. She was unable to stand up, but when i gave her some oranges, she happily accepted it. I called the people who are responsible for dealing with hurt wild animals, they came and cut the deer's neck right there in the garden, because appearantly there was no way to help her.

I am helpless.

My pony has a chronic illness that can kill her anytime if i'm not careful enough with her weight and the feeding. She got sick 2 years ago, and ever since then my hair has fallen out like crazy, i am unable to sleep, and my depression is worse than ever.

I am just unable to cope with witnessing suffering.

I do everything i can... I've spent more money on vets than i've ever spent on myself in 30 years. I put my needs aside just so they have everything, but this time i'm not able to solve problems anymore...
I am so tired and broken.
And my family members are being extremely rude to me because they don't understand this. I am so done with life...

 

[witchcraft]

Not even 30 here, and also losing my hair. Since my teens I've often wished I was unempathetic; life seems so much easier. You just take from other people, drag or push them down—everything you do, everything you gain, is at the deliberate and premeditated expense of another. I don't know how to respond to people who are unempathetic. A lot of jobs, particularly customer service type roles, are designed in such a way that you are to be the punching bag. The logical response to me is, "We don't do business with people who treat our employees like dirt." Instead, the response not only by management, but by the general public as well, is that you need to toughen up, or it's part of the job, or don't take it personally.

This expectation seems outright ridiculous to me. Unacceptable, really. But that's where we're at. A culture that actively enables if not outright encourages this sort of behavior. Just like in school when you get in trouble for defending yourself, in the Real World you can't defend yourself so much as verbally or you get reprimanded if not fired. And good luck getting another job. There aren't any, at least not any that are worth a fucking shit.

And no, I don't give money to every homeless person I see, donate to any charity, etc. I'm not Jesus Christ. I don't even help other animals like you do. But the bar is set so low in society that it's in Hell, and yet all I see are people digging and having a limbo contest. It's apparently cool to not care about anyone or anything. It's cool to be rude or outright cruel. Especially on the internet, because obviously your actions don't have any consequences for your own soul or the well-being of others because it's all anonymous. (/s)

If nobody is supposed to take anything personally, then why not have everyone treat everyone else like shit? Why not have an entire society born and raised on the premise of treating people like they are expendable, replaceable, to be used, because after all, nobody should be taking any of it personally right? Why not be snide, snarky, passive aggressive, to literally everyone? It just makes no God damn sense to me. At all. This (unfortunately prevailing) attitude completely falls apart when taken to its logical conclusion as far as I can tell.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: people don't even treat other people right. People don't care about other people. It's not the norm, anyway. Occasionally you have people such as yourself, or people who withdraw from society and invest all of their empathy into animals (whether that be rescuing animals or just owning a bunch of pets, whatever) because most animals seem to show more gratitude and appreciation than the average person. But I'm sad to say that this seems like you are in a minority, not only in your country but in much of today's world.

What you are doing is very nice. I'm sorry that I don't know how to help, or what I would do if I was in your position. Nobody cares about me, I've been burned 1000 times for caring about other people, I have no energy or bandwidth left anymore. So I would never be able to do what you are doing, or so much as even imagine it. Sorry I needed to go on a long-winded rant before actually responding to what you said in your post. Whoops.

 

[BrokenByTheSystem]

That's very relatable and I can say I understand you at least a little.

I have this one friend with a very similar story, she can't work because of social anxiety but she had helped hundred of stray cats. And she ALSO has issues with her family, despite her parents having money they get really pissed off when she tried to bring new cats to the house to help it.

Well if things couldn't get worse, she brought a stray kitten with an unknown hidden viruses to home, she's very careful but somehow the virus spread to one of her two cats, then both were gone. She almost tried suicide after that. The cat were locked in a room without contact with others, but still, one of her cats got it.

I've been helping her a little because I have some money I saved from when I was working. I wish I could help you but given the currency conversion to EU my money worth nothing to you while a lot to me.

I also live in a pretty small town (8K people) but we rarely have stray kittens on the streets, I've saved a few dozens and 2 live with me, but others I found other people to donate them so they take care. I hope they're ok I couldn't stand the guilt of handing the little cats to someone who did bad with them.

Recently I found that the strong sense of justice is an autism trait, I got diagnoses with autism and I'm learning about myself. Maybe this urge to make the right thing that is killing you can be a trait of autistic personality (https://www.verywellmind.com/what-to-know-about-autism-and-justice-sensitivity-8631234).

 

[Misery99]

Having empathy is not a bad thing. It's how everyone should be but sadly it's not normalized enough in the world. I'm also a highly sensitive person and I could not stand any animal getting hurt. It makes me very emotional if I see anything distressing like that.

 

[lawlietsph]

Update... I managed to took the cat to the vet, and we decided it was best to let him go... I am heartbroken. What if I made the wrong decision...

 

[annointed_towers]

I had so much empathy, for people who deserved it and didn't. Then it made me sick. I started neglecting myself but helped everyone else. With my mind, my body, my heart, my money.

I neglected myself because I was angry and hated myself. I didn't have a reason not to. I let my teeth rot in my mouth. And I can't pay to remove them. Remove my gums. So they sit and rot, and I sit and rot. Lay, really. I can't sit up. A toothache can kill you. An infected tooth, a cavity, exposed nerve. And the nerves that aren't exposed, deep in your head, in your teeth tissues, in your flesh and bone, they hurt even more. Burn like hell and spread like wildfire.

I was going to brush them again. I brushed them all my life. I did what I was supposed to do. But I slipped up. Let myself go. Just for a little while. Let me rest. No more doing something for someone who isn't grateful and wouldn't help me in return. Often can't even if they wanted to.

Ungrateful people, ungrateful body.

And still I worry — I'm hurting so many people… the people who wanted me to never hurt, who worked so hard so I wouldn't. And I saw how they worked so hard and got nowhere, so I developed empathy…

"Someone needs me, someone needs help but I can't help them anymore. I can't help myself. I'm always thinking of myself…"