Discussion Emotionally hurting those close to you and pushing them away, or making them hate you

[Night Sky]

Can anyone relate?

Lately, dealing with my depression and anxiety has been all-encompassing and utterly crushing. I, for a long time, tried to reach out to people and feel not so alone in everything going on. But it's failed time and time again as I continually have been brushed aside and forgotten, or told that I should stop complaining. All of it has made me really bitter, destroyed my trust in others, and made me not want to open up to others at all.

In doing so I've said some awful stuff to people I'm close to in retaliation to feeling like I've been slighted or treated as unimportant, and burned a lot of bridges. I've made a lot of people turn away and give up on me or be uncomfortable with talking to me, or have them straight up say they hate me before they disappear, and sometimes I'll feel smug about burning that bridge, but almost always feel horrible later on after it sits and sinks in my mind for a while. Massive anxiety attacks come and go in waves for me, and every single action like this makes them worse when they inevitably come, but then I end up turning around and hurting someone again somehow anyway and it all repeats.

I feel like such a massive burden on others and like I should ctb not just to stop feeling the constant anxiety each day, but also so others can be happier without having to deal with me. I'm a horrific mess.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

You're definitely not alone, I feel the exact same way! In my case though the awful way my bitterness has manifested will hopefully make it easier for the people who are still deluded and regard me as a decent person to see the truth and celebrate my death.

 

[Night Sky]

You're definitely not alone, I feel the exact same way! In my case though the awful way my bitterness has manifested will hopefully make it easier for the people who are still deluded and regard me as a decent person to see the truth and celebrate my death.

It's really reassuring to be able to talk to people who can relate and understand, thank you. That is a way to look at it and turn it from a pure negative, I'm starting to look at things the same way as time goes on. Like it won't be as difficult for someone to process things when it happens and I can reduce the pain caused to others. Like the lesser of two evils. Something like the hurt caused by burning bridges and making people hate me will be less than if they somehow saw me as worthwhile before I'm gone.